The Butterfly Effect

BRAVEHEART KENNYBOY
“Kennyboy !” I shouted over the counter “What are you still doing here ?”
I was surprised to see Kennyboy sitting right there in Aussie Bar, one week after he had said goodbye to us in Anna Jet Bar on his last but one night before he had to travel home to Scotland.
I was confused and didn´t believe my eyes, because my mind told me that it was absolutely impossible to meet him again so soon, right here and right now with the begin of my last holiday week.
But Kennyboy was really there… smiling and waving with his hand to me.
“Sometimes shit happens !” he shouted to answer my question.
“Oh my… !” I said “Just come overhere ! I can´t change seat, because I´m waiting for a friend and must watch over his luggage !”
Kennyboy took his Cola bottle, stood up from his chair and came over to sit beside me.
I shook his hand.
“Shouldn´t you be back in Scotland by now ?” I asked.
“Aye !” Kennyboy said “But things went wrong ! I missed my flight !”
“What ?” I asked “How did it come to this ?”
Right in the moment Kennyboy wanted to answer my question, FiveBaht returned to his chair.
“Hi !” FiveBaht said “I guess this is one of your fellow forum members !”
“Yes !” I said “FiveBaht, meet Kennyboy from Scotland !”
They both introduced themselves to each other, while I ordered one more San Miguel.
As FiveBaht began to talk with his T.luck, I turned around to Kennyboy and listened to him as he told me his story.
“You remember, Mike… I told you that I wasn´t feeling so well during these holidays in Pattaya !” he said.
I nodded with my head.
“The Pattaya fever !” I said.
“It became worse soon after I had left Yogi and you at Anna Jet in that night !” he said “It was the reason why I have missed my flight home and why I was forced to change the booking… with the result that I have to stay here almost one and a half week longer as planned !”
“Oh, my goodness !” I said “Hope this will not cause any problem back home… with your employer !”
“Aye ! The damage is done already !” Kennyboy said “But don´t worry ! It´s just temporary, because the people back home will understand as soon as they learn what I have gone through last week !”
“Hell, that sounds awful: …what you have gone through last week !” I said “Have you seen a doctor ?”
“More than that, Mike !” Kennyboy said “I was in hospital !”
“Shit !” I said “Not a nice way to spend the rest of the holidays. Please, tell me everything !”
“Well, I got the feeling that the Pattaya fever has turned into a heavy flu infection !” Kennyboy said “As you know, several side effects come along with such an infection. Most of them are not pleasant at all… and in my case, this time here in Thailand, those side effects reactivated my arthritis !”
“Oh shit !” I said.
“Aye ! That´s exactly what I thought !” Kennyboy said “At least as long as I was still able to think clearly. The arthritis paralysed my body from my neck down in some sort of seizure. One of the cleaners of my hotel found me in my room and helped me to get to a hospital. Overthere they first asked me if I can pay for the medical treatment, before they even thought of starting any basic first-aid actions !”
I looked at Kennyboy and I must confess that I was shocked.
“What do you expect from them, Mike ?” Kennyboy asked when he noticed my face expression “That´s Thailand ! We must appreciate the good health services we have back home. But here in Thailand… It´s not like in our homelands. A poor Thai person with no money would be doomed to die early !”
“That´s not why I´m so shocked !” I said “I know about the problems here in Thailand and I´m just happy that I never needed medical help here. But I´m more shocked about what has happened to you. Paralysed body parts… That sounds like the symptoms of an apoplectic stroke… One of my workmates got one almost two years ago… But you look much better as my mate who is still going through the aftermath effects and will never resume his duties at work again !”
“It wasn´t a stroke !” Kennyboy said “After the financial part was settled, they let me and the cleaner wait in a room. I got another seizure, the cleaner called for help and suddenly the medical staff hurried into the room and began to cut off my clothes. I guess there were about to prepare me for specific first-aid methods that are required in case of a heart attack or an epileptic seizure. I believed death was near, when they brought me to the hospital´s intensive care unit, because something like this never happened before in my life !”
“That´s a nightmare, Kenny !” I said “I´m happy to see you in better health now, mate. What the hell has caused those seizures ? Another new flu virus ?”
“It was a Hepatitis A infection. But I don´t know from where I got it. Maybe from eating food I bought on the street here… Maybe I have brought it with me from home… I really don´t know !” Kennyboy said “They kept me in hospital for two days, till I felt better and was able to move again. My friends from Mickey´s Bar and the cleaner of the hotel were real diamonds… the hospital´s staff was friendly and helped me so much. But I missed my flight and had to make a new booking, because I was unable to go on travel as long as my limbs were not able to stand the flight !”
“Are you fully recovered now ?” I asked “I have read somewhere that it needs weeks and months to recover from Hepatitis infections !”
“No contagiosity at all, Mike !” Kennyboy said and smiled “So, no need to keep distance from me, buddy. But the story is not over yet. Even I´ll try to make the best out of my extended stay, I´ll definitely go to a doctor again, soon after I arrive in Scotland. In the meantime here in Thailand, I will keep myself more in the background of all activities and will definitely keep the booze out of my body. I still feel weak and tired from time to time… but much better as one week ago !”
I grabbed FiveBaht´s arm and said:
“Hey, have you listened to Kennyboy´s story ? He went through hell, a few days ago !”
“Hmmm… yes !” FiveBaht answered “But sorry… I was a little bit absent minded because of my T.luck here. I understood something about a stay in hospital… But I must confess that I have some problems to understand your friend´s dialect. My English is not as same good as your´s Mike !”
“Ah… well, that´s just Kenny´s nice Scottish accent !” I said “You better get your English lessons sorted when you are back home ! But believe me, this man here is very brave and fought successful against a very disturbing health problem !”
I saw Kennyboy starting a chat with one of the bar girls, and so I told his story to FiveBaht by using the German language.
After that I took my mobile phone out of my pocket and typed a message for Yogi.

HI YOGI !
KENNYBOY IS STILL IN TOWN !

Whilst waiting for Yogi´s reply, I thought about Kennyboy´s story and was convinced that he was a very brave man.
A brave man, because I didn´t know what I would have done after suffering from such a health problem.
I guess most of us would have lost their sense for the good things in life, because suffering from such an illness whilst being far away from home is the worst thing that could happen to us in life.
“I would hide in my room, impatiently waiting for a chance to fly home as soon as possible !” I thought for myself “That´s just me: Fighting for my friends, encouraging and helping other people, but surrender to my own helplessness and refusing all help, because I don´t want to be a burden for others ! Well, that´s what N2 of Anna Jet once said to me in the night she took care of me, almost one year ago, after I had sprained my right foot´s ankle !”
But now I saw Kennyboy sitting in a bar and chatting with that girl and treating her well.
“A brave man with a good heart !” I thought “Shouldn´t we call him Braveheart ? This might fit well to him, because he is a Scotsman… But no, I better keep quiet. I don´t want to create any misunderstanding !”
I made the decision to save the Braveheart idea for a future blog entry about Kennyboy´s story, which I would probably write and post a few months after my return from Thailand.
My phone beeped to inform me of a new SMS from Yogi.

UNBELIEVABLE, MIKE !

I smiled and showed the message to Kennyboy.
“Is he still here in Pattaya ?” he asked.
“Yup !” I said “And he is in love !”
Kennyboy laughed.
“Good for him !” he said “He is a fine lad !”
“Yes he is !” I said “I´ll text him to meet up with us !”
FiveBaht stood up from his chair and began to put his camera and other stuff into his backpack.
“Time to say goodbye, Mike !” he said “My taxi will arrive here in five minutes. After a quick visit at Eastiny Hotel to get my suitcase, T.luck and I will be on our way to Bangkok Airport !”
“It was great to meet you again !” I said “Let´s keep in touch, hopefully that we can meet again in Pattaya next time !”
After we had said goodbye to FiveBaht and watched him and his T.luck leaving the Soi in a taxi, I typed a reply to Yogi:

KENNYBOY IS SITTING RIGHT BESIDE ME
HERE IN AUSSIE BAR, SOI 7.
JOIN US !




BEER N´CHIPS
“Those mobile phones are the worst invention ever made !” Kennyboy said when I put my own phone back into my pocket after I had sent the message to Yogi “Look at those girls !”
The girls behind Aussie Bar´s counter were typing messages and were dialing numbers on their phones all the time… and every 30 seconds one of the phones played a notification sound.
Pop songs in Thai and English were used as ring tones… and whenever one of the god damn things rang, the girl who had to receive the call was about to forget the rest of the world… and the thirsty customers in her bar.
“Well, for some reasons I must give you right, Kenny !” I said “I guess you must call or text the waitress in case you want to order one more drink. But I wouldn´t say that mobiles are the worst invention ever. It depends on the phone owner´s habits. It´s modern technology that is availlable for reasonable prices. So, we should use it to make communication easier !”
“Hmmm… yes !” Kennyboy said “But not for me while I´m on holidays !”
“Come on buddy !” I said “You don´t have a mobile phone with you ? How did you inform your friends after you went to hospital ?”
“Everything worked fine !” he answered.
“Everything worked fine, because you was very lucky !” I said “What if the seizure struck you down while you walked alone in a dark side lane of Second Road by night ? How could you have called your friends for help ? I guess, you still need some distance from here in time and in miles before you realise how much luck you had !”
“Aye !” Kennyboy said “That´s one point for you, buddy. My other friends said the same… not about mobile phones… but about the luck I had !”

Yogi didn´t reply my message and so I imagined him getting ready to come to Soi 7 to meet up with us.
I informed Kennyboy about that.
“Ah, yes !” he said “Would be a pleasure to meet him again. I will introduce you both to my friends at Mickey´s Bar later !”
While we were waiting for Yogi, we began a funny talk about the Thai language.
“Do you know Thai ?” I asked.
“Oh no !” Kennyboy answered “And yes… but the basic stuff only !”
“I have given it up !” I said “Lack of time and lack of patience to learn a new language. I´ll stick with my Krautish and English !”
“I know a few words and sentences in Thai only !” Kennyboy said and began to pronounce what he knew:
“Sawaddee… khrup, Khop khun… khrrup, Choke dee… khrrrup !”
“Yes !” I said and laughed “Sounds so real… especially when you pronounce the khrup !”
“Check bin… khrrrrup !” Kennyboy continued “How are you… khrrrrrup !”
“Wait ! That was more English than Thai !” I said.
“I don´t care… khrrrrrrup !” he said “I want one more coke… khrrrrrup, What is your name… khrrrrup, You want go with me to Mickey´s Bar… khrrrrrup !”
I laughed out loud.
Kennyboy continued with various English phrases, always ending with “Khrup” !
“Stop it !” I said when I got the feeling that I couldn´t stop laughing anymore.
“Why… khrrrup ?” he asked.
“I go toilet… khrup !” I said and got up from my chair.

We waited almost one hour for Yogi´s arrival at Aussie Bar.
But he did not come.
I sent another text to him, to inform him that we were off to Mickey´s Bar.
Kennyboy took the lead, because I didn´t know where the bar was.
It was around 3:30pm when we passed by Anna Jet and reached Second Road.
I was worried about Kennyboy´s condition when I saw him walking, because he walked like somebody who was still suffering from physical weaknesses.
“We must cross the road !” he said and made his first step off the sidewalk.
Unintentionally he showed me a perfect way how to cross Second Road through the heavy traffic almost safely… just by walking slowly against the traffic, instead of walking straight to the other side.
I laughed when we reached the other side, almost 50 metres diagonally right opposite of Domicil Restaurant from where we had started to cross the road.
“It´s here… in one of those side lanes !” Kennyboy said “Just follow me… khrup !”
The side lane we entered looked like the one I had visited two weeks before, when I followed board member S1xer to his favorite bar.
I was wondering if it was the same lane… but I wasn´t sure at all.
I remembered the time when I was a newbie in Pattaya, so many years ago:
Streets and bars… all looked the same.
Even now, after so many visits in Pattaya, I still had my problems to find the right side lane on the other side of Second Road.
We reached a small complex of beer bars, where Farangs sat around squarish counters, just like in Aussie Bar.
Kennyboy walked straight towards one of those bars with a sign on which the name of the bar was written:
Mickey´s Bar – British Bar
More than 20 Farangs were sitting there, drinking beer and chatting.
No other language than English was spoken… but in various dialects I barely understood.
I was impressed of the welcome some of the guys gave to Kennyboy:
“Hi Kenny ! How do you feel today ?”
Kennyboy went from here to there, shook hands, spoke a few words with one guy and went over to the next… till one man came forward.
“Hey Kenny !” he said “Where have you been today ? Hope you are feeling well. I´m still waiting that you bring a nice girl with you into this bar. But what do we have here now ?”
Kennyboy put his arm around my shoulders and said:
“This is MekongMike from Germany… a friend I know from an internet forum ! He knows English very well !”
“MekongMike… ?” the guy said “From Germany ? A German… here in our bar ? What the hell is going on here today ?”
I showed him a mock sheepish smile.
But the guy stepped forward quickly and laughed.
He grabbed my arm and said:
“Welcome Mike ! Don´t worry ! Forgive me my joke. This bar here is well known as a place where we meet together to talk nonsense. Everybody is welcome here to join us… and if your English is really that good, I´ll look forward to a nice chat with you !”
“So do I !” I said.
“I haven´t spoken to a German since a long time ago !” he said.
“Since the war ?” I asked.
The guy and some others at the counter laughed out loud.
“Fred ! I didn´t know that you are that old !” one of the guys shouted and the laughter rose once again.
“You made it, mate !” the guy with the name of Fred said to me “Normally I´m the one who laughs with them. But now they are laughing about me !”
“Sorry… Fred !” I said “I will never mention the war again !”
Again the guys broke out in laughter.
Fred put his arm around my shoulders and guided me to a free place at the counter.
“Mike !” he said “Seems to me that you have a great sense of humour. Somebody like you really belongs here to Mickey´s… Doesn´t matters where you come from. You are welcome here ! Your first beer today is on me !”

There I sat… surrounded by a bunch of friendly island monkeys.
All of them were great drinking buddies from various places on monkey island… England, Scotland and even Ireland.
Among the waitresses and bar girls in Mickey´s Bar was no real eye catcher at all.
But that was just okay… for me and for the other guys all around.
Mickey´s Bar was just a nice place to sit, drink and chat by afternoon times.
Fred was a funny guy who made jokes about life, the universe and everything, in the same time he seemed to be very concerned of Kennyboy all the time and behaved like a caring brother to him.
The best brother one could have in life !
I got the feeling that Fred had the potencial to become some sort of leader or caretaker for a group of people with a common interest in life.
“Look around here, Mike !” he said “All the guys here are wearing holiday clothes, such as shorts and sleeveless shirts. Some do so to show off with their tattoos. Others just wear this stuff only, because they are too lazy to put on something better or because they have just returned from the beach. Even you and Kennyboy ! But it´s okay, because you are on holidays as same as I am. But look at me ! I wear this fine shirt that makes me sweat a lot… and those trousers, huh ! My today´s holiday wear is just annoying !”
I looked at him.
“Hmmm… !” I said “What´s your problem, Fred ? You look nice… like a real gentleman ! The women will get crazy for you, mate !”
“Oh, women… yes !” he said “I would prefer to wear something different. But I dressed up for a woman today. I wanted to meet up with my girlfriend here. She should be here by now. But I´m waiting for more than an hour or so already !”
“Maybe she was here already, but hasn´t seen you in the bar, because there are so many Farangs here now !” I said “Maybe she got scared away… by too many noisy Farangs !?”
“Nah… she is Thai and she knows the bar life ! She is probably still sticking together with that Kraut who snatched her away from me while I was on travel !” Fred said “She´s going to be an ex-girlfriend soon if she doesn´t pops up here in the next few minutes ! And, oh… eh, sorry for the word Kraut !”
“Never mind !” I said “But the Kraut you have talked about. I can assure you that it isn´t me !”
“No, no !” Fred said “I know him. He´s a fat boozer in his sixties… staying in a hotel somewhere in Soi 7 !”
“Soi 7 ?” I asked “I stay in Flipper House, Soi 7. I made the acquaintance with a few Krauts there. Do you know that boozer´s name by any chance ?”
“Oh, I don´t know !” he answered “Hans-Herrmann-Sauerkraut or something !”
I laughed.
“So, how can we sort out your problem ?” I asked “Can´t you just call or text her ? Advice her that she should come here and look for a man with a nice shirt ?”
“Well, maybe I should send her a message !” Fred said “Something like: Look for the guy with the annoying shirt ! That´s me !”
I laughed out loud.
“Cheers !” I said “I will never forget the island monkey with the annoying shirt !”
“Island monkey ?” Fred asked “Is that the common term you Krauts use for us Brits ?”
“Inselaffen !” I said in German and lifted my Chang bottle.
“Bloody Krauts !” Fred said and laughed “Cheers, mate ! I guess only your language and nationality is German. But your sense of humour is definitely British !”
My mobile phone rang.
Yogi´s name and number was on the display.
“Another island monkey !” I said and pushed the green button.
“Mike, where are you ?” Yogi shouted in my ear “I´m here in front of this Aussie Bar !”
“Haven´t you got my message ?” I asked “Kenny and I… we are here in Mickey´s Bar now. Come overhere !”
“Where is this Mickey´s Bar ?” Yogi asked.
“In a small side lane on the other side of Second Road !” I said “Oh, just wait ! I´ll hand the phone over to Kennyboy. He can give you some directions !”
Whilst Kennyboy talked with Yogi on my phone, I noticed a bar girl carrying a bowl with something in it that looked like oversized french fries.
“Pommes Frites ?” I asked.
“What ?” Fred said “I don´t understand French !”
“French Fries ?” I asked.
The bar girl put the bowl onto the counter and instantly some guys armed with plastic forks began to pick those potato things out of it.
“Nah, Mike !” Fred said “Chips ! Just like back home on monkey… England ! You want some ?”
“Fish n´chips ?” I asked.
“Just chips !” Fred explained and gave me a fork “You can call it beer n´chips, if you want !”
“Yogi is on his way !” Kennyboy said and gave me my phone back.
“Great !” I said and picked some chips out of the bowl.

Almost 10 minutes later, Yogi popped up behind me at the counter.
“Hi Mike !” he said, and looked to Kennyboy who sat beside me.
“I don´t believe it !” Yogi said more to himself than to me “He really is still in town !”
Kennyboy, still munching chips, turned around.
“Yogi !” he said and stood up from his chair to shake Yogi´s hand.
Fred didn´t notice anything of all that, because his eyes were fixed on something else.
“Oh… there comes my lady !” he suddenly said with a funny singsong in his voice and jumped off his chair.
Kennyboy talked with Yogi… and Fred sat down beside a Thai lady at a seat arrangement in a few metres distance from the main counter.
In the loud music and the voices of the chatting Farangs all around me, I didn´t understand what my friends were talking to each other.
But I saw that Yogi had a serious face expression whilst Kennyboy probably told him his story.
Fred and his T.luck… well, it looked like they were discussing a serious problem.
I sat back, ordered drinks for my friends and myself, and began a chat with another guy from Scotland.
After a few minutes, Yogi and Kennyboy returned to my place at the counter.
Yogi tried to find a free seat.
But all he found was the concrete pedestal of one of the pillars that held the bar´s roof.
He sat down on it and turned himself into a dwarf by doing so, because from his position now he could barely look over the counter.
“They don´t serve drinks to children here !” I said and laughed.
“I´m Jedi master Yogi !” he said “The brother of Yoda I am. Size no matter does, because the force with me is !”
“Hey… master Yogi !” I said “Where is your T.luck ?”
Yogi stood up from his hard and uncomfortable seat.
“I´ll meet her again later tonight !” he said “She´s probably in her own room now. Haven´t seen her today. But I was busy anyway… with packing !”
“Packing ?” I asked.
“I have to fly home tomorrow evening ! Didn´t you know that ?” Yogi said and sat down on the pedestal again.
“Have you said goodbye to Anna and Pete already ?” Kennyboy asked.
“No !” Yogi answered “Will do so tonight, before I pick up my lady from Airport Club. Anna Jet is a must-see on my last night out !”
“Aye !” Kennyboy said “I´ll come there too ! What about you, Mike ?”
“Aye !” I said.
“Aye, aye, aye !” I heard Fred´s voice behind me “Kenny, are you teaching Mike in Scottish, or what ? By the way, PeterP is a nice guy and his bar is great ! Haven´t seen him for some time. I will join you tonight, because I´m free like a bird since a few minutes ago !”
I turned around.
“Your lady… ?” I asked.
Fred shook his head.
Neither of us spoke for a few seconds.
“Well, my fellow island monkeys and Krauts… I guess 9:00 o´clock tonight might be a good time to meet up at Anna Jet !” Fred said.
“Aye !” Kennyboy said.
“Unless you think a guy with an annoying shirt would not make a good company !” Fred said.
“No problem !” I said “You´re just too sexy for your shirt, Fred !”
Kennyboy chuckled.
“It doesn´t matters what shirt you wear on a visit to Anna Jet !” Yogi said from his position down on the pedestal beside me “The girls will love you anyway !”
“Yes ! But I´ll change my shirt, before I go out tonight !” Fred said and laughed “By the way, Mike, tell me… Who is that funny dwarf beside you ?”




FEELS LIKE A SLAP
“Bloody island monkeys !” I thought and laughed “That was one hell of a funny afternoon, overthere at Mickey´s !”
I was back in my room in Flipper House and laid down on my bed, wearing only a towel as sarong around my hips after taking a shower.
I felt slightly drunk from all the afternoon beers and decided to sleep for one hour or so, before I would get ready for the night.
The feeling of being slightly drunk by afternoon time in the steaming heat of a tropical country was always strange:
While I crossed Second Road, I permanently felt like in the few seconds after I had got a slap in my face by the hand of an angry Thai girl.
Even it was just a side effect of consuming too much alcohol by day time, I could almost feel where the imaginary girl´s hand has hit my cheek.
Maybe my subconsciousness was telling me what I really deserved after being such a butterfly for three weeks.
But for some reasons I was just amuzed of this analogy and remembered a scene of Pirates Of The Carribean in which one of the characters got slapped in his face by a hooker after he had asked her for Captain Jack Sparrow.
I wondered if this would happen to any of my friends if he asks a Pattaya bar girl for me:
“What ? MekongMike is friend you ?” …slap !!!

I woke up around 8:00pm and felt hungry.
The feeling of being slapped was gone.
Nevertheless I took a shower again, before I put my trousers and an annoying shirt on and went down to the hotel´s restaurant to grab something to eat.
My teutonic sense for punctuality was the reason why I was the first of us who arrived at Anna Jet.
I sat down at one of the tables in the middle of the bar and ordered my first MekongCoke.
Kennyboy arrived around 9:00pm, followed by Fred and a Thai woman 15 minutes later.
“Nice shirt, Mike !” Fred said and sat down beside me, whilst Kennyboy started dancing with one of the Anna Jet girls.
“Look at Kenny !” Fred said “Looks like he has found something for tonight ! I´m just happy to see him in good health again. What about you, Mike ?”
“I´m fine… no health problem at all !” I said.
“That´s not what I meant !” Fred said.
“Of course I´m as same happy as you, to see Kenny in good health !” I answered “After all he has told me in the afternoon… !”
“No, that´s also not what I meant !” Fred said and laughed, but didn´t tell me what exactly he wanted to hear from me.
After I had emptied my first glass of MekongCoke, I realised that the booze was reactivating the feeling of being slapped by a girl´s hand, and that talking nonsense in a slightly drunken stupor was the only thing I could do anyway.
The slap feeling was on my left cheek and… I jumped up on my chair when I suddenly felt the soft palm of a real girl´s hand touching my face gently from behind me.
I turned around.
“You scared me ?” Doctor B. asked.
I reached out for her and pulled her close beside me.
“No !” I said “One drink for you, little sister ?
“Yes barther !” she said and showed me a wai.
“Barther ?” Fred asked.
“She meant brother !” I said “The fact that English is not my mother tongue gives me the ability to understand the Thai girls´ English very well !”
“Hmmm… ! She is cute !” Fred said “That´s finally answers my question, about what you are up to tonight !”
“What ?” I asked.
“Forget it !” Fred answered.
“Well… Cheers !” I said and lifted my new glass.
Kennyboy returned to our place together with his new found T.luck.
He had a happy face expression and for some reasons he felt the need to shake our hands or to give us a hug.
“Hey Kenny !” I said “Looks like your extended stay is going to be a success !”
“Aye !” he said “Just four more days… I´ll try to make the best out of it !”
“Take care old friend !” Fred said with a serious voice “Don´t drink too much !”
Yogi arrived around 9:30pm.
“Han Solo and princess Leia again !” he said and looked at me and B. “I knew it ! Doctor B. is still your number one AJ girl, Mike !”
“Well, it´s just because I´m suffering from the boomerang syndrom !” I said “Like a boomerang I´m always coming back to my girl !”
“Boomerang Farang Mike !” B. said and giggled “I love my big teddybear !”
“Nah… don´t love me too much !” I said “I´m a butterfly !”
“And boomerang !” B. said “My best boomerang ever !”
My friends laughed out loud.
I noticed the woman who had come into the bar together with Fred, now sitting at the counter and chatting with Anna.
“Looks like your girlfriend is back !” I said “Has the fat boozer from Krautland died, or has she made the decision to stay with the man who is too sexy for his shirt ?”
“Nah, that´s another one !” Fred explained “One of my other girlfriends !”
I grabbed Kennyboy´s arm and asked:
“How many girlfriends has Fred ?”
“Don´t know !” Kennyboy said “We stopped counting a few years ago !”
Suddenly, the door to the stairway of Anna Jet guesthouse swung open and PeterP entered the bar.
He stopped after a few steps and looked at us with a surprised face expression.
“Yo, Pete !” Fred shouted “Good to see ya ! Hey, come overhere. You look like you´ve just seen a ghost !”
“I don´t believe it !” PeterP said when he reached our table “Kennyboy is still in town ! How is that possible ?”
Fred began to tell him Kennyboy´s story, whilst Yogi and I started talking nonsense and making fun with the girls.
A few minutes later, when Anna and Fred´s T.luck joined us, PeterP looked at me.
“And what happened to you, Mike ?” he asked “Why is your face so red ? Got sunburn ?”
“Don´t know !” I said “I guess it´s from drinking too much beer in the afternoon. Feels like I got a slap from a girl !”
PeterP laughed.
“What have you done to him, B. ?” he asked.
Doctor B. giggled.
“Nothing !” she said “Not now… but maybe later !”
“Hey, Captain Solo !” Yogi said “Remember… the force is always with you !”
“Han Solo wasn´t a Jedi !” I answered “He was the only solid character in the story !”
“What the hell are you talking about ?” PeterP asked.
“Well, Yogi and I have discussed a new collage project that I´ll try to start when I´m back home !” I explained “If I ever find some time to do so !”
“What is it this time ?” PeterP asked “I love the posters you´ve made for Anna Jet… with you or me as Indy !”
“Star Wars !” Yogi said “With Mike as Han Solo and me as Yoda !”
PeterP chuckled.
“Maybe you are going to be Darth Vader, Pete !” I added “Hope you´ll not be too annoyed about that. But Darth Peter… sounds good !”
“Never mind !” PeterP said and laughed.
“I wonder what you decide for me !” Fred said, whilst PeterP began to ape Darth Vader´s walk “How lucky I am… You don´t have my photo !”
“I mean no offense at all !” I said “Understand all this just as part of the holiday fun… and, hey Pete ! Your Darth Vader walk is very inspiring. But it´s enough ! Just get us some more drinks, for you and Anna, Yogi, Fred, Kenny and our T.lucks… on my bill !”

Almost two hours later, in the middle of our conversation about Yogi´s departure day, Yogi himself fell silent, looked at me and showed me a smile.
Suddenly he jumped up from his chair like a monkey, rushed to the counter and rang the bell.
While everybody in the bar gave him applause, he slowly walked back to our place.
His face expression was something inbetween happy and sad.
Happy because of the great night we had all together, and sad because he had to travel home on the next day.
“Cheers, my friends !” he said “I´m leaving after this drink, to see my lady !”
“Cheers, Yogi !” I said “Hope to meet you again on my next holidays !”
“Aye !” Kennyboy said, reached over the table and touched our shoulders “Let´s meet again, all together !”
“Aye… Khrup !” I said and showed him a thumbs-up gesture.




ANGEL AND DEVIL
“Mike, Mike !” Doctor B. said on the next morning, while she put her clothes on “You know why I like you so much ?”
“Hmmm… ?” I said “I know ! You told me many times. But tell me again if you wish !”
“I know you don´t want to hear this. But you good man with great heart… for ladies !” she said “You always listen to me when I speak with you and tell you about me. And you help me with what you say to me. You not same same other customers for me… You are my barther !”
“Brother !” I said and showed her a weak smile “You told me that before. But you are wrong. I´m not that special. I´m just another butterfly man !”
“Yes, I know you always say you butterfly man !” B. said “But you have good heart. Other girls say the same about you, Mike !”
“Interesting !” I said “I wonder what I´ve done that you all love me so much. Isn´t it normal that people listen to each other as soon as they have made friendship ?”
“Pattaya not same same !” B. answered with a sad voice “Not when Farang man meets lady Thai !”
I didn´t know what to answer and B. seemed to realise that.
She showed me a killing smile.
“Mike !” she said after a while “Some girls of Anna Jet really like you. Some are jealous, because they never go with you. But one really loves you too much !”
“Who is that ?” I asked “You ?”
B. laughed out loud, like when I had just told her a joke.
“You my barther, Mike !” she said “Don´t you know ?”
“Brother !” I said “So, who is the one who loves me too much ? Don´t tell me that MissMoody is back in town earlier as expected !”
“Miss… who ?” B. asked.
“Forget it !” I said and laughed “Tell me who it is… who loves me too much !”
“Hmmm… I not tell you !” she said and flicked her hair nonchalantly.
“You know that it always makes me crazy when you flick your hair like this !” I said “Tell me or I catch you and tickle you till you laugh… and then I´ll tickle you because you laugh !”
“No !” she said and flicked her hair again.
I jumped off the bed and caught B. before she could escape into the bathroom.
I tickled her hips and back… and she exploded in laughter.
“No Mike, noooo !” she screamed “Please, stop ! I will tell you !”
“And ?” I asked while I held her in my arms.
She snuggled up to my body and said:
“I tell you little bit only, because lady no want me to tell you !”
“Why ?” I asked.
“She scared, you not come back for her again !” B. explained “She is now together with other man for long-time, a few more days. But she asks me every day for you. She wants me to take care you very good !”
“Who is it ?” I asked.
“She never forget what you say to her !” B. continued “You say that she is a little angel !”

Meditation…
Well, that´s what I used to call it.
But I knew all too well that it wasn´t any sort of real meditation, even it worked perfectly well for me.
I just used to sit in my armchair at a corner of my bedroom back home in Germany, got my feet up on my bed and relaxed by keeping my eyes closed and trying to think of nothing.
Emptiness…
That was the thing a real Buddhist tried to find by meditation.
But I wasn´t a real Buddhist.
I had failed on my way to become one, back in 1992 when my interest in Asian philosophies had encouraged me to join a Zen Buddhist community´s seminary in Germany for a few weeks… only to find out that it was definitely not my cup of tea.
Now, the emptiness I reached during my so called meditations used to be full of fantasies and funny stuff, about life, the universe and everything.
But it was more fun than anything I had learned in the seminary, because I wasn´t searching for enlightenment when I found the time to relax in an armchair.
Here at Jomtien Beach, things were different.
Not that I tried to find enlightenment… silly ! The chair on the beach was just not so cushy !
I tried to sleep on my deck chair… But the noises all around were keeping me awake.
It wasn´t disturbing at all, because I found something better than sleep:
Meditation…
Once again the emptiness of my mind got filled up with the most funny stuff one could imagine.
Sometimes I wonder where it had come from.
Looked like I got inspired by my own creative mind, that saw the funny side of holiday life only.
For some reasons I remembered the tiny angel and tiny devil who sat on a cartoon character´s shoulders to whisper suggestions into his ears.
They were symbols to describe the character´s inner conflict about a situation or about decisions to make.
Now, at Jomtien Beach, I fantasized a funny story of myself with the little angel and little devil on my shoulders:

The tiny angel who sat on my right shoulder looked like ThaiDancer… so, I gave him the name of BernyAngel.
“You know that B. had talked about R. !” BernyAngel said “The girl that has got the nickname of Nang Far from you !”
“Yup !” I said “It was easy to guess that !”
“You should bar fine her again !” BernyAngel continued “Maybe she is the one in a million for you !”
“Nah !” I said “I will not do the same as you did, ThaiDancer ! I will definitely not start anything that could end up in sponsoring or bringing a Thai girl to Germany !”
“That´s absolutely right, Mike !” I heard SamSongTom´s voice beside me and saw that a tiny devil with SamSongTom´s face was sitting on my left shoulder.
I gave him the name of TommyDevil.
“I don´t like to say this. But in one thing, BernyAngel is right !” TommyDevil said “You should bar fine her again. She´s cute ! Looks like she wants to be your girlfriend for a longer period of time. Go for it, Mike. But send her back to her buffalos after you got what you really want for a few days: unrestrained sex !”
“That wouldn´t be right !” I said “I can´t get rid of the feeling that Nang Far really wants more as a customer for one or two nights could ever give her ! But I also can´t give her what she desires and deserves. So, I better keep my distance from her !”
“You should marry her !” BernyAngel said “You are going to be the happiest man in the world !”
“Bullshit !” TommyDevil shouted “Those Thai girls are all the same ! But I´m not surprised that you give such a silly advice to Mike, who is a happy man already. You are an avatar of ThaiDancer ! Tell me, what have you got with your J. ? She´s cheating you… you know that !? So, instead of talking nonsense here, you better piss off to your cloud nine !”
“We are not talking about me here !” BernyAngel answered “We must find a solution for Mike´s conflict !”
“There is no conflict at all !” I said.
“Shut up, Mike ! Let me handle this !” TommyDevil said “Let´s hear what this winged fool has to say, before we mangle him !”
“Mike, just try to check it out !” BernyAngel said “A change in life wouldn´t be so bad. You are not getting younger, mate !”
“Bah… bollox !” TommyDevil said “Nang Far is so small… But why not ? Even the smallest girl can give you fun, Mike. Forget your doubts. She is 30 years old already and very experienced. An age that probably makes her desperately looking for a soul mate. Imagine the fun you would have with her, if you would just tell her a simple little lie. Tell her that she is your number one girl in life ! Maybe she will love you, dearly and truly. All you have to do is to play on her feelings, to have a good time. And when your holidays are over… you just have to forget her !”
“That´s not good !” BernyAngel said “It´s not fair ! Mike is not that evil ! If he really returns to Nang Far, he should try to start a relationship with her, based on honesty and true love !”
“Something he can not !” TommyDevil said.
“Something he can !” BernyAngel answered.
“He can not !” TommyDevil said “He just wants to have fun. But you and your moody dreams of true love are holding him back !”
“He never surrendered to his true feelings !” BernyAngel said.
“He did !” TommyDevil said “But it ended in a desaster ! Do you remember K. ?”
“Hey, hey, hey !” I shouted “Can I say something too ?”
“Aaah… the name of K. has still the power to wake you up !” TommyDevil said and showed me a malicious smile.
“Leave him alone !” BernyAngel shouted.
“Shut up !” TommyDevil shouted back over my head “Go back to your J. and dream on for the rest of your life !”
“Stop it !” I shouted “It´s enough. You should leave me alone ! Both of you ! I´m my own lord and I know full well what I have to do. There are no angels and devils talking to me. I´m not paranoid !”
“Nobody said that you are paranoid, Mike !” BernyAngel said with a soft voice “Just listen to me… not to him !”
“Oh, I´ll come overthere and pull all the feathers off your silly wings !” TommyDevil said to BernyAngel “But listen to me, Mike ! The fact that you are not paranoid is no proof that I´m not longer after you !”
“Enough !” I shouted “I´m the creator of this my little fantasy universe in which this conflict takes place. You both are not longer existing ! So, fuck off !”
“Are you referring to the things you´ve learned in the Buddhist seminary ?” BernyAngel asked whilst fading away already “Hmmm… looks like it works ! Ta ra !”
“Yeah !” TommyDevil said “Everybody creates his personal universe everytime. You still remember everything, eh !? At least your Buddhist teacher didn´t force you to sit in the lotus position, fatso ! Would give us a good laugh though !”
I looked at TommyDevil… He was not fading away.
“Why are you still here ?” I asked “You don´t exist !”
“Who do you think you are ?” TommyDevil asked “Siddartha Gautama, sitting under the Banyan tree on his way to enlightenment ? I´m not so easy to chase off like Mara, the demon, who tried to stop Siddartha from becoming a Buddha ! I´m an avatar of the best travel companion you ever had in life. You are not on the path of enlightenment, but on the path of transformation !”
“You don´t exist !” I shouted.
“What about a little go go bar tour tonight ?” he asked “Would be a hell of fun !”
“You don´t exist !” I said again.
“Shit ! No wonder that you failed in practicing Rishathra !” TommyDevil said, and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.

I opened my eyes and got blinded by the afternoon sunlight.
I felt a burning spot on my chest´s skin.
“Damn !” I thought when I realised that the sun had heated up the polished steel pendant I was wearing on a leather necklace.
The Five-Euro-Buddha got hot, like when it tried to remind me of something.
I cooled it down by pouring some water from a soda bottle onto my chest.
“You want massage, Mike ?” I heard one of the two masseuses saying.
I looked up to them… still holding the bottle in my hand.
The water was running down the curve of my belly, made my swimming trunks wet and dripped down onto the sand of the beach.
It made me look like a boozer who had just pissed in his pants.
“Aaaah… yes !” I said “Just give me a minute !”
The other masseuse looked straight down to my trunks.
“What are you doing, Mike ?” she asked.
“Ah… well ! Washing the Buddha !” I said and lifted the pendant up to show it to her “Never mind ! Some practice for Songkran, you know !?”




SLEEPING ON A BAHT BUS
“Finally we meet together at a place where we don´t need to shout to make ourselves understandable to each other !” I said after we had arrived in Pattaya Beer Garden “A good place to sit and chat, without getting disturbed by loud music !”
“And a good place to have a dinner !” Sharkbait said “I´m hungry !”
“I have been here before !” I said “Almost three weeks ago… on our little board meet up. It was the night SamSongTom´s restless behavior pissed me off a little bit !”
“You posted something about that on the board !” Sharkbait said “He left you, because he wanted to start the go go bar tour early !”
“Yes !” I said “In fact we followed Tallguy´s call to meet up here and start a tour. But I saw it coming… It was a unique chance to meet together with so many board members. Nobody else had a problem with the fact that Tallguy´s plans were changed… not even Tallguy himself or the girls we brought with us. SamSongTom should have known that we would end up sitting here and chatting for a long while !”
“Well, I met SamSongTom one or two times only !” Sharkbait said “He seems to be a nice guy. I hope you are not longer angry. It could disturb your friendship badly !”
“No !” I said “It´s okay. We went separate ways for a while, but ended up together again almost every night… drinking and laughing together !”
Sharkbait laughed.
“True friendship… eh ?” he asked.
“Yes !” I said “But sometimes I wonder how a quiet person like ThaiDancer had ever made friendship with a hyperactive guy like SamSongTom !”
“I haven´t read all your blog entries, Mike !” Sharkbait said “But the name of ThaiDancer is well known to me, because you have mentioned him many times. He is the one who is married with a Thai lady now… right !?”
“Yup !” I answered “He hasn´t travelled to Thailand again since he got married, almost four years ago. But his wife is always on travel. The ThaiDancers´marital life is not going well… But that´s a long story. ThaiDancer, Bernysan, himself is a very quiet person… completely different from SamSongTom !”
“And you ?” Sharkbait asked “How would you describe yourself ?”
“As somebody inbetween ThaiDancer and SamSongTom !” I answered “ThaiDancer is sometimes too quiet and too boring for me… sitting in Blues Factory or in beer bars only, almost every night. SamSongTom is too restless everytime… go go bars and discos every night till 6:00 o´clock in the morning !”
“So, what´s your favorite things to do, while you are in Pattaya ?” Sharkbait asked.
“A little bit of everything !” I said “But definitely not the stuff SamSongTom likes most. I have explained it to him and on the board so many times. I come here to relax and to enjoy my holidays. I don´t come here to have as much sex as possible !”
“Are there any things-to-do here in Pattaya, you would never do ?” Sharkbait asked.
“Bungee Jumping !” I said and laughed “Because I´m scared of great heights. But seriously… I´m really not interested in the whole Hell or Eden Club stuff. I just don´t like the feeling of getting forced to bar fine a girl and to have sex. That´s why I never visit Soi 6 and soapy massage parlours !”
“You´ve never been to Soi 6 ?” Sharkbait asked “I can´t believe that !”
“I have been to Soi 6 many times !” I said “But not on this holidays. Several years ago I went there for an afternoon drink. But I must confess that I felt a little bit uncomfortable there. I´m not the type of man who likes short-times. I also had my soapie massage experience… but that was an accident !”
“An accident ?” Sharkbait asked.
“Well, that was funny !” I said and laughed “It was a rainy day in April 2007. I sat under those huge sunshade umbrellas at Jomtien Beach all afternoon long together with some other Germans. We drank a lot of beers and had all the fun in the world. When I finally sat in the Baht bus on my way back to Soi 7, I was drunk as hell, fell asleep and missed the corner on Second Road where I had to get off. In the first moment after I had paid the driver, I didn´t know where I was and decided to walk all the way back towards the sign of Big C shopping center. On my way, I got attracted by two girls who stood at the entrance of a massage parlour… I went inside and well, it was just… interesting !”
Sharkbait laughed out loud.
“How can one fall asleep on a Baht bus that rumbles down Second Road ?” he said “You must have been very drunk. Maybe you should try a soapie again when you are sober !”
“Well, it was one of those things in Pattaya that had to be done by every man who comes overhere for holidays !” I said “Maybe I´ll try it again, when I´m in the right mood to do so !”
“What ? Sleeping on a Baht bus ?” Sharkbait asked and we both laught out loud.
“By the way, where is board member Sauce ?” I asked “I have dialed his Thai number many times in the past few days. But it seems to me that his phone is switched off all the time !”
“I met him a few days ago !” Sharkbait said “He is probably the youngest UKBKK member of us all. A nice man… The girls all love him. I guess he is on travel at the moment. But he said to me that he will call you soon !”

“Sleeping on a Baht bus… !” I said and chuckled when we entered Walking Street after dinner “This should become a synonym for all the strange and silly things one could do whilst being in Thailand. Imagine a new topic on the forum with this synonym in it´s title… like: Another Bad Case Of Sleeping On A Baht Bus !”
Sharkbait laughed.

We sat down at the counter of Don´t Tell Mama Bar and after the usual welcome procedure with Mamasan and the girls, we ordered our drinks.
“Mike !” Sharkbait said “As you know, this is my last night out in Pattaya. Tomorrow I´ll be off to Bangkok where I´m going to stay for three more days before I fly to Australia. I´ll come back here after Songkran and will stay for another two weeks, before I travel home to England. But you will be gone then. So, I want to inform you tonight, that it would be great to welcome you in my homeland. Maybe we will have another UKBKK board meet up in London or somewhere else in near future. The U.K. is not so far away from your place in Germany. What do you think ? Wouldn´t it be great to visit us for a weekend ?”
“That would be great !” I answered “Thanks for the invitation, mate. I´ll see what I can do. The problem with me is, that I have to work on weekends most time of a year. And it looks like that I´m going to be more busy with my job as ever before, at least in the coming one and a half year. This has something to do with the renovation of the swimming pools and with other changes that come at my workplaces. In the past few years I could barely make it to see my friends who live miles away from me in other towns of Germany. And those who live in my town are sometimes asking me on the phone if I´m still alive, because they don´t hear from me for long periods of time !”
“Well, the board meet ups were always on weekends !” Sharbait said “For obvious reasons… Just keep it in your mind, Mike. I´m sure you can make it, to get a weekend off from work !”
“Let´s keep in touch, anyway !” I said “One fine day, I´ll make it !”

Yogi´s SMS came in whilst we were on our way to FLB Bar.

GOOD BYE, MIKE !
I HAVE JUST CHECKED IN.
FLIGHT GOES IN TWO HOURS FROM NOW.
LET´S KEEP IN TOUCH ON THE FORUM.

I texted a reply, soon after we took our seats at a table, right in the centre of FLB Bar:

GODSPEED MASTER YOGI !
HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
RETURNING TO PATTAYA WE WILL !

Sharkbait looked at me with a surprised face expression, when MissGermany came to me and embraced me.
“Hi !” I said to her “Nice to see you again. A drink for you ?”
She showed me a wai and went to the counter to get our drinks.
“Looks like you are well-loved by many girls !” Sharkbait said “Not only in Anna Jet Bar !”
“I always do my best !” I said and laughed “Not only at Anna Jet´s !”

BYE BYE, MIKE !
I SWITCH OFF THAI PHONE NOW.
TOO MANY T.LUCK CALLS…
MAKES ME SAD… I WALK AROUND HERE.
HAVING A BEER WHILE WAITING FOR BOARDING TIME.
BUT FIRST THE YOGI EATING MUST !
CHEERS !

I showed the message to Sharkbait.
“Too bad that I never met this guy !” he said and smiled “Maybe next time !”
“Cheers !” I said and lifted my glass “To Yogi and to our next meet up !”
“Cheers !” Sharkbait said “It was good to meet you !”

Around 10:30pm Sharkbait said goodbye to me, because he wanted to bar fine his T.luck from the bar behind Mama´s again.
I gave him a bear hug and MissGermany seemed to be very impressed of this act of friendship.
I stayed for one more hour in FLB Bar, before I went down Walking Street to get a motorbike taxi.
Once again, something was holding me back from bar fining MissGermany.
She was cute… But somehow she still appeared to be too farm-fresh for me.
Her English was basic… and the little bit of German she knew didn´t really count.
I must confess that normaly it would have been great to take her with me… against all the doubts and prejudices I had.
But in this night, things seemed to be different.
“Too many partings !” I thought “All my friends are leaving or are back home already !”
I made the decision to make contact with Tallguy and Sauce again on the next day… and to look for Kennyboy and Fred at Mickey´s Bar by afternoon time.

“It´s all because of Nang Far !” I heard TommyDevil´s voice in my left ear “Nang Far, Nang Far, Nang Far ! You can´t get her out of your mind, since Doctor B. has told you in the morning that R. has asked for you !”
“True !” BernyAngel whispered in my right ear “Go to Anna Jet… now !”
“Not now !” TommyDevil said “Go back to FLB Bar and get MissGermany ! Or go to Airport Club and bar fine two show girls. Returning to Anna Jet now would be another bad case of sleeping on a Baht bus. You are going to be Doctor B.´s teddybear again !”

I went to one of the motorbike taxi drivers near the entrance of Walking Street.
He smiled and gave me a white plastic bubble that looked like a helmet.
I put it on and got the feeling that I looked like one of the stormtroopers in Mel Brook´s Spaceballs.
Jedi master Yogi would be proud !
“Soi 7 !” I said and took seat behind the driver “Anna Jet Bar !”




AUSSIE INVASION AND SILICONE DREAMS
Kra Whoom !
The loud noise woke me up around 11:30 on the next morning.
Three questions popped up in my mind like traffic signs:
“What was that ?”
“Why do I feel so bad ?”
“Where is my lady ?”
The memory returned little by little… aching slowly:
It was another pulley accident at the construction site beside Flipper House that had caused the loud noise !
I was feeling so bad now, because I was drunk last night !
There is no lady in my room, because I had been too drunk to bar fine anyone last night in… Casino Club !
I turned around in my bed… desperately trying to fall back into sleep.
The memory was fragmentary only… and thinking was nearly impossible.
I suffered from the mother of all hangovers.
“Casino Club !” I thought “How the hell did I get to Casino Club ? Hadn´t I visited Anna Jet last night ?”
Along with the headache came the total recall of my memory:

I had arrived at Anna Jet around midnight.
The bar was dead quiet.
Neither Doctor B. nor Nang Far were working…
PeterP sat there at the counter and was bored.
He seemed to be happy to see me.
Two other Englishmen arrived in the bar and together we went on four motorbike taxis to Casino Club.
Overthere we had all the fun in the world… probably till 5:30 in the morning.
I barely remembered that PeterP tried to hook me up with one of the Casino girls.
But I was drunk as a skunk already.
The rest of all my memories were fragments only:
For some reasons I suddenly sat alone in Casino Club, watching the girls dancing on the stage.
PeterP and the others were gone.
I don´t remember how I got back to Flipper House.
But I remember that I got blinded by the morning sunlight when I left Casino Club.

The water in the swimming pool was too warm and I wished it would be colder and more refreshing.
Nevertheless it was a little help against the headache… swimming and Aspirine.
I spent the most time of the afternoon on my deck chair at the pool, sleeping under a sunshade.
I felt like an old and sick man at a spa or in a rest home.
The drinking session in the night before had destroyed me… and I wondered if I would ever feel better again.
I returned to my room around 4:30pm.
After another light sleep on my bed, I began to feel better.
But some memories of the night before remained missing… till today !

Around 5:00pm I made the decision to sit down in Aussie Bar to have a coke and to watch the world passing by in Soi 7.
Half an hour later, I changed from coke to San Miguel, and from people watching to a chat with one of SamSongTom´s T.lucks.
Her name was Yo.… and she was definitely not the type of girl I liked.
But who cares ?
I bought her a drink and talked with her about the holidays I had spent together with SamSongTom in the past few years.
My mobile phone rang and I received the call.
“Mikelsan !” I heard SamSongTom´s voice “How are you, mate ?”
“Hi Tommysan !” I said “How is the weather in Germany ?”
“Not bad !” he answered “Looks like spring time comes early this year. Where are you, right now ?”
“Aussie Bar !” I said “Had a hell of a hangover in the morning, after I had been on tour with PeterP !”
“Ah… any of my girls there in Aussie Bar at the moment ?” SamSongTom asked.
“Yes !” I said and looked around “But… huh ! Where is she ?”
Yo. had left her place beside me, soon after I began talking in German on the phone.
“Just a second !” I said to SamSongTom “Yo. is here !”
I went over to the other end of the counter, where Yo. sat together with two other girls.
“Somebody wants to talk to you !” I said and held the phone on her ear.
She smiled and took the phone in her hand.
“Hello ?” she said whilst I returned to my seat.
From the few metres distance I suddenly heard her voice: “Tommy, Tommy, Tommy ! I´m so happy you call me !”
“Aaaargh !” I thought “I´m so happy you call me… I need money for buffalo !”
After three and a half weeks in Pattaya, I finally turned out to be a bad cynic again.
“Becoming a cynic is a side effect of being a butterfly !” I thought “It´s the butterfly effect ! But it´s good that I´m suffering from the boomerang syndrom too. Otherwise I couldn´t stand all this anymore !”
I made the decision that being a cynic wasn´t so bad, because it was also a good protection against doing something silly, like ThaiDancer was still doing… and like I did when I was here for the first time in my life.
“Bad cases of sleeping on a Baht bus… !”
Yo. came over to me and gave me my phone.
“Tommy now want speak with you !” she said and kissed me on my cheek “Thank you, you give phone me to speak with your friend !”
I put the phone on my ear and smiled to Yo.
“What have you promised her ?” I said loud, knowing full well that Yo. and the other Thai girls didn´t understand German “Are you going to sponsor her water buffalo, or what !? She´s happy like a pig in shit now !”
“Nah… Mikelsan !” SamSongTom said “You know that I´m well-loved by many girls. But listen to me, Mike. You should go to Party Bar soon. I have spoken to Jt. on the phone earlier today. She told me that the Insomnia owners have invited a group of 30 Australians who have arrived in Pattaya today. They´ll definitely hit the ground running and their main pasture ground will be Party Bar and Insomnia !”
“Pasture ground ?” I asked “Why do you want me to go there to see those Aussies ?”
“You know what I mean with pasture ground !” SamSongTom said “Jt. told me that the girls have to start working earlier every afternoon, from today on. I´m sure that the bar will be overcrowded with Aussies every night. And the best girls will be bar fined already, long before you arrive there !”
“And ?” I asked.
“And… what !?” SamSongTom said “Jt. also told me that PL. is missing you. They both thought that you have travelled home already… together with me. Where have you been in the past three days ?”
“I met a Scotsman on your departure day, whilst I sat together with FiveBaht here in Aussie Bar !” I said “The Scotsman is one of the AJ Forum members. He had some health problems here. Otherwise he would be back home already since one week or so. He introduced me to his friends. Yesterday I met Sharkbait on his last night out and ended up in Casino Club together with Pete. Do you really think that PL. is missing me ? Well, if this is true, she will wait for me and will not go with any other Farang !”
“Mikelsan, you assume too much from these working girls !” SamSongTom said.
“I meant it as a joke, mate !” I said “I know the rules full well ! Aussie invasion or not… I don´t care ! Will have a look at Party Bar tomorrow night. By the way, I haven´t heard anything from the AIS staff of Big C again. I guess, they´ll never find the German SIM you have lost overthere !”
“It´s here !” SamSongTom said “I haven´t lost it at the AIS counter. It was in my washbag !”
“Bugger !” I said “But well… it was just an interesting experience of how things go here in Thailand when a Farang asks for help !”

For some reasons it was impossible to get Tallguy or Sauce on the phone.
So, I made the decision to go alone to Walking Street after dinner.
I started my round in Casanovi´s, after that Silver Star 2 and Living Dolls.
I gave Airport Club and What´s Up A Go Go a miss, because I knew full well that once I would be in there, I wouldn´t get out anymore for the rest of the night.
Instead of this, I went to Don´t Tell Mama and had a nice chat with a girl named Nk. overthere.
After Mama´s I went to FLB Bar for two more drinks.
MissGermany was not working in that night and so, I made the decision to return to Soi 7 early.
I felt tired and realised that the drinking session of the night before, wasn´t a thing-to-do for me every night.
Nevertheless, I didn´t make it to pass by Anna Jet without going inside for a last drink.
Nang Far was there, sitting together with her customer.
She smiled to me.
I sat down at the counter and chatted with Anna.
Later I watched PeterP dancing at the entrance, when the DJ played the Cha Cha Slide again.
I spotted a new girl in the bar.
Well, I thought that she was new… but found out later that she had worked in Anna Jet before and used to return to work there again from time to time.
She was cute… not too small… a very sexy body and extra ordinary well-formed boobs.
It didn´t last long till PeterP introduced her to me.
Her name was M. and her English was great.
Now, so close to her, I realised that her almost perfect shaped boobs must have been the result of plastic surgery.
“Miss Silicone !” I thought “I hope the rest of you is female as well ! Not another Rishathra trap, please !”
As the night went on and the music and party mood at Anna Jet´s reached it´s highest peak, I asked MissSilicone if she would go with me, because I was seriously interested to see more of her boobs.
Of course she said “Yes !”
I asked Anna to put the bar fine on my bill, ordered some more drinks for us and went to the toilet, whilst MissSilicone went to her room to change her clothes.
Soon after I had entered the toilet room, I got caught by a girl´s hands and arms which embraced me, pulled me into one of the toilet cabins and closed the door behind us.
It was Nang Far !
“What are you doing R. ?” I asked.
“Call me little angel !” she said and looked at me with sad eyes “I want go with you again. How long you stay in Pattaya ?”
“Just a few more days !” I answered “What about your boyfriend ?”
“Customer !” she said “He is waiting for me. I go with him again. But he goes home day after tomorrow… early in the morning. He paid me good !”
“So, what do you want of me now ?” I asked.
“Speak with you !” Nang Far said “I not forget you and want go with you again !”
“I have just bar fined M. !” I said.
“Up to you !” Nang Far said with a resolute voice. But I saw tears in her eyes.
“Please promise that you´ll come for your little angel again, before you fly home !” she sobbed “I´m not crazy lady. I just want… want… I want… !”
I embraced her and held her tight, so that she could hide her crying eyes on my shoulder, even nobody else could see us in that cabin.
“It´s o.k., little angel !” I said “I´ll come for you, day after tomorrow !”
Nang Far stepped backwards away from me and I realised that she wanted me to release her.
“Okay !” she said and wiped the tears out of her eyes “My boss will be angry me, because I do this here. I must go, now ! Take care ! Remember… Come for your little angel, day after tomorrow !”
“Day after tomorrow !” I said and nodded.
“Holy smoke !” I thought “I´m absolutely unable to handle this boyfriend-girlfriend situation. If something like this would happen to me at the begin of my holidays, I would run for the hills !”
I returned to my seat at the counter.
MissSilicone was back and showed me a killing smile.
But she might have realised that something was wrong.
“You okay ?” she asked “Why you look sad ?”
I watched Nang Far and her customer leaving the bar…
I looked at M.
“Sad ? Me ?” I asked “Noooo… ! Never ! Come on !”
She came very close to me, lifted her leg and climbed onto my lap to sit in a rider´s position, face to face with me… her hands on my shoulders.
She began to ride me in the rhythm of the music.
“I don´t think that this chair can stand this for long !” I heard PeterP´s voice beside me “We have rooms upstairs, Mike !”
“Yo… M. ! Stop it !” I said “Let´s finish our drinks and then let´s go to my hotel. In my room you can do with me whatever you want ! Would you… please !?”




RAIN, BEER AND SAUCE
“There goes MissSilicone !” I thought whilst I watched M. leaving the entrance hall of Flipper House.
The memory of the night I had together with her till 10:30 this morning was still fresh and brought a smile into my face.
A typical Pattaya tourist´s smile, that probably wouldn´t vanish anymore, unless one tries to remove it by surgery.
I stood up from my chair and went to the counter of the coffee shop to pay for our breakfast.
After that I had a look outside.
Dark clouds were in the sky and I didn´t need to watch any weather forecast program in TV to know that heavy rainfalls would come soon.
I decided to give MissOnline´s shop a visit, to check my mails and to post my reports to the board.
But the internet café was closed.
I remembered that MissOnline was pregnant and that her shop had been closed by afternoon time on the day before already.
I went outside to walk down Beach Road, to look around in the souvenir shops and to find another internet café.
Right on time, before a heavy downpoor set in, I went into an internet café that was located in a building somewhere half the way to Walking Street.
I stayed in there for almost one and a half hour, replying e-mails, posting on the forums and viewing Fussychunk´s and Yogi´s captioned AJ photos which gave me a good laugh.
Later I walked down to Walking Street… had a look around in some shops again and had my lunch in an Indian restaurant.
Around 2:30pm I walked all the way back to Soi 7.
At the entrance of a 7Eleven store near the corner Beach Road/Soi 7 I almost collided with a girl who came out of the store.
“Wow ! Sorry !” I said and wanted to move on.
But the girl grabbed my arm.
“Mike !” she said “Do you know your ladies by night time only ?”
I turned around.
Of course, I knew the girl.
It was PL. from Party Bar… my beloved little MissInsomnia with the sexy boots.
“Hi PL. !” I said “I´m sorry ! I guess, I was just a little bit lost in my thoughts !”
MissInsomnia giggled.
“What thoughts, Mike ?” she asked “Do you still miss your ladyboy ?”
“Aaaargh !” I said and laughed “You are still amused of this little episode, eh !? Come on… Let´s go somewhere. I´ll buy you a drink !”
“Hmmm… Would be great !” she answered “But complicated, because I have a friend waiting for me… overthere !”
She looked to the other side of Beach Road.
On one of those seats under a palm tree sat another Party Bar girl and smiled to us.
“What are you both up to on this cloudy afternoon ?” I asked.
“I bought something to drink !” PL. said and showed me what she had in her plastic bag: Four cans of Heineken beer.
“Wow !” I said “So, that´s what bar girls do in the afternoon !”
“Not every day !” she said and smiled “Sometimes we sleep loooong time ! You know that, eh !?”
“Especially when you are in a Farang´s hotel room !” I said and nodded with my head.
PL. giggled.
“You want to join us ?” she asked and held one of the cans right under my nose.
“Hmmm… yes !” I said “Why not !?”
We crossed the road.
“Hi !” I said to the other girl.
“Hi Mike !” she said, and I was very surprised that she knew my name.
We sat down and PL. handed a beer to each one of us.
Like a good chap, I waited till the two girls had opened their cans and PL. said “Choke Dee Kha !”
In the first few minutes the girls chatted in Thai only, and I kept quiet… not only because I was a good chap, but also because I didn´t understand Thai anyway.
But then, PL. stood up from her place beside the other girl and sat down to my right, so that I was sitting in the middle… between the two girls now.
“Lucky bastard !” a young Farang ( probably an island monkey ) said as he passed by our place.
The girls laughed.
“Hey Mike !” PL. said “Do you know why we sit here by afternoon time, drinking beer ?”
“Maybe you have to celebrate something ?” I guessed.
“Not really !” she answered “But yes ! Yesterday we got much money, because we started working in Party Bar earlier. Many many Farangs from Australia came to our bar. We got a lot of tips and the bar got much bar fine money !”
I remembered what SamSongTom had said on the phone about the Aussie invasion.
“I can imagine that !” I said “Are you happy ?”
“Hmmm… yes !” the other girl said “But not easy to work so long. Some Fallang crazy… some good. Me tired too much !”
“Tired of work, not tired because we need sleep !” PL. explained “Work is easier for us when we relax in the afternoon and drink beer, like Farang ladies do !”
“Oh yes !” I said “Does that mean that you can stand all this only when you are drunk ?”
“Not mao mao too much !” the other girl said “Me no want… too much mao !”
“Just happy !” PL. said “You know Mike ? Same same you and your friends Yogi and Tommy. You were always good… not too drunk… just happy and funny !”
“Thank you !” I said and smiled “I sometimes thought that we had been too crazy already !”
“One more beer for you, Mike ?” she asked and opened the plastic bag.
“Hmmm… yes !” I said “I´ll buy you some new beers in 7Eleven !”
“No !” both girls said in the same time.
“We have money !” PL. said “And we always share what we buy with our friends. You are our friend, Mike. You are not our customer now !”
“Well… !” I said and took another can out of the bag “I will behave like a friend and will sit straight between you two, without touching you !”
PL. put her arm around my shoulders.
“Of course you can touch me any time you want !” she said.
“Me too !” the other girl said, came a little bit closer to me and took my hand.
“Oh wow !” I said “What if I ask you both to come with me to my room, right now ?”
“We can not !” PL. said “We have promised our boss that we would start dancing in the bar at 5:00 o´clock this afternoon !”
I glanced at my watch.
It was 3:45pm already.
There was still time. But I decided not to force my luck.
“What about Tommy´s lady, Jt. ?” I asked “Will she dance tonight too ?”
“No !” PL. said “She is bar fined for long time by one of the Aussies. She will not return to Party Bar before Songkran !”
“What about you two ?” I asked “Haven´t you found a long time customer for yourself among all those Aussies ?”
“Maybe tonight… for me !” the other girl said and smiled.
“Not for me !” PL. said “I would go with one of them for short-time or for one night. But I can´t stay with him for a few days or so, because I must return to Bangkok two times in a week to see my family !”
“I understand !” I said “I think I´ll come to Party Bar tonight, to see you both dancing. But I fear that you both will be bar fined already when I come there !”
“Hmmm… I will wait for you till 9:00 o´clock !” PL. said “But when you come, you must bar fine me !”
“Okay !” I said “But you´ll not going to be angry with me in case I don´t come !”
“No !” PL. answered “You are my friend. I know you have many ladies, also in Anna Jet !”
I looked down to my feet and said nothing.
“Hey, it´s okay, Mike !” the other girl said “You have holidays. Relax… Have fun ! No pompem for us !”
“Right !” PL. said and massaged my neck “If you want to go with the ladyboy again… no problem for me !”
I rised my head in an instant.
“What ?” I said loud and the girls laughed.
My phone played a notification sound.
The SMS in my inbox had been sent from an unknown Thai number.
I checked the text:

HI MIKE.
IT´S ME… SAUCE.
I HAVE A NEW PHONE NUMBER.
WILL COME TO AUSSIE BAR AT 6:00PM.
FANCY A BEER ?

“Lady sent message to you ?” the other Party Bar girl asked.
“No !” I answered “It´s not from a lady !”
“I knew it !” PL. said and giggled “I guess it´s the Kathoey !”
“No, no !” I said “It´s another Farang from England. Like Yogi !”
“Do they have Kathoeys in Yogi´s country ?” PL. asked.
“How can I ever get my good reputation back ?” I asked “Seems to me that I´m now well known as a Kathoey-lover here in Pattaya !” I said and laughed “Thanks to you, PL. !”
“Mike !” PL. said “If you bar fine me tonight… I have a wish !”
“Yes… !?” I said while I typed my reply to Sauce already.
“If you come early, I want go to Anna Jet with you !” she said.
“Why ?” I asked.
“I like the bar !” she said “And I know the boss ! Anna and PeterP… they are very good people !”
“Well, let´s see how things go tonight !” I said and pushed the send-button on my phone:

I´LL BE THERE, PROBABLY A FEW MINUTES
EARLIER.
GIVE ME A CALL AS SOON AS YOU ARRIVE,
SO THAT I CAN IDENTIFY YOU.
-MIKE

“Wow !” I thought whilst I walked up Soi 7 towards Flipper House “Some bar girls bought me drinks !”
I wondered if the two Party Bar girls did so, because of true friendship or because of their intention to jolly a customer along.
After one hour of sleep, I went outside again and sat down in Aussie Bar around 5:30pm.
I chatted with Yo. and with FiveBaht´s T.luck… Later with an American guy from California who staid in Flipper House as well.
At 6:00pm I received another SMS from Sauce:

I´M AT AUSSIE BAR NOW.
LOOK FOR A GUY IN A BROWN SHIRT !

I looked around.
The bar was overcrowded already, even it was still early evening time.
Diagonally right, opposite of me, sat a young man with a brown shirt, who looked like he had just arrived and was waiting for his beer now.
I wasn´t sure at all, if it was Sauce or not.
So, I used the worst invention ever made again to ring him.
The guy picked up his phone, and I hanged up.
“Sauce !” I shouted over the counter “Overhere ! It´s me, Mike… MekongMike !”
The man looked at me and smiled.
He took his beer bottle and came over to me.
“Nice to meet you, Mike !” he said “I was looking forward to meet together with you in real life… after all you have done for UKBKK !”
“Thanks !” I said “But I must confess that the name of Sauce was new for me when you sent a PM to me, a few days before I travelled overhere !”
“Yeah, I´m not a frequent poster on UKBKK !” he said “I wish I would be one. But lack of time and being too busy with work every day makes it impossible to me to log in frequently. It´s the best Thai related board in the web… and your blog is just great !”
“I have tried to get you on the phone many times, since Sharkbait had informed me that you are in town !” I said “But I didn´t know that you have changed your Thai number !”
“Even Sharkbait didn´t know that !” Sauce said “A few days ago I had to buy a new SIM and a new phone, because I have lost my phone on a night out !”
“You lost it ?” I asked.
“Actually I don´t know if I have just lost it or if it has been stolen by somebody, when I left it on a bar´s counter in Simon Complex !” he said “I have learned my lesson and will never put it on a table again while I have a beer !”
“Learning by doing… eh !?” I asked.
“Yup !” Sauce said and laughed “Sometimes shit happens !”
For the next one and a half hour we talked a lot about UKBKK, about Thailand and about our real lives back home.
“I really like to read your posts and comments on UKBKK !” Sauce said “And your blog is just great !”
“Nah, it´s nothing !” I answered “The blog and my posts are just the side effects of my lifelong learning curve in using the English language !”
“Well, that´s the part I meant !” Sauce said “English is not your mother tongue… But you have a great command of English now. But I understand that it might be difficult for you to express your thoughts in English. I guess it would still be easier for you to write in German !”
“It´s a challenge !” I said “And I love it ! It helps me to keep up with English during the long periods of time every year I stay in Germany, where I have no use for your language in daily life !”
“Nevertheless, your style of writing is just great !” Sauce said “You are probably one of the first bloggers in the web, who used a blog page to publish a novelization. And you use the English language, which is not your mother tongue. That´s just amazing !”
“But English is the number one language in the world !” I said “Everybody in the world should know some basic English at least !”
“And we Brits are the most lazy people in the world, because anywhere we go we can use our mother tongue !” Sauce said.
“You are just lucky !” I answered “Nothing to complain about that from my side. But some French people are worse. I met only two or three in my life who knew English. Most of the others don´t even try it !”
“But what I primarily wanted to say is, that you show us Brits how things should go in the web to make it a better source of information and entertainment !” Sauce said “No Brit or other English native speaker has ever tried something like this ! But you, a German did… and you did well !”
“Nah… don´t think like this !” I said “I was always one of the best in written and verbal expression when I was in school, at least in German lessons. I always loved it to play around with words and phrases. The fact that I have to associate with many different people at the sports facilities where I work, has also taught me in some rhetoric stuff… which turned me into a very quick-witted and eloquent person. But I really don´t want to show off with all this. I´m good in writing and speaking… That´s all ! I was always bad in mathematics when I was in school. That´s why I sometimes work as a cashier now !”
Sauce laughed.
“What´s your plan for tonight ?” I asked “Walking Street again ?”
“I´m not sure about that at the moment !” Sauce answered “I´ll go outside again tonight. But I don´t know for how long, because I travel to Bangkok again tomorrow. I´m going to stay in the capital for a few more days before I travel home. What about you ?”
“I´ll go to Party Bar around 9:00pm to pick up one of my T.lucks from there !” I said “For some reasons she wants to visit Anna Jet together with me. Will see how it goes. I have already reached the point of my holidays from where I slow down a little bit… with everything !”
“I understand !” Sauce said “I´m looking forward to meet you again. Maybe we´ll get another chance tonight !”
“Just look for me in Party Bar, Soi 8 !” I said “Maybe, after 10:00 or 11:00 o´clock you can probably find me at Anna Jet´s !”

After I had said goodbye to Sauce in front of Aussie Bar, I went back to my room to get ready for the night.
I had my dinner in the hotel restaurant… and around 8:45pm I was on my way to Soi 8.




THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
I was surprised to see that Party Bar was as dead quiet as the other bars all around.
Everywhere in Pattaya the absence of many tourists had been drastic.
The global financial crisis and the still insecure political situation in Thailand was holding most people back from travelling to the land of smiles.
But in that night I just wondered where the Insomnia Aussie invasion was.
PL. and two other girls were dancing at the window… five Farangs and their T.lucks sat at the counter.
The DJ didn´t turn the music too loud… which was o.k. for me.
PL. sat down beside me and I bought her a drink.
“Can I go with you tonight ?” she asked after a while.
“Yes !” I said “And we can visit Anna Jet if you still want. But not too early !”
“Okay !” she said “Where have you been after our little drinking party in the afternoon ?”
“Back to my room !” I answered “Slept one hour and later I met up with an Englishman in Aussie Bar, opposite of Flipper House !”
“You haven´t met the ladyboy again ?” PL. asked and giggled.
I tickled her and she laughed out loud.
“No Rishathra for me anymore !” I said, more to myself “Never again !”
“Rish… what ?” PL. asked.
“Ah… forget it !” I said “I sometimes mix my English up with parts of German words !”
“Rish… Risha !” she said “Sounds like Indian language for me !”
I laughed.
“Clever girl !” I thought, because the word Rishathra really sounded like it had it´s roots in the ancient Sanskrit language.
“Forget it PL., it´s just bollox !” I said.
“Boll… what ?” she asked “You speak strange words tonight ! I will never give you beer again, by afternoon time !”
I looked into her eyes and she tried to stand it, with a serious face expression… till we both exploded in laughter.
“What´s going on here, Mike ?” I heard a male voice behind me.
I turned around and saw AN., one of the bosses of the Insomnia Bars.
“Hi !” I said “Party Bar is quiet tonight. I expected some more people here !”
“Well, we had them all here !” AN. said and smiled “Last night and earlier tonight. Some blokes from my homeland, Australia. Tonight they came here for a start up only. They are checking out Walking Street now, together with my partners. I´ll propably meet up with them again in Club Insomnia tonight. What are you up to tonight, Mike ?”
“Well, I have come here to abduct one of your best girls again !” I answered and took PL.´s hand “How could I resist !?”
“Good choice, mate !” he said “She really is one of the best we ever had. Too bad that she wants to leave us soon !”
“What ?” I asked “This is bad news !”
“I go home after Songkran !” PL. said “And I must go to Bangkok again tomorrow and must stay there till Sunday evening. When the water festival is over I´ll go back to my village… Don´t know if I work here again or not !”
“So, looks like this is our last night out together !” I said “I can´t stay for Songkran, because I have to travel home on coming Monday !”

“Why the hell, MissInsomnia wants to go to Anna Jet ?” I thought while we walked up Soi 7 “Does she wants to outdo my AJ T.lucks ?”
I wasn´t worried at all.
I was just amused and willing to look foreward to the funny and interesting things that might come to happen.
“It´s all part of the game !”
Anna Jet was dead quiet, like all the bars in Soi 7 and Soi 8 were in that night.
“Hi Pete !” I said as we arrived in the bar “What´s going on here ? Looks like Pattaya is sleeping tonight !”
“Yes !” PeterP answered “Must have been a wave of tourist departures today. Another quiet night at AJ´s… eh !?”
We sat down near the entrance and PeterP stayed with us.
None of my this year´s AJ T.lucks was in the bar, and there was only one of my last year´s T.lucks.
She showed me a smile, before she continued to canoodle with another customer.
“Welcome back to Anna Jet, PL. !” PeterP said “Looks like this old Kraut here has fallen for you !”
PL. giggled.
“Everytime he can´t find a ladyboy, Mike comes to me !” she said.
“Aaaargh… Mike !” PeterP said “Seems to me you´ve told it to everybody. Even Yogi has posted a little report of your adventure on the forum. Have you really enjoyed that experience so much ?”
“No !” I said and laughed.
“Are you proud of it ?” he asked.
“Yes !” I said “It´s forum gold, as KeenPunter said on UKBKK, after reading my own report !”
“Would you go for a Kathoey again ?” PeterP asked “Just to earn some more forum gold from your fellow board members ?”
“Noooo !” I shouted.

We stayed at Anna Jet till 1:00am, before we went back to my room.
What followed was more than sex !
It was like a farewell party with PL. in my bed, because we both knew that we wouldn´t see each other again so soon.
Even we both hadn´t had much sleep in that night, PL. was up again at 9:00am, sitting at the foot of my bed and watching TV, while I slowly woke up.
I sat up and glanced at her back.
She was dressed already and ready to go.
But the movie in TV seemed to be very interesting for her:

Two army helicopters crashed into the snow covered landscape of Scotland, because their fuel got quick-frozen by some sort of unnatural onset of winter, caused by a sudden climate change and a worldwide ice age.
The only survivor, the pilot of one of the helicopters, tried to climb out of the cockpit and… got quick-frozen as well, soon after he crawled outside.

PL. shivered when the picture showed the frozen body of the pilot.
“I know this movie !” I said “It´s The Day After Tomorrow !”
“Hmmm… yes !” PL. said and turned around to kiss me.
Now, as I was awake, the movie didn´t seem to be of any interest for her anymore.
“I was waiting for you to wake up !” PL. said “But I don´t have much time. I must go back to my room to take my travelling bag. I go to Bangkok today !”
“Yes, I remember !” I said “We don´t see again this year ! But we can keep in touch !?”
“Yes !” she answered “I will send you an e-mail soon ! Will I ever see you again, Mike ?”
“Maybe next year !” I said “I´ll try to come back here for Songkran, next year !”
“Happy Songkran to you this year !” PL. said “Think of me when you do something with water in Germany. Imagine me playing with water in Soi 8, even when you are far away from here !”
“I will do that, T.luck !” I said “I promise !”
( Almost two weeks later, on 13th April 2009, I confused one of my work mates by shouting “Happy Songkran, my dear PL. !” while I turned the wheel of the water supply valve open. More than 20 000 cubic metres of water to fill the pool and the filtration chambers… A filling process that would last the first two days and nights of Songkran. All the luck in the world for my little MissInsomnia !)

PL. had insisted to say goodbye on my doorstep, instead of having a breakfast with me in the restaurant.
I closed the door behind her and listened to her steps whilst she walked down the corridor to the stairway.
Another loud noise from the construction site pulled me back into reality.
I turned around and went back to the bed.
The TV was set to “mute”.
But the movie was still running.
“The Day After Tomorrow !” I said to myself “The title reminds me of something !”
“Remember… Come for your little angel, day after tomorrow !” I sensed Nang Far´s voice in my mind.

“And the skies are crying !” I thought when I had a look outside, while I sat in the restaurant of Flipper House.
A thunderstorm came over Pattaya and so, I decided to stay in the lobby to read a newspaper.
Later, as the heavy rainfalls stopped, I went outside and walked down Beach Road.
I sat down in the internet café and logged in to UKBKK.
But I was unable to write any report.
For some reasons, I was full of self-doubts and got the feeling that something was going wrong.
It was probably another Butterfly Effect, that sets in after enjoying the nightlife in Pattaya for too long.
I simply had enough from everything and I was ready to travel home.
But I knew that I would regret those thoughts as soon as I would be on my flight to Germany.
I wished that I could start up new again… like on my first day after arrival.
Why there wasn´t any reset-button for holidays ?

“You don´t need to keep your promise !” I heard TommyDevil´s voice in my left ear “Don´t go to Anna Jet tonight and don´t bar fine Nang Far, if you don´t want !”
“But I want !” I answered “I´m just not sure if I would do right or not by bar fining her. What if she really loves me ?”
“Bah… bollox !” TommyDevil said “She will play the same game with her next customer, whilst you wait for boarding time at the swamp already !”
“Who knows ?” BernyAngel said on my right side.
“Oh… what do you want, winged fool ?” TommyDevil said “You better go away, quickly !”
“At least… for your own peace of mind, Mike… you should keep your promise !” BernyAngel said “You would regret it for the rest of this year, if you don´t go for her, tonight !”
“Peace of mind… Keep a promise !” TommyDevil said with a deprecative voice “All this is worthless here in Pattaya !”
“We will see !” BernyAngel said.
“Yes, we will see !” I said “And now, leave me alone… both of you !

It was one of those days:
The weather was bad and there was nothing else to do, beside hanging around in the bars by afternoon time.
I made it back to Mickey´s Bar.
But Kennyboy and Fred were not there.
I asked one of the other Brits and got the information, that Kennyboy would fly home on the next day and that he wanted to meet up with Fred at Anna Jet´s in the coming night.
Around 4:30pm I sat down in Aussie Bar and chatted with the Californian guy and a toothless Australian bloke, who both had their rooms in Flipper House as well.
Much later, around 7:00pm I decided to have my dinner in Sailor Restaurant again and walked faster as I passed by a specific bar in Soi 8, as I saw the ladyboy in there.

After I had my last two beers for the night in Happiness Stars in Soi 7, it was time for me to switch over to MekongCoke.
I walked up the Soi and arrived at Anna Jet around 9:30pm.
Kennyboy and Fred were already there.
But I spotted one more familiar face in the bar.
“Ringo !” I shouted to a Farang who sat together with his T.luck.
The guy and his lady looked at me.
“Mike !” they both shouted and came over to me.
Ringo gave me a bear hug.
“Hey Mike !” he said “This encounter here isn´t so unexpected for me. I´ve just said to my girlfriend that it wouldn´t surprise me to meet some people tonight who always use to come here for Songkran every year !”
I put my arm around Ringo´s girlfriend´s shoulders.
“You are still together with this guy ?” I asked “And you are still just girlfriend ? What about marriage ?”
“We are planning to get married !” she said “I´m happy !”
“I´ll definitely going to marry this girl !” Ringo said “What about you, Mike ? No lady here for you ?”
“I´m not sure about anything !” I said, while I saw Nang Far walking towards me.
“Well, I guess we are going to have all the fun in the world again, next week !” Ringo said “It was always good to meet you here, during Songkran !”
“So, the greatest Songkran warriors are re-united !” Ringo´s girlfriend said, while I embraced Nang Far.
“I´m happy you come back for me, Mike !” Nang Far said and snuggled up to my body “I knew you would come… as you have promised !”
“It´s o.k., little angel !” I said “Just say Hello to my friends !”
“You are full of surprises Master Mekong !” Fred said “Your Doctor B. overthere doesn´t even shows any sign of jealousy ! Hmmm… I must ask Pete if they are practicing some sort of Farang sharing here !”
“They all do !” I said “In some other bars you just have to remind them !”
Kennyboy laughed.
“Aye, Mike !” he said “I wish I could stay a little bit longer to check things out !”
“You have to go home tomorrow !” Fred said to Kennyboy, with a serious sound in his voice “Just get your health condition sorted before you even think of coming back to Pattaya !”
“Hey Ringo !” I said “Actually I´m not going to stay here over Songkran. I have arrived here almost four weeks ago… and I have to fly home on coming Monday !”
“What ?” Ringo asked “Why is that ?”
“It´s because of work !” I said “I had to take my holidays earlier than in the years before. So, no Songkran for me this year !”
“Yes ! And the municipality of Pattaya has already discussed if they should cancel the water festival, because this is the first time in many years that MekongMike is not here in the Songkran week !” I heard PeterP behind me “But the mayor has changed his mind, soon after it became public that Ringo is back in town !”
I turned around.
“Hi Pete !” I said “I must confess, that now after I met Ringo here, I regret that I couldn´t come here a few weeks later to join the Songkran madness again. Maybe next year !”
“Apologies accepted, Mike !” PeterP said “You are always welcome here… any time in the year !”
He looked at Nang Far, who still held me in her embrace.
“Looks like R. is more than happy that you are here with us now !” he said “It doesn´t looks like she will ever let you go !”
“Yeah !” I said “It´s getting hot. She is a little volcano. I´ll buy her a drink, hopefully that she will release me and allow me to breath again !”
Nang Far giggled.
“No !” she said “I not let you go ! I love you too much !”
“Don´t say this !” I said and caressed her cute face “Let´s have a drink together !”
As time passed by, our night at Anna Jet´s turned into a real party.
Once again we watched PeterP dancing… Ringo and his lady got standing ovations after they danced on the pole together… Fred went outside to buy some hamburgers for us all… Kennyboy watched the scenes with a happy face expression, but with sad eyes… I don´t remember what I did beside drinking and canoodleing with Nang Far.
Another unexpected encounter was one of the highlights in this party night:
The former DJ of Anna Jet came into the bar !
He went straight to PeterP to shake his hand and so he did not see me, sitting together with Ringo and the others.
I shouted the nickname I had once given to him when I had noticed his love to the 100Piper´s Whiskey, many years ago:
“PiperJoe !”
DJ Joe looked at me and his eyes widened.
“MekongMike !” he said and came over to me “My brother… !”
He told me that he was working as a DJ in Soi 2 now, but used to visit Anna Jet at least one time in a month.
Our night out together ended at 1:30am, as Kennyboy and Fred said goodbye to us.
“Hey Kenny !” I said “Never give up ! Never surrender ! But make sure that you´ll recover completely. Let´s keep in touch on the AJ forum and beyond !”
“Aye !” Kennyboy said “It was good to meet you here. Also Yogi, Fred, Anna and Pete. I will definitely keep in touch with all of you. Friendship lasts forever !”
“Aye !” I said “Have a pleasant flight home !”
“Thank you… khrrrup !” Kennyboy said “All the best, buddy !”
He gave me a hug, released me after a few seconds and turned around quickly.
Fred was waiting for him on the street.
Kennyboy walked with rapid steps out of the bar, without looking back.
“There goes Kennyboy !” PeterP said “I guess he had bad holidays this time !”
“He´ll be fully recovered soon !” I answered “But I understand why he is leaving the bar so quickly without looking back. Life wasn´t easy for him in the past two weeks… after all he went through. I wish him all the best !”
“Aye !” PeterP said.





KING KONG IN THE MORNING
“I go to Rayong tomorrow morning !” Nang Far said when we were back in my room “So, I must go back to my room early… around 9:00 o´clock. But you can come with me if you want !”
“To Rayong ?” I asked “What are you going to do overthere ?”
“I go temple !” she said “You remember… I show you pictures some time ago. You want to see Rayong temple… You can go with me tomorrow, by mini bus !”
I thought about her offer for a moment.
But made the decision that I would do wrong by going with her on this trip, because I didn´t want to play the girlfriend-boyfriend game with any girl in Thailand.
Even if Nang Far might has been the one in a million, it would not make any difference.
I had to fly home soon and I probably wouldn´t come back to Thailand again for a long time.
Real life back home wouldn´t allow me to make a difference and to keep up with a relationship over the miles.
Going on travel together with her could be like giving her a promise.
I wasn´t willing to give such a promise, because I didn´t want to hurt her with my inability to keep my promises when I´m back home.
“Thailand is for holidays… Real life is back home !” I thought.
“No, little angel !” I said “I can´t go with you !”
“Why not ?” Nang Far asked “It would make me happy !”
“I know !” I answered “But I can not. Please understand !”
“Up to you !” she said and smiled “But I don´t understand why you don´t want. You have time… You have holidays ! And I know that you like Buddha !”
“Yes ! But in my own way !” I said “I also have friends here I wish to meet on my last three days in Pattaya !”
“I think you run away from everything !” Nang Far said “From your past… from yourself. You don´t allow that lady or Buddha touch your heart. I can see in your eyes that you are broken heart man !”
“Of course I am ! But it doesn´t hurts anymore !” I said “I´m 40 years old already and had my experiences in the past… good and bad… it doesn´t matters, because it turned me into that what I am now… which isn´t so bad at all !”
“No true love for you in future ?” she asked.
“I don´t know !” I said “But it´s o.k. for me. You must understand that I came to Thailand for holidays only… Not to change my life !”
“But other Farangs found love here !” Nang Far said.
“I´m not the others !” I said while Nang Far came closer to me “A holiday in Thailand for one time in a year is not long enough to make a decision for the rest of a life !”
“You are better than the others !” she said and looked into my eyes.
The tip of her nose touched mine and her hands carefully removed my eye glasses.
“No, I´m not better !” I said.
“That´s why you can do the same !” she whispered.
“No !” I said.
“But yes !” Nang Far said “I´m your little angel !”
“Yes you are !” I said and kissed her.
Her impassioned and overwhelming response made us both fall backwards onto my bed.

Nang Far was up already at 7:30 on the next morning.
But I insisted on staying in bed.
I was on holidays, wasn´t I ?
Finally, the little angel had accepted my decision that I would not go with her to Rayong.
But I allowed her to stay in my room till she had to go to get ready for the trip.
Now, she sat on the foot of my bed and zapped through the TV channels.
A roaring sound from the loudspeaker woke me up completely and so I sat up in the bed to have look what program Nang Far had chosen.

A giant gorilla rumbled through the streets of New York City in the 1930ties, tossing cars and traffic signs around like toys, till he finally calmed down as he spotted the blonde girl he loved.

“King Kong !” I said “Looks like you always switch on the TV set right in the moment they play a Peter Jackson movie. Three weeks ago Lord Of The Rings and now this !”
“I know King Kong !” Nang Far said “But I never see this movie !”
“King Kong… !” I thought “The old black-and-white film of the 1930ties is a classic… probably one of the first fantasy films of the`Lost World´genre ever. The remakes that followed were all crap, especially the Japanese versions. But this Peter Jackson movie is just great, especially the scenes located on King Kong´s island !”
I remembered the novel The Lost World, written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, which I had read when I was a teenager.
The whole King Kong myth was based on this book.
I always hated the part in which a prehistoric monster rumbled through a city… only to get killed by us.
Too bad that there has never been any acceptable movie based on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle´s book.
But Peter Jackson did a great job with this King Kong remake.
He had followed the original script and so, the story of the film was located on Skull Island most of the time.
“Skull Island !” I thought “The island of the prehistoric monsters !”
Jackson´s interpretation of the horrible coast, with all he ancient ruins and statues, had convinced me that the director really had his roots in the horror genre… and that he would be the best creative mind behind a film adaptation of a H.P.Lovecraft novel… such as The Call Of Cthulhu or At The Mountains Of Madness.
“Poor King Kong !” Nang Far said after King Kong had fallen from the Empire State Building at the end of the movie.
She turned around to me and kissed me.
“You and me same same King Kong and lady !” she said and giggled.
“What ?” I asked.
“King Kong big monkey… same same you !” she said “Takes care of small lady… same same me !”
“Actually the small lady has to take care of me !” I said and laughed “Do you really think that I look like King Kong ?”
“Hmmm… !” Nang Far said and looked to the ceiling “Yes !”
I caught her and tickled her.
“King Kong, King Kong, King Kong !” she shouted and laughed “KingKongMike… I love you too much !”




I AM LEGEND
After a few lazy hours at Jomtien Beach, I returned to Soi 7 and sat down at the counter of Aussie Bar.
While I had my first San Miguel, I thought about Nang Far.
I couldn´t get rid of the feeling that there was more between us as a temporary Farang-bar girl relationship.
But as longer I thought about it, I got more and more the feeling that it wouldn´t make any difference.
I was convinced that I would do better by keeping my distance from her.
Declining her offer to go with her to Rayong was only the first step…
Sooner or later I had to talk with her… to inform her that I was a butterfly and that she shouldn´t wait for me.
I asked myself why I was thinking so much about all this.
My holidays were as good as over anyway… and with regards to the fact that it was impossible to return to Thailand again in the same year, things would settle itself whilst time would pass by.
“She will forget me, because she works in a bar !” I thought “They all will start to forget me as soon as I´m gone ! There are enough other customers for them… And in one year from now, things will be different and will start up new. It´s everytime the same: We Farangs are going to be history soon after we´ve left Pattaya. Maybe some girls will remember those of us who used to treat them well or gave them lot´s of extra money. In those cases they will look foreward to meet us again and to keep in touch with us. But this has nothing to do with love. It´s simple… First we are history, something they remember. Later we become myth, almost forgotten. Or legend… not really forgotten, but also not worth to wait for, because we are too complicated and know too much of how things go in the bar scene. I am legend already ! Master Yogi was right… MekongMike – the legend !”
I chuckled about my own silly thoughts and made the decision to add the same Asian ending to Yogi´s and Kennyboy´s names like I did to Tommy´s name:

Yogisan and Kennysan

After dinner I went to Party Bar… and this time the Aussie invasion took place there.
The bar was overcrowded as hell.
Nevertheless I found a free seat at the counter and ordered my first MekongCoke.
Jt., SamSongTom´s T.luck was there, but not working.
She was together with a mature Aussie guy, who probably was the one who had bar fined her for the rest of his holidays.
She saw me sitting at the counter and came over to me.
“Hi Mike !” she said “How are you ?”
“Fine !” I said “Greetings from Tommy ! He wants me to buy you a drink !”
“Khop Khun Kha !” she said “But I must sit with my customer. You understand ?”
“Yes !” I said and smiled “No problem !”
“Please say Hello to Tommy from me !” she said “I miss him !”
“I´ll do that !” I answered “Maybe I´ll call him tomorrow !”
Jt. showed me a happy smile.
“PL. is not here !” she said “Sorry Mike ! She went to Bangkok yesterday and will not come back here before Sunday night !”
“I know !” I said “I have already said goodbye to her. I´ll be on my way back home when she works here again on coming Monday !”
“Oh !” Jt. said “Holidays over ? Will you come back here… together with Tommy ?”
“Yes !” I said “But we don´t know when !”
“No problem !” she answered “I will wait for him… and PL. will wait for you !”
“We are legends, Tommysan !” I thought and smiled to Jt.
Later I chatted with N3, who was my first T.luck on my November 2007 trip and who worked as a waitress in Party Bar now.
“Hey young lady !” I said “One drink for you ?”
“Khop Khun Kha !” she said, but looked at me with sad eyes “Don´t call me like this, Mike ! You know that I´m not that young anymore !”
“Hmmm… same age as me !” I said “Do you think that I´m an old man already ?”
“No !” she said and smiled.
“So, you are still a young lady !” I said “I still remember your 38th birthday party here in the bar, back in November 2007 !”
“Yes !” she said “You gave me 1000 Baht, after you have watched the other Farangs tacking only 20 and 50 Baht notes on my shirt ! And later in the same night you paid bar for me, for the second time on your holidays !”
“Do you want me to bar fine you again ? Tonight ?” I asked.
“No, I can not go with you !” she said “Sorry Mike ! I go home to my village tonight… soon after we have closed the bar !”
“No problem, N3 !” I said and smiled “Cheers and good luck to you, wherever you go in life !”

Around 10:30pm I walked straight up Soi 7 towards Anna Jet.
Doctor B. and some other AJ girls were shouting my name already and I knew full well that it looked like I would come into their bar.
I smiled to them… and then, in the last moment, I turned to the left and walked quickly into Mac´s Bar.
“Hi Mike !” Mac said and shook my hand “Looks like you made some of your T.lucks angry !”
I looked to the entrance of Anna Jet.
Doctor B. stood there with her hands in her hips and tried to show me an angry face.
But it was easy to see, that she wasn´t angry at all, but close to explode in laughter because of my little trick to fool them.
“Forgive me little sister !” I shouted.
“Sister ?” Mac asked.
“Ah… That´s a long story !” I said “May I sit here… outside on your little terrace ? Would be nice to watch the AJ scene from here !”
“Take your seat, Mike !” Mac said “I´ll join you for a drink !”
“Great !” I said.
B. flicked her hair nonchalantly and went into the bar.
“Oh, I love it when she is doing this !” I said and laughed.
I spent an hour or so in Mac´s Bar, drinking and chatting with Mac and with two of his friends, and watching the AJ scene on the other side of the lane.
(Almost three months later, when I was back home, I really enjoyed a few YouTube videos that had been uploaded by the board members Banksy sr and Banksy jr, which showed similar AJ scenes, filmed exactly from the point of view I had when I was overthere in one of my last few nights out in April 2009.)

I said goodbye to Mac, soon after I had spotted Ringo and his girlfriend in Anna Jet Bar.
They had just arrived and ordered their first drinks.
I had the intention to have one or two more drinks together with them, before I would return to my room and sleep alone.
But once again, destiny had other plans for me:
Around 0:30am I sat together with Ringo and his T.luck, when a mini bus stopped right at the entrance.
Even the windows of that bus were dark, I could see five or six girls with snow white dresses sitting inside.
One of the girls got off the bus and went straight into the bar.
Nang Far was back from Rayong… and once again she looked like a little angel, wearing this white dress.
“Hold your nerve, Mike !” Ringo said and smiled “Isn´t this little angel the girl that had been together with you last night ?”
Little angel…
“Yes !” I said “She was on a tour to a temple in Rayong !”
R. went over to Anna, who gave her a warm welcome.
She talked with her boss for a long while.
Finally she showed her a wai and came to our table.
“Hi, little angel !” I said “How was your day in Rayong ?”
“Beautyful !” Nang Far said and I could see in her eyes that she was beaming with joy “Next time you must come with me, King Kong. I prayed for you, because you travel home soon !”
“Thank you… Nang Far !” I said and caressed her cheek.
“King Kong ?” Ringo asked.
“Nang Far ? R. asked “You still remember angel in Thai ? Oh… you are good man, King Kong !”
“King Kong ?” Ringo asked again.
His girlfriend giggled.
I looked at Ringo.
“That´s a long story, mate !” I said “Just forget it… please !”
“King Kong !?” Ringo said again and laughed out loud.
Now everybody, even Nang Far, laughed.
I showed them a weak smile.
I had no problem with the name of King Kong.
But somehow it reminded me of what I really thought of fat Farangs who have tiny Thai girlfriends.
I could laugh about them, when I spotted them on the street.
But the first time I ever felt uncomfortable with all this, was when I bar fined MissCambodia, back in November 2007.
My November 2007 comp.time I spent in Pattaya, had been significant in many aspects for all of my trips that followed.
One of those aspects was about big men and tiny girls…
MissCambodia was even smaller as Nang Far… and I really felt like King Kong while I was together with her.
I was convinced that I would never go with such a tiny girl at home in Germany… But here in Thailand, my attitudes towards life seemed to fade away after some time.
And that was something that scared me as hell, even I knew that the girls had the right age.
“I come back, King Kong !” Nang Far said and went to the door to go up to her room “I have something for you !”
“Wow !” Ringo said “She has something for you ! I guess it´s a banana… eh !? What do you think, King Kong ?”
“Bugger !” I said and laughed “Bananas are for smaller monkeys… for island monkeys !”
Nang Far was back in an instant.
She held something in her closed hand.
“Open your hand !” she said to me and put something small onto my right hand´s palm.
I looked at it.
It was a small disc of white stone, almost 1.5 inches in diameter, artfully elaborated with some ancient Sanskrit letters and the hindu god of luck in the center.
“It´s an amulet !” Ringo said “What a nice present !”
“It shows Ganesha !” I said “The first born son of Hindu god Shiva. He has an elephant´s head !”
“Shreeganeshwara… yes !” Nang Far said “Bringer of luck and destroyer of problems. I give this to you, so you not forget me… like I not forget you. Put it somewhere in your home where you can see it every day. It will bring good luck for you !”
I understood that it was something special to receive such a present from a Thai woman and I was so embarrassed that it made me struggle to find the right words.
“Thank you… little angel !” I finally said “I don´t know what to say. No lady had ever given me something like this since… since… !”
“Yes ?” Nang Far said “Since when ?”
“Since… !” I said “Ah, that´s a long time ago. Come on little angel !”
I opened my arms and Nang Far snuggled up to me.
Suddenly I heard somebody behind me clapping his hands in a slow applause.
Clap… clap… clap !
I turned around and saw PeterP standing there, with a serious face like a priest.
“Hey Pete !” I said “How you do this ? You always materialize behind us, in the right moment to give us a funny comment !”
“I´m the boss here !” he said “I can do everything !”
“Amen !” I said and laughed.
“So, I guess it´s R. for you again, tonight !” PeterP said and smiled.
I looked at Nang Far.
She nodded with her head and kissed me.
I looked at PeterP.
“Yes boss !” I said and lifted my glass.




BUTTERFLY MAN
The heavy rainfalls outside were holding us back from getting off the bed early.
I didn´t feel like being in Thailand when I looked out of the window:
A dark grey sky, the ugly construction site right in front of my balcony and the rain that splashed on the balcony´s floor.
“German weather !” I thought, turned away from the sight and climbed back into my bed, to look at the only thing that reminded me of Thailand on that morning:
The little angel beside me in my bed.
Nang Far was still sleeping.
But somehow she seemed to react on all of my movements.
I turned around again to lie on my back.
Instantly her arm embraced me and pulled her body closer to me.
“King Kong !” she mumbled half asleep and snuggled up to my body.
“Yes angel !?” I said.
“Don´t leave me !” she whispered and held me tight.
“Nothing is simple anymore !” I thought “Damn, I like her so much ! But I have to talk with her as soon as she is awake !”

Almost two hours later, around 11:00am, I ordered our breakfast to my room.
Nang Far turned out to be very chatty while we ate.
Her main subject was about the temple in Rayong.
The part that was still confusing me was that her way of practicing Buddhism seemed to be more like worshipping Hindu gods.
But I just listened to her, because I was convinced that I had no right to critisize or discuss her way of belief.
One or two times I mentioned some old Hindu legends I knew and she seemed to be very surprised of my knowledge.
“I must not impress her too much !” I thought for myself “This affair is going too far already, with regards to the fact that I have to return to real life soon !”
Even Nang Far knew that I had bar fined her for one night only, she seemed to understand me as her new boyfriend.
She was planning my next holidays already… kept on talking about meeting together with me again and spending maximum time with me.
It made her happy to talk about all this… and I felt flattered.
But I knew that it would never come to happen.
It would turn into a rollercoaster ride without an end.
Something I could never stand when I´m back home.
Not in this life !
My reality was stronger than a Thai girl´s dreams.
I had to protect my little angel from drifting away in dreams and getting hurt by the merciless facts of my reality.
I didn´t want to see her crying.
But the only way to protect her was by leaving her and keeping my distance from her.
I just didn´t know how I could make this.
“Nothing is simple anymore !”
In the end, I hadn´t the heart to tell her what I really thought about us.
She left my room around 12:30pm with a happy smile in her face and a 1000 Baht note in her handbag.

A rainy day passed by.
A day, I barely made it down to the internet café without getting soaked.
It looked like the sky over Pattaya was practicing Songkran already.
I remember that I posted something on UKBKK about my doubts and about my opinion of fat Farangs and tiny Thai girlfriends, whilst I got the feeling that the mosquitos in the internet café were eating me alive.
I checked the weather forecasts for Pattaya and Bangkok.
It looked like the weather would get a little bit better… But not for long !
“Tropical thunderstorms on Monday… huh !” I thought and remembered my departure day of one year ago:
MisterToom´s driver had barely made it to bring us safe and on time to Bangkok, because the rainfall was like a grey curtain all around us.
Stormy winds and hail had forced him to drive very slowly.
I decided to e-mail MisterToom to book my taxi ride for an early time, even my flight to Frankfurt would take off at Suvarnabhumi at 11:00pm only.
MisterToom´s reply came half an hour later by SMS on my phone:

O.K. BOSS, I CAN DO THAT !
SEE YOU ON MONDAY, 4:30PM
AT FLIPPER HOUSE SOI 7.

By late afternoon time, I sat down in Aussie Bar and began a chat with one of the vendors, SamSongTom and I had given the nickname Mafioso, because he always tried to sell us dodgy watches.
I had just bought him a beer, when Tallguy popped up beside me.
“Hi Mike !” he said “Looks like your ladyboy experience has pulled you to the dark side !”
“What ?” I asked “Ah… you have read my Rishathra report !”
“Yes !” Tallguy said “The fact that you are buying a drink for a Thai man gives me something to think about !”
“Nah !” I said and laughed “Don´t worry ! The Mafioso here… I know him for two or three years now. I always buy him a drink, because I never bought any watches from him !”
Mafioso showed Tallguy a silly smile and opened his bag to show him some watches.
“You want ?” he asked.
“May Ow Khrup !” Tallguy said and shook his head.
“Hey Tallguy !” I said and looked at his backpack “Have you been on a trek ?”
“No !” Tallguy said and laughed “I had some Thai language lessons in the afternoon. My long stay here in Pattaya gives me enough time to visit a language school !”
“Great idea !” I said “I would do the same. But not as long as I come here for one time in a year and for three or four weeks only !”
“Your departure day comes soon !” he said “Holidays over for this year… eh !? But I´m going to stay here a little bit longer… till June !”
“Lucky man !” I said “But I must confess that four weeks is enough for me. By the way, you can meet up with Sharkbait again, after Songkran !”
“Yes !” Tallguy said “And Fussychunk, Montydog and KeenPunter will be around in May !”
“Too bad that I never made it to meet together with them !” I said “Monty and Fussy… they are two of the founding fathers of UKBKK. And KeenPunter is also a guy I really want to meet in person !”
“Some old hands of Thailand… eh !?” Tallguy asked.
“Yup !” I said “But I can´t complain any bad luck this time, because I have met some other old hands of Thailand here. Mart, S1xer, Sharkbait, Lpt, Johnsue, Sauce and you ! Not to forget the AJ members Yogi and Kenny !”
“Sounds like you had a great time here !” Tallguy said.
“Aye !” I said “Let´s have one more beer !”

Around 5:00pm I walked up Soi 7 to go to the money exchange booth on Second Road.
PeterP sat together with Anna and an Australian guy at the entrance of Anna Jet.
“Hi !” I said “Enjoy your coffee, Pete !”
“Tea !” PeterP said “I´m English !”
“Ah… yes !” I said and laughed “How stupid of me !”
“Never mind !” PeterP said “Come on… sit with us !”
“Hmmm… yes !” I said “I´ll be back in a minute !”
After I waited almost 15 minutes in the cueue of five or six Thai cuties who occupied the counter of the money exchange booth to turn their WesternUnion-FarangBuffalo-SponsorLetters into cash, I changed my 200 Euro note and went back to Anna Jet.
The bar was getting ready for the night and two girls were moving the seat arrangements away from the entrance and into the interior, to give the Doctor B. team some more space to dance and to allure customers.
PeterP, Anna and the Aussie guy were now sitting at the counter, near by Anna´s bell.
I joined them and ordered a Singha for me.
“No tea for me !” I said and smiled “This Singha here reminds me of the Bitburger Pils, we drink at my place in Germany. The founder of the brewery in Bitburg is well known as Dr. Simon. So, we use to call it Dr. Simon´s Tea or Bitburger Coffee, whenever we have one by daylight !”
Nang Far was in the bar and as soon as she spotted me sitting there at the counter, she came over to me and embraced me.
“Wow… little angel !” I said “How are you ?”
“I miss you so much !” she said “Can I sit with you ?”
“Yes !” I said “A drink for you ?”
What followed looked like a continuation of my time together with her in the morning.
Nang Far did everything to convince me that she really loved me.
“Hey Mike !” PeterP said as Nang Far released me for a moment to get drinks for us “Do you feel disturbed by this girl´s tenderness ? Let me know in case you feel uncomfortable with the situation now !”
“No… it´s okay !” I said “I like her ! And I want to speak with her anyway !”
Half an hour later, PeterP, Anna and the Aussie guy left the bar and I grabbed my chance to discuss the matter of my concerns with Nang Far.
“Little angel… !” I began and took her hands “I really like you ! But there is one thing I have to tell you ! I can´t be more than a customer for you, because I´m butterfly man !”
“Butterfly man !” I thought “That sounds like the guy in this super hero movie said: I´m Bat Man !”
Nang Far looked at me with sad eyes.
“I know !” she said “But I don´t understand why ! Would be nice if you would try other way !”
“Impossible !” I said “It´s not that I really want to be a butterfly all the time, flying from one girl to the next. But I can´t start a true relationship here !”
“Why not ?” she asked “You have lady in Germany ?”
“No !” I said “I just don´t want to hurt you. I can keep in touch with you when I´m back home. But I can never be more than a distant friend. I don´t know when I can come back to Thailand, because my life is not that easy. I would be a bad boyfriend, who can´t visit you and who can´t bring you to Germany. You better look for another man. Somebody who can give you more… Somebody who wouldn´t make you sad, like I and my life definitely would !”
“I understand !” Nang Far said and showed me a weak smile “I just tried ! But if you not want… Up to you !”

“Well, that´s it !” I thought when I was back in my room “It´s all up to me ! Like Buddha and SamSongTom had said: You only get what you create by yourself ! But I really don´t want to create a lie to get a lie and to live a lie !”
I sat down at my writing desk and wrote some notes about Nang Far into my small book with the handwritten drafts for MekongMike´s Thailand Tales.
“It might work for others, but not for me !” I thought “The day a bar girl stops working in a bar, forgets all the money she could earn by going with another Farang, and tries to meet me unforced and willingly as long as I´m in town, would be the day I start to believe her that she really loves me ! But this will never happen here in Pattaya… Not in a million years ! It´s all fun… it´s all business… and the meaning of love at a place like this, is the biggest joke ever !”
I got ready for the night.
After dinner I took a motorbike taxi to Walking Street.
I wanted something spicy in that night… something SamSongTomish… free of all fake declarations of love.
I didn´t want to forget Nang Far !
I just wanted to say goodbye to Walking Street by going on a last go go bar tour and by doing something naughty.
But I guess the biggest mistake I did was that I went into Airport Club, instead of starting the tour somewhere else.
Once I was in there, I couldn´t get out anymore.
It wasn´t so bad at all, because I ended up with two of the dancers.
Their names were S. and L. and they both were real stunners… So, how could I resist !?
Almost two hours later, the bar fine was paid and we were on our way back to Flipper House on two motorbike taxis.
The security officer at the entrance of the hotel smiled and made a thumbs-up gesture while the girls took their ID cards out of their handbags.
“Good luck, Sir !” he said.
“Bugger !” I thought and smiled to him “Now you talk ! Why you haven´t said anything a few nights ago when I arrived here with the ladyboy ?”
S. and L. were real fun loving girls and began to caress me seductively and opend my shirt already whilst we still stood in the lift that brought us up to my room.
Two soft and skilful hands slipped into my trousers to ensnare LittleMike.
I was just happy that nobody stopped the lift before we reached the 7th floor and that it´s door didn´t slide open for other passengers
What followed when we arrived in my room was just… indescribable !




THE RETURN OF THE SUN WORSHIPPER
“Michael !” I heard Jackorino´s voice speaking in German to me while I took my last few steps up to the swimming pool “Seems to me that your holidays will soon be over !”
I turned my head to the left and spotted the assistant manager of Flipper House standing at the pool bar, near by a table with a group of Farangs.
“Guten Tag !” I said “Yes you are right ! I have to check out here, day after tomorrow, by late afternoon time !”
“Too bad !” Jackorino said “Look who has just arrived here !”
I looked at the Farangs.
Most of the guys I didn´t know.
But one black haired guy stood up from his chair and lifted his sun glasses.
“Mike !” he said in German with an Austrian accent “I have expected to meet Tommy and you here, because Songkran comes soon !”
“Al. from Austria !” I shouted and went over to him “I´m glad to see you !”
“Meet my friends from Norway !” Al. said and introduced me to the three other guys.
I sat down on a chair at their table.
“How is going, mate ?” Al. asked “Where is Tommy ?”
“Well, first I have to inform you, that we travelled together again, but earlier as in the years before !” I said “Tommysan is back home already, since a week or so. And I have to travel home on day after tomorrow !”
“That´s bad news !” Al. said “No Songkran madness for you this year… hmmm !?”
“No !” I said “But no problem. I got all I wanted in the past four weeks ! I´m in a real Pattaya flush now… especially after last night !”
“So, same same last year… eh !?” Al. asked and laughed “Like in the last few days you had in April last year… Mao mao all the time and unable to get your T.lucks sorted, eh !?”
“Yup !” I said “All this, whilst you were unable to enjoy the water festival because of the terrible sunburn you had !”
“Hmmm… yes !” Al. said “That was bad ! My skin was peeling away down to my flesh and I had to see a doctor !”
“But you were still complaining when the weather wasn´t so perfect anymore in the days after Songkran !” I said “Your new name should be SunSeeker !”
We both laughed.
“But I wonder what you are doing up here !” SunSeeker said “I always thought that you hate swimming pools, and that the only light that was allowed to touch your skin was the red light in the bars !”
“I´m getting older, mate !” I said “This time I just tried something new !”

Two or three beers later, SunSeeker and his friends left the pool bar, because they wanted to go somewhere else.
I decided to stay a little bit longer and to sit on a deck chair near by the pool, because I still felt a little bit exhausted from my night with S. and L.
While I read in my book, I noticed a fat Farang with a small Thai woman and a child splashing water to each other in the pool.
First I thought that the German-Farang couple I knew was back, whose son got into trouble in the pool one and a half week ago.
But then I identified the Thai woman.
It was Nang Far !
I wasn´t surprised at all to see her with a new customer, who had probably bar fined her for a longer period of time, after I hadn´t visited Anna Jet again in the past night.
But I was surprised to see that little Thai boy together with them.
Was that Nang Far´s child ?
She had never told me anything about a child.
But after all I had learned about bar girls, I didn´t expect to meet one of them who had no children… and it doesn´t mattered anymore how old or how young the bar girl was.
Talking about children to a customer was still as good as a sick buffalo tale to push the Farang´s buttons and to open his wallet…
Nang Far couldn´t see me in the corner where I sat.
I had no intention to say Hello to her.
But I wasn´t jealous at all, because I knew the rules and I was far beyond of torturing myself with illusions and desires.
My affair with Nang Far was over !
I had paid her and I had treated her well.
Now I was about to travel home.
The only thought I had before I continued reading in my book was:
“Nice swimsuit, little angel !”

I met up with SunSeeker and the Norway guys again, around 5:30pm at Aussie Bar.
SunSeeker and the others had no intentions to go anywhere else, because they had arrived in Pattaya just two hours before I met them at the swimming pool.
I was surprised to see FiveBaht´s T.luck working in the bar again, after I hadn´t seen her for a few days.
She came over to me for a chat.
“Have you heard from FiveBaht again ?” I asked.
“Yes !” she said “He has sent me an e-mail. But I haven´t found the time yet to send him a reply. His mail is so long !”
“Really ?” I asked.
“Yes ! It´s like he wanted to tell me his life´s story !” she said and giggled “I guess he really loves me and wants to meet me again in coming November !”
“Hmmm… !” I said “So, what about you ? Are you going to meet up with him again ?”
“I don´t know yet !” she said “As you know, I have too many customers like him. But if I have time, I will join him on a little round trip in Thailand !”
“She is a professional !” I thought “She is talking about love like it is just a deal. I wonder what old FiveBaht is after… Has he really confessed his true feelings for her in that mail, or is he just playing a game… in the name of research for the pattayafans.net forum !?”

It was getting late, and SunSeeker and his friends had no intentions to go anywhere else or to get something to eat.
But I felt hungry… and I felt the need to visit another bar, even I wanted to give Walking Street a miss.
So, I said goodbye to them, went back to my room, got ready for the night and went to Pink Lady Restaurant for some spicy Thai food.
After dinner I made my round:
Soi 7 and Soi 8… Happiness Stars, Minny Bar, Party Bar and Cloud Nine.
I ended up at Anna Jet´s again around midnight.
Nang Far sat together with her customer and Doctor B. wanted her teddybear again.
“Too sweet !” I thought, bought B. a drink and informed her that I wanted to sleep alone.
I talked a long while with PeterP… about the forums, about Kenny and Yogi, and about my last night out.
Around 1:30am I visited Mac´s Bar for a last drink.
Mac wasn´t there and so I left the bar at 2:00am, after two VodkaNamSoms, and went back to my room… alone.




HOMEWARD BOUND
I had a deep and dreamless sleep in that night.
When I finally woke up at 11:30 on the next day, I realised that my body really needed this rest from all the nightly activities in the past week.
I got up from the bed and took a cold shower to wake me up completely.
I was alone.
No morning session… no declarations of love… no religious talk about temples in Rayong.
Just shave, shit and another (warm) shower.
I was feeling great.
But I wondered that I had no hangover at all.
“Looks like I´m on the best way to become an alcoholic !” I thought for myself “Time to go home !”
I began with packing most of my stuff into my suitcase.
After that I sent an SMS to Tallguy, to invite him to Anna Jet in the coming night.
Later, after my breakfast/lunch at Pig & Whistles Restaurant I went by Baht bus to Jomtien Beach, even the sky was full of heavy rain clouds.
I stayed there for almost three hours, got a last massage and said goodbye to the mamasan, her staff and to the two masseuses.
On my way back from Jomtien Beach, I went through the rain to Mickey´s Bar to look for Fred.
But one of the guys who sat there informed me that Fred was off to Bangkok… whatever he had to do there.
So, I went to Anna Jet after one beer at Mickey´s, chatted with DR. (the Italian expat who used to hang around at AJ´s every afternoon) and announced that I would ring the bell in the coming night.
Another San Miguel at Aussie Bar to say goodbye to FiveBaht´s T.luck and to invite SunSeeker & Co. (who sat in that bar again)… and I was back in my hotel room to complete packing.

“This will take some time !” I thought when I held my little book with my notes for MekongMike´s blog in my hand “It´s going to be more difficult than ever before to find the time to write the novelization !”
I thought about the things that were waiting for me at home:
-the coming open air swimming pool season
-the usual staff shortage
-the renovation of the old scrapheap pools
-the changes in the management of the public sports facilities
I put the book into the backpack I used as hand luggage.
“Let´s see how things will go !” I thought “You are not in the future yet ! Think about all this when the future turns into the present. Live in the here and now only !” I remembered my old Buddhist teacher´s advices “Be in the world… Not of it !”
I closed the suitcase.
Only the stuff I needed on my last night out and on the trip home was still in my wardrobe.
I was ready to fly home !

I rang the bell in Anna Jet Bar at 10:00pm.
Far too early, because they were not so many customers in the bar.
Sorry Anna !
I´ll promise to make it better, by waiting a little bit longer next time, Pete !
Tallguy was there.
But SunSeeker and his friends didn´t come to the bar before midnight.
Bad luck… guys !
Like in the years before, some of the girls felt the need to decorate me with a floral wreath, and Ja. even bought a bunch of roses for me from one of the street vendors.
I later left the flowers and the floral wreath at Anna´s little temple section in the bar.
Doctor B. came to me and gave me a box wrapped in colourful paper… which caused a funny misunderstanding: One of the girls said “Happy Birthday” to me.
B. insisted that I would open the box to have a look inside.
I felt flattered when I found a small showcase with six small Buddha miniatures in the box.
Each Buddha sat or stood in another position.
“Thank you B. !” I said “How did you know that something like this would make me happy ? We haven´t talked about all this !”
B. came closer to me and took my Five-Euro-Buddha pendant in her hand.
“We talk a lot to each other !” she said “R. and me !”
I looked around and spotted Nang Far playing pool with her customer.
I stood up from my chair and went over to her.
“Excuse me Sir !” I said to the Farang “I just want to say goodbye to this girl !”
I took Nang Far´s hands.
“Goodbye little angel !” I said “I will never forget you. Good luck to you… wherever you go, whatever you do !”
I kissed her on her forehead and turned around quickly, before the Farang would start to complain anything.
Tallguy stayed with me till 11:30pm.
I hope he understood why I didn´t want to go anywhere else in my last night.
It was just o.k. for me to sit there, drink, get mao and return to my room together with an AJ girl.
On such a last night out, Anna Jet always turned into my castle of memories.
Memories that go far back in time… To the year 2004 when I sat there for the first time in my life, together with ThaiDancer, his wife and with SamSongTom and N.… To the year 2005, when one of the AJ girls offered me her help after I had told her that my girlfriend, K., was ill… To the year 2006 when I escaped into the bar, right into MissMoody´s arms, after K. had left me… To the year 2007, when I started over again to forget K. and got pampered well by N2 and Dragonlady… To the year 2008, when I declared that Anna Jet definitely was my favorite bar in Pattaya !
I gave Tallguy a bear hug and said goodbye to him at the entrance of Anna Jet before I returned to my place.
I chatted with PeterP, who gave me another AJ baseball cap for my collection… this time a red one.
Around midnight Ringo, his girlfriend and DJ Joe came into the bar.
As far as I remember, SunSeeker & Co. found me dancing on the pole together with Ringo.
Once again, the so called quiet night at Anna Jet turned into one hell of a party.
I remember that I said to Ringo:
“You know that this is the first time since 2004, that I´m not going to stay here for Songkran ! So, I want you to have maximum fun… for me too ! You must promise me that you will enjoy it for the both of us !”
After I had said goodbye to everybody, I left Anna Jet together with the cute Ja., the young but tall girl who had been together with me before.
Farang Boomerang again !

Holidays were over for me, as soon as Ja. had left me at 11:00 o´clock on the next morning.
I decided to stay in the hotel, till my taxi would pick me up.
I sat down in the restaurant and chatted with Jackorino and SunSeeker.
Later I spent my last two hours in my room, completed all packing, had a beer from my mini bar and watched TV.
Nothing special was going on in my mind.
I was ready to fly home.

“Ah… another MissToom !” I thought when the receptionist of Flipper House introduced me to my driver.
I shook her hand and followed her to her car.
“Mister… !” MissToom said “Your name is Michael, right !?”
“Yes !” I answered “But all my friends use to call me Mike. You can do so too !”
“Sounds nice… Mister !” she said and showed me a killing smile.

I often wondered of the absence of the English word “Sir” whenever a Thai person talks to a man in English. Whilst it was common even among those people in India whose English was very basic, the Thais didn´t seem to have a sense for that. The only exception was the girl at the AIS counter in Big C… But she hadn´t been of any help anyway. But the absence of the word “Sir”… Was it caused by the fact that Thailand had never been influenced by the Brits like it happened to India, or was it just a sign of disrespect towards us Farangs ?
I didn´t care about this anyway, because I wasn´t English and there wasn´t any equivalent to the word in my mother tongue. It was just something to think about for me, as the lifelong learner of English that I was.

“Just forget the Mister !” I said and smiled “Just call me Mike !”
“Okay, Mister… Mike !” MissToom said.
I had to sit beside the driver, because the backseat of her car was occupied with many bags and other stuff.
“What´s all that stuff on the backseat ?” I asked.
“Oh, those are my bags !” she said “I will go to my home village soon to see my Mum and Dad !”
“No problem !” I said “It´s nice to sit beside the driver. We always do so in Germany, even when we sit in a taxi. But the driver sits on the other side, because in Germany all cars drive on the right side of the street !”
“Yes I know !” MissToom said “Must be very funny !”
“No it isn´t !” I thought, but didn´t say it loud “It´s just the same, but mirrored. The only difference is that I never met such a cute taxi driver in Germany !”
We left Pattaya and reached the highway.
“Mister… Mike !” the driver asked “What time your flight goes ?”
“11:00 o´clock tonight !” I answered.
“What ?” MissToom asked loud and laughed “Why you want to be at the airport so early ? Is there a lady waiting for you ?”
“No !” I said and laughed “But the weather forecast has predicted some storms for today… and I had my experience in the past, when another driver had to drive very slowly because of the rain and hail !”
“Rain ? Hail ?” MissToom said and continued laughing “Look at the sky Mister ! The sun is shining… the sky is blue like the sea !”
“Just call me Mike !” I said “You are right ! But what can I do ? Bad luck… eh !?”
“Well, Mister… Mike !” she said “Up to you ! I´ll bring you there very fast. We will reach Suvarnabhumi around 6:00pm !”
“No problem !” I said “I´ll find a way to get over the long waiting time. There are a plenty of restaurants and shops in there. I´ll just have a look around. Maybe I´ll spend the time in an internet café… or just by reading in my book !”
“Why you don´t go to Bangkok City ?” MissToom asked.
“Not enough time for such a big city !” I answered.
“Hmmm… you have been in Pattaya all the time ?” she asked “Tell me of your holidays. Have you met a lady for you there ?”
“I must confess that I met more than one !” I said “They can drive a man crazy !”
“Yeeeessss !” she said and caressed my cheek “Poor Mister… name Mike ! The power of Thai ladies, eh !?”
I was surprised that she had touched me, because she was a taxi driver, not a working girl in a bar.
“Yes !” I said and laughed “That´s why I always say that four weeks in Pattaya is enough for me !”
MissToom giggled.
“You are very hansum man, Mister… Mike !” she said “If I see a man like you, I wish I could go with you in Pattaya, like the ladies who work in a bar can do !”
“Well, I guess you have a better job than them !” I said “But I must confess that I wouldn´t run away from you !”
“Good !” she said and giggled “I win ! If you want to make a break somewhere on our way to the airport to buy something to eat, just tell me ! But watch out ! I gonna kiss you as soon as we stop somewhere !”
I was confused, because MissToom was flirting with me.
I hadn´t expected something like this, because I was convinced that a Thai lady who wasn´t working in the bar scene would never flirt with a Farang.
But why not ?
I knew that Mister Toom had many drivers.
Maybe some of them worked for him part time only, and used their private cars to do the job.
She was an adult Thai lady and beside her duties to drive Farangs from Bangkok to Pattaya and back again, she was free to do whatever she wanted to do.
It was allowed to her to flirt with me !
I decided to play the game… as long as I didn´t got a bad feeling.
“Wow !” I said “I know it sounds stupid. But I feel hungry already !”
MissToom laughed out loud.

We arrived at Suvarnabhumi Airport around 6:00pm.
Far too early, exactly like MissToom had predicted.
After I had paid her for the transfer, I gave her a generous tip.
“Thank you very much !” I said and shook her hand “I will e-mail your boss to book a ride from Bangkok to Pattaya again on my next holidays !”
We both got off the car.
MissToom insisted to help me with lifting my suitcase out of the boot.
“Well, that´s it !” I said while I brought the suitcase into an upright position on the sidewalk and pulled the handhold out to turn it into a trolley “Maybe you´ll be my driver again next time. Would be great to meet you again !”
“Mister… Mike, Sir !” MissToom said “It´s like I said when we left Pattaya. We are too early. Now you must wait five hours till your flight goes !”
“No problem !” I said.
“But Mike !” she said “This is very long time ! Just come outside again after you have checked in your luggage. You can go with me ! Come with me to Bangkok City ! I promise to bring you back here on time before boarding begins ! Please, Mike… just say yes ! Come with me !”




THE END

Being The Odd One Out

ACCIDENT REPORT AND PATTAYA FEVER
“That´s why I hate swimming pools !” I said, after I had finished my report of my little afternoon adventure “Even I enjoy working at the pools back home during summer, I hate it to visit one on my days off, or when I´m on holidays !”
“Looks like your profession is still chasing you, even when you are lightyears away from your workplace !” SamSongTom said and laughed “Do you think that something like this always happens to you whenever you go to a pool when you are off duty ?”
“No !” I answered “But it´s a simple fact that I can´t relax at a pool, without thinking of work. It begins with the chlorine smell of the water, which is avoidable at an open air pool, if the one who runs the technical part would do his job right. The pool of Flipper House is okay. But I have seen others that are not so nice. You must know that I´m unable to look at a swimming pool with the eyes of an ordinary guest. I always see it with the eyes of a pool attendant. For example, the overflow gutter at the edges of a pool… It must not look like a dirty sewer trench… I instantly start thinking of the work that has to be done at such places… and the worst of all is my unintentional habit to watch over the people in the water, like when I´m on pool patrol !”
“Hmmm… maybe you should quit your job in Germany and start to work at a pool here in Thailand !” SamSongTom said “I´m sure that hotel managers or the owners of places like Pattaya Park, would welcome you as the certified master of swimming pools and lifeguarding you are !”
“No !” I said “If I ever make it to do something new in my life, I definitely would not do the same stuff again here in Thailand. I would make the decision that 25 years at the pools in Germany were enough for the rest of my life !”
“So, you must learn how to relax and enjoy !” my friend said “You have to go there again and force yourself not to think of work. See it as a part of your transformation, Mikelsan. Who knows ? Maybe one fine day you´ll find a lovely lady sitting on the overflow gutter… Maybe later you´ll have a romantic date near by the filtration chambers !”
“Bugger !” I said “Only Farangs and their bar fined bints come to hotel pools !”
SamSongTom´s laughter sounded through the restaurant of Flipper House.
“What happened next ?” he asked “I mean, after you´ve rescued the boy !”
“It wasn´t much of a rescue !” I explained “The boy´s father grabbed him in the same time as I did. Nevertheless the man was very grateful and invited me for a beer at the pool bar. He told me that he was very surprised that a stranger at a hotel pool could be so attentive and also resolute to take action. I decided not to tell him anything about my profession, because I didn´t want to show off. Anyway… after that, our conversation went into a completely different direction. He told me about his Thai wife and their legitimate son… and about his wife´s younger sister who works in a bar, somewhere in Walking Street. I got the feeling that he wanted me to meet his sister-in-law and to do for her what he did for his wife in the time before he married her and brought her home to Germany !”
“Sponsoring ?” SamSongTom asked.
“Yup !” I answered.
“So, what did you say to him ?” he asked “Will you meet his sister-in-law ?”
“I told him that I´m in Thailand for holidays… and that I didn´t come here to change my life or the life of any girl !” I said “But I guess he got the feeling that I was just an odd one out who spends his holidays at the wrong place. His wife didn´t hesitate to show me a photo of her sister, which she had in her handbag. The girl on the picture was a real stunner… probably a go go dancer. But I declined her offer to arrange a meet up, when she took her phone to call her. I hate it when people try to hook me up with a girl I don´t know ! And I really don´t understand why everybody thinks that a holiday in Thailand has something to do with finding the future girlfriend or wife and… why the hell they can´t accept that some tourists are just here to have nice holidays !”
“What´s the name of the bar where she is working ?” SamSongTom asked.
“I don´t know !” I said “It´s somewhere in Walking Street… probably a go go bar !”
“Ah… come on, Mikelsan !” he said “I´m sure the guy mentioned the bar´s name !”
“Yes he did !” I said.
“So, what ?” SamSongTom asked.
“I forgot the name !” I said.
“Bugger !” my friend said “You know the name. But you don´t want to tell me !”
“No !” I said “It´s not like this !”
“I guess you don´t want me to meet the guy´s sister-in-law before you go to her bar !” SamSongTom said.
“Oh dream on, Tommysan !” I said to bring this conversation to an end.

After dinner, I was back in my room.
SamSongTom went out to meet up with FiveBaht, Pt. of Hotties Bar or with the other pattayafans.net members.
My reason for not joining him on a tour through the night, was caused by the simple fact that the Pattaya fever was still not completely gone.
I still felt bad, and the little episode at the pool in the afternoon wasn´t a good help to restore my health.
Not that the episode had been extremely disturbing for me… It was nothing compare with the situations I had at my workplaces during the past 25 years.
Beside the usual one or two jumps into the pool per summer to grab a child or adult nonswimmer who accidentally found him- herself in the deep water, I had six extremely difficult situations since my time as an apprentice.
I used to call those situations “real emergencies”, because anything else that happened at an overcrowded pool, even the one or two jumps per season, were just routine.
A “real emergency” was a situation in which I had to take the full action I was trained for… not only rescue swimming, but also resuscitation and other first aid actions.
Those situations were always nerve-wracking and exhausting for me, physically and mentally.
Even the aftermaths of real emergencies were disturbing for everyone:
Accident reports and questions of guilt, especially when we or the paramedics couldn´t bring the casualty back to life.
I always hated those stupid twats who talked about the situations, and said that somebody drowned in our pool.
They quickly created bad rumors that were spreading around in our small town for the rest of the summer… making people pointing with their fingers upon us, saying “Aren´t those the lifeguards who were on duty when somebody drowned in the pool ?”
Drowning was something that never happened without screaming and other signs of panic.
Something a well trained lifeguard could easily recognise and definitely turned him into a jumper to prevent the worst going to happen.
The events that caused a “real emergency” were accidents on the diving board, on the water slide and… the worst of all… the silent submersions, caused by physical weaknesses and exhaustion of a swimmer, or by medical backgrounds.
In five of my six “real emergencies” it was the medical background.
The casualties were clinical dead before they even got the chance to drown.
No, the situation with the little boy in the hotel pool was nothing !
The only thing to complain about was the fact, that his parents had left him alone in the pool, even they probably knew that he still wasn´t a good swimmer at all.
I didn´t believe that his father was aware how close the situation was…
Just one intake of breath under water would have been enough to create a real emergency…
It had been good to see the boy coughing and spitting all the water out… along with his lunch.
Well, the latter part had driven me to order Farang food only, when I sat down with SamSongTom in the restaurant.
It was better to keep the spicy Thai food out of my stomach anyway, as long as I still suffered from the “Bangkok belly”.
And… for obvious reasons… in that night… I found the smell of Thai spices coming from SamSongTom´s plate just disgusting.




CANNED BEER AND REFRESHMENT TOWELS
“FiveBaht has a new T.luck !” SamSongTom said, when I arrived at our place at Jomtien Beach “That´s why he is not here right now. Looks like he´ll spend the remaining few days of his holidays with this one girl !”
“Hmmm… She must be a real stunner, eh !?” I said “I mean… if a guy like FiveBaht decides to play the Thai-Farang girlfriend-boyfriend game, even he has sworn that he would never do so !”
“Yes, she is a stunner !” my friend answered “But also a very shifty person !”
“Why is that ?” I asked “Hope FiveBaht is aware of this. In which bar has he found her ?”
“I guess he is aware of it and that he is just playing a game, whilst being on research for a future report for the pattayafans.net forum !” SamSongTom said “She is from Aussie Bar. We went there for a last drink, this morning 2:00 o´clock, when she suddenly entered the bar, jumped behind the counter and did some prayers in front of the picture of Buddha or whatever. At first we both thought that she was a new girl. But she turned out to be one of the most experienced bar girls of Aussie´s. It didn´t last long till FiveBaht approached her and she told him, that she had just returned from Bangkok after some time she had spent together with another Farang… travelling around a few days and escorting him to the airport on the day he had to travel home !”
“Ouch !” I said “I guess he was another love Kasper !?”
SamSongTom showed me a malicious smile.
“I know a Farang who once did the same !” he said.
“Yo… oh, I know what you mean !” I said “I don´t want to talk about it anymore… and I definitely don´t want to justify my deeds of five years ago with the odd Mine was different bullshit again. But I know a Farang who is still addicted to one specific girl here… and when he can´t get her, he will stick with another girl, who looks similar to the one he can´t get !”
“We both are crazy… eh !?” SamSongTom said.
“Yup !” I answered “But we are no bad guys, because of our weaknesses. Tell me more about FiveBaht´s T.luck !”
“Well, she confessed to FiveBaht, that the Farang she had just brought to the airport was seriously in love with her… and that she wasn´t sure how to handle this, in case he makes contact with her again !” SamSongTom explained “But it didn´t look like that she would be faithful to this guy,- now that he was gone. So, FiveBaht got the full high quality treatment from her and as far as I remember he asked her to stay with him for longer than one night only !”
“And ?” I asked.
“Don´t know !” SamSongTom said “Last time I saw them both was when they left Aussie Bar and walked up Soi 7, probably to Anna Jet and straight up to FiveBaht´s room in the guesthouse !”
“I know a fine Englishman who is about to do the same !” I said “I mean, bar fining a girl for a longer period of time. I can´t imagine myself doing something like this. But I hope for them both, the Englishman and FiveBaht, that they will not loose their heads !”

The Pattaya fever was almost gone.
But I still felt like going through the aftermath of a flu infection that was fading away.
I felt weak and lazy… But there wasn´t anything wrong with that, because I was on holidays.
What a difference my present situation was in comparison with my private life on a day off back home:
Nothing was holding me back from making a tour with one of my two bicycles on a nice weather day back home… and the only decision I had to make was about taking the mountainbike or the trekkingbike (both amazing “machines”) out of the cellar room…
But here in Thailand, where I had all the time in the world and could have done so many things, I was just a lazy bastard… hanging around on the beach or in a bar by late afternoon times already.
But who cares ?
My bicycles were lightyears away anyway…
I jumped off the Baht Bus on Second Road, whilst SamSongTom was heading towards Soi 6.
Sharkbait had given me a call earlier that afternoon and so I was looking forward to meet him at Anna Jet for a few afternoon beers and “people-watching” in Soi 7.
“People Watching”… I remembered what Martinlanna once has said on UKBKK about sitting at the entrance of Anna Jet by late afternoon time, having a beer and watching the world passing by:
“…very entertaining !”
Cheers Mart !
Very entertaining, in deed !
Even Sharkbait and I had our seats right at the bar´s counter, it was great to watch and chat.

Much later, after dinner, I met together with SamSongTom and FiveBaht at Aussie Bar where I made the acquaintance with FiveBaht´s new T´luck.
SamSongTom was right… The girl was a real stunner.
Nevertheless, FiveBaht left her in Aussie Bar when we went out to visit the Pattaya Music Festival.
He would pick her up later… and she promised him that she would wait for him.
I couldn´t hold myself back from making jokes of how many Short Times she would have whilst she had to wait for FiveBaht´s return.
But FiveBaht seemed to be very relaxed and gave me no comments, even when SamSongTom´s laughter sounded through the night.
FiveBaht seemed to be more interested in his professional photo equipment he was carrying with him that night, to take some photos of the music festival.
We entered Pattaya Central Road through the extension of the Soi-Inbetween that crossed Soi 7.
The street was totally overcrowded.
It seemed to be that everybody wanted to reach the dolphin cycle, where a Thai band was playing loud Rock music on a stage positioned around the dolphin and mermaid sculptures.
I had never been on many Rock concerts in my life (beside ZZ Top playing in Luxembourg and Deep Purple in my hometown, several years ago).
But it looked like Pattaya´s municipality had done everything to turn the music festival into a professional event.
The lighting, the sound equipment and other effects, created by laser beams and a huge LCD screen, were just amazing.
But I must confess, that I wasn´t so impressed by the music and by the whole atmosphere of standing there, surrounded by sweating Farangs and screaming Thai teenagers, whilst drinking the canned Singha we bought from one of the vendors on the street.
Nevertheless, the Pattaya Music Festival was something one had to see when in Pattaya during the festival dates.
After one hour I wished that we could go somewhere else soon, to have a few drinks in a beer bar, where we could ogle some girls.
But I didn´t want to be the odd one out again by expressing my thoughts, because I could see that SamSongTom and FiveBaht enjoyed the festival.
Finally, my phone played a notification sound and while I read the SMS it had just received, I declared that Yogi was a mind reader !
His text was simple:

HI… WHERE ARE YOU ?
I´M ON PATTAYA CENTRAL… NEAR BIG C.
DUNNO WHAT TO DO.
SO MANY PEOPLE ON THE STREET.

Right after I had read the text, the band made a break and so I called Yogi instead of sending a text reply to him.
“There are two options, Yogi !” I said “You can join us here and enjoy the overcrowded street and the loud music at the dolphin cycle, or you stay overthere and wait for me. I´ll be there in two minutes to join you for a beer or two somewhere in Soi 7 !”
“Overcrowded streets and loud music is not good !” he said “And beer and bar in Soi 7… Could be Anna Jet ! Come overhere and bring your friends with you !”
Now it was time to be the odd one out again !
I informed SamSongTom that Yogi was waiting for us.
“So, why he doesn´t come here ?” he asked.
“He probably has other plans !” I answered “There is nothing wrong with that. The music festival will go all night long,- not only here at the dolphin cycle. We could make our way down Beach Road, after a break at Anna Jet. Who knows ? Maybe we´ll make it down to Walking Street later !”
“Anna Jet, Anna Jet !” I heard FiveBaht´s voice beside me “Why you are so addicted to this bar only ? It´s an island monkey bar !”
“Bullshit !” I said “The owner is a Brit… and so it´s understandable that most of his friends are from England. But I know a Kraut who has a room there !”
“Not for long anymore !” FiveBaht said “I will change soon to Eastiny Hotel, together with my lady !”
“Oh, all for the bint… eh !?” I said “Anna Jet is not good enough for your Issan princess, eh !?”
“It´s not like this !” FiveBaht answered “I´m on holidays, you know !? I just want to make the best out of it, even there are a few days left only !”
The band started playing again and so it was impossible to continue this conversation anymore.
I heard SamSongTom shouting:
“Mikelsan, you always run for the island monkeys, whenever one calls you. Can´t you manage it that they run for you ? Let this Yogi come here !”
“Okay !” I said “That´s it ! I´m off ! See you later !”
I turned around and walked up Cental Road towards Big C shopping center, whilst dialing Yogi´s number.
“Stay where you are, mate !” I said “I´m on my way !”
Around two minutes later I spotted Yogi´s bald head in the crowd.
“Any problem with your friends ?” he asked when I reached him.
“No !” I said “Just the usual SamSongTom-ish madness you might know already from my previous trip reports !”
“What now ?” he asked “Where do you want to go ?”
“Bar !” I said “Somewhere where I can sit, drink and ogle girls !”
Yogi laughed.
“What about you ?” I asked.
“Oh… I need one of these refreshment towels !” he said “And a beer, of course !”
I saw pearls of sweat running down Yogi´s bald head and I laughed, because I was not looking much better.
“Refreshment towels !” I said “Good idea. Let´s go to Anna Jet. I´ll have my reasons to go there anyway !”
“Ah… Doctor B., eh ?” Yogi asked whilst we crossed the street.
“No !” I said “I just want to show the two Krauts I have just left that they were right !”
“Right ? With what ?” he asked.
“That I´m an odd one out who is addicted to the bar that thinks it is a club !” I said “And that my way of making the best out of a holiday in Pattaya is definitely not by standing on an overcrowded street and drinking canned beer !”




SOI JET, SOI PET, AND BACK AGAIN
“So, tell me Yogi… How are things going on the T.luck front ?” I asked.
“Hmmm… !?” Yogi said while he wiped the sweat off his forehead with a refreshment towel “Fine ! She is a lovely girl, and I´m willing to stay together with her for the rest of my holidays !”
“Good for you, mate !” I said with a thoughtful voice “I was close to do the same with a girl I met here this time… But things are different now… I guess it´s better anyway !”
Yogi looked at me and smiled.
“Nah, it´s just okay !” I said “I´m not made for the long time girlfriend-boyfriend game anyway. But tell me, where is your T.luck now ?”
“We decided not to stick together all the time !” he answered “At least not every day. I will meet up with her again in her bar tonight and will take her home to my hotel room. It´s like she is living with me in the same hotel for a while. No other Farang will bar fine her as long as I´m still here in Pattaya !”
“That sounds like a good deal !” I said, even my comment on FiveBaht´s deal with the shifty Aussie girl came back into my mind “I would love to make her acquaintance ! But don´t worry… I´ll keep my hands off your chicken !”
Yogi laughed out loud, remembering the funny night we had on the UKBKK meet up in Pattaya Beer Garden, more than a week ago.
One and a half hour later we left Anna Jet, to give Party Bar in Soi 8 a visit.
“Soi 7 is Soi Jet in Thai !” I thought when we entered the Soi-Inbetween “So, Soi 8 is… Soi Pet, or what !?”
Even I wasn´t sure if the spelling was right, I was amused about the double meaning of the word “pet”… one in Thai and one in English.
“Soi Pet… also known as Soi Kathoey… the Rishathra lane !”

Party Bar was dead quiet, like all other bars in Soi Jet and Soi Pet.
The final night of the Pattaya Music Festival on Beach Road seemed to be the number one event for all Farangs… but I didn´t understand why.
I wondered if Walking Street was as same quiet, with regards to the fact that it was difficult to get there for people who stayed in South Pattaya.
Beach Road was closed for all traffic and on Second Road all vehicles were allowed to go in both directions… A situation that caused chaotic scenes of Thai style traffic jams and accidents all the way down to Walking Street.
Baht busses, trucks and fancy cars were just standing there, honking and polluting the air with their emissions.
Yogi and I decided to stay in Party Bar for more than an hour, chatting with PL., Jt. and the Mamasan.
As far as I remember, Yogi and I received text messages on our phones in the same time.
Yogi´s was from his T.luck, to inform him that she had just finished work in that night and that she wanted to meet him.
The text I received was from SamSongTom, saying that he had just arrived in Cloud Nine Bar in Soi 8.
“Tommysan visits a bar where they play live Rock music only ?” I thought for myself “He must be sick… or with a girl !”
Half an hour later, we left Party Bar and said Goodbye to each other.
I walked down Soi 8 to catch up with SamSongTom in Cloud Nine, whilst Yogi made his way up the lane to check out how he could reach Walking Street.
Cloud Nine was as same quiet as the other bars all around… and the worst thing was that they didn´t do any live music in that night, but played horrible cover versions of songs from Deep Purple and Dire Straits on CD.
Another disturbing factor was SamSongTom´s absence.
“Where are you King Butterfly ?” I thought, but felt too lazy to call him or to send him a text.
I got the feeling that it was time for me to find a female companion for the rest of the night.
So, I looked around in the bar and… I guess I looked a little bit silly, always smiling like a stoned Thai guy on Yaba.
The booze was definitely doing it´s work… and I made the decision that I wouldn´t go far anymore in that night.
The only stunners and cuties I spotted in Cloud Nine were occupied with Farangs already.
The rest of them who were still free looked too much like ladyboys to me.
I remembered that I was in Soi Kathoey… in a bar right in the centre of the Rishathra zone.
I checked bin after two or three MekongCokes and walked up the lane and into the Soi-Inbetween to reach Soi 7 and Anna Jet, where I wanted to take my last drink.

I was surprised to see SamSongTom and FiveBaht sitting at a table in Anna Jet and chatting with PeterP.
FiveBaht´s T.luck was there and another stunner sat beside SamSongTom.
I joined them.
The dispute we had on Central Road a few hours earlier was forgotten… and so, I didn´t ask and didn´t complain the fact that SamSongTom hadn´t been in Cloud Nine anymore when I reached there to meet him.
“Yo Mike !” PeterP said “How is that possible ? Your friends got company. But you are still alone !”
“Well, sometimes I´m like a bystander who is watching, but not participating !” I said “Sometimes I´m the odd one out !”
“Nah… you always return to Anna Jet alone !” PeterP said “Nothing wrong with that. But I guess you´ll not leave the bar without company… eh !?”
“Well, let´s see how it goes !” I said and smiled.
Half an hour later, FiveBaht and his T.luck left us to go upstairs.
I remember that they would check out in the guesthouse on the next morning, because FiveBaht had booked a room in Eastiny Hotel.
SamSongTom and T.luck left Anna Jet around 2:00am… and I was still alone… sitting there, drinking VodkaNamSom and… getting attracted by a cute AJ girl with the name of Ja.
I knew her.
Two weeks ago, she had been SamSongTom´s T.luck.
A tall girl with a pretty face and a body to die for… But she seemed to be far too young for me… maybe 19 or 20 years old only.
So, I forced myself to look somewhere else.
But I was caught already !
It appeared to be, that whenever I looked accidentally into the direction where she sat at the entrance of the bar, Ja. looked at me too.
She had an absolutely killing smile…
“You could be her father, old bugger !” I thought for myself “At least she is not so tiny like Nang Far or MissCambodia !”
I definitely felt like the odd one out, who was unable to get things right and who had decided to watch the world passing by, instead of grabbing the chances the world had to offer.
“Be in the world, but not of it !” I thought “Nah, at least I should buy her a drink !”
I waved with my hand to invite Ja. to sit beside me.
I noticed Doctor B. pushing her towards me.
I laughed.
Ja. came to my place and embraced me tightly.
“Wow !” I said “What is making you so happy ?”
“I always wanted to go with you !” she said and kissed me.
“Who said that you can go with me tonight, little daughter ?” I thought, but didn´t say it loud.
PeterP popped up beside us and clapped his hands.
“Good choice, mate !” he said.
Anna herself came to me and said something.
But I couldn´t understand her, because of the loud music in the bar.
So, I just smiled and invited her, PeterP and of course Ja. and B. for a drink.
Later, when Anna was gone and Ja. went to toilet, I grabbed PeterP´s arm to let him know that I wanted to talk with him.
“I´m not sure what to do, Pete !” I said “Ja. is lovely. But she looks so young ! I don´t know if it would be right… I mean bar fining her. She deserves something better than an old bastard like me !”
“Shall I send her away from you ?” he asked “No problem, Mike !”
“No !!!” I said “It´s just… I feel a little bit unsure and restless tonight !”
“Because she looks so young ?” PeterP. asked.
“Yes, that´s it !” I answered “But I like her and I don´t want her to go away. I just want to hear your opinion to my dilemma !”
“The truth ?” he asked “You want to hear the truth ?”
“Yup !” I said.
“She is old enough, mate !” PeterP said “And you should stop thinking too much ! You are in the best age a man can be in his life ! That´s all I say !”
Ja. was on her way back to our table.
I spread my arms to take her in my embrace and she didn´t hesitate to snuggle up to my body.
I guess, PeterP noticed my face expression whilst I held Ja. in my arms.
“Are you okay, mate ?” he asked.
I showed him the V-sign with my hand, whilst Ja´s perfume was hypnotizing me.
“You want go with me tonight ?” I asked her.
“Yes !” she said and gave me a vampire´s kiss on my neck… squeezing and sucking all doubts and resistances out of my mind.
I reached out with my left arm over Ja´s shoulder and grabbed PeterP´s arm again.
“Please put the bar fine for Ja. on my bill !” I said and finally surrendered to Ja´s tenderness completely.




FRIENDS… GOING SEPARATE WAYS
“Mike Shopping Mall !” Ja. said and giggled “You are my friend Mike… your name Mike Shopping Mall !”
I laughed and tickled her nacked body under the bed sheet.
It was 11:30am already and we just had a great morning session, after an almost sleepless night.
Ja. was a cute girl… still a little bit silly and playful… But that was exactly what I had expected from a girl who was just 19 or 20 years old.
She was good for me, because she had the ability to tease out my sense for the funny side of things in life and made me forget my dark thoughts of feeling guilty and of being an odd one out.
She left my room around 12:00 o´clock and I added her name to my list of Thai girls I would never forget in life.
I made the decision that I would bar fine her again before my holidays were over.

“I´m going to meet N. in one hour or so !” SamSongTom said on the phone “It will not last long. We want to visit Y. Do you remember Y. ?”
“Yes !” I answered “That´s the woman who is the owner of that beauty parlor where you used to meet up with N. to drink SangSom. It´s also the one who arranged the phone connection between you in Thailand and N. in California, two years ago !”
“Yup, that´s her !” SamSongTom said “Y. is pregnant from her Norwegian boyfriend. We want to visit her before she has to stay in a hospital for a while. But N. seems to be very busy nowadays. So, I don´t think that our social visit will take the whole afternoon. I will meet up with FiveBaht later… We have some program today, regarding the fact that we both have to travel home in three days from now. Some soapie massage sessions and Soi 6 are on our list. Do you want to join us ?”
“No, Tommysan !” I said “You know that I´m not a friend of forced sex !”
“Forced sex ?” my friend asked “What are you talking about ? Nobody will force anybody to have sex in Soi 6 ! You know for yourself that there are a lot of bars where you can sit and drink, like in Soi 7 or Soi 8 !”
“I know !” I said “But you guys will definitely go there with one special aim. But I really don´t like to sit there, drinking beer and waiting for you, whilst you both disappear one by one with some girls in a short time room. I would feel like an odd one out again, who spends an afternoon at the wrong place !”
“Hmmm… sometimes you are like an odd one out !” SamSongTom said “But it´s always yourself who turns you into an odd one out. So, you can´t complain the fact that you feel like one. It´s up to you !”
“I don´t feel like an odd one out as long as I do only that what I really want to do !” I explained “Looking for quick short times or soapie massage sessions is not what I want… as same as a relaxed night in Blues Factory or Hot Tuna, listening to Rock music only would not be what you want. Each to his own, Tommysan !”
“Each to his own !” SamSongTom said “That´s one point for you, Mikelsan !”
“I have thought about our last night´s little misunderstanding at the dolphin cycle !” I said “And about the simple truth that FiveBaht seems to make a better company for you. I suggest that we go separate ways every day and night. Which does not mean that we don´t meet together anymore somewhere on our nights out. But it would protect us from creating more misunderstandings !”
“You always made a good company for me !” SamSongTom said “Better than ThaiDancer ever was. Going separate ways is something we two always did a while after we met together here in Pattaya in the past few years. But I know what you mean. Maybe we shouldn´t start our nights out together anymore. We both know where we can find each other later, right !?”
“I have already stored some names of bars as drafts in the outbox of my mobile phone !” I said “From time to time I will SMS the name of a bar to you, whilst being on a tour through Walking Street or South Pattaya. From the moment you receive a text with a bar name from me, I will stay at least 30 more minutes in that bar !”
“Good idea !” SamSongTom said “I´ll do the same… Not to arrange a meet up, but to keep you informed !”
“Each to his own, mate !” I said.
“Yup ! Each to his own, Mikelsan !” he answered.

I spent the rest of the afternoon at the swimming pool again, relaxing on a deck chair, reading in my book and… trying to do what my friend SamSongTom had suggested to me on the day before:
Enjoying and not thinking too much of my work whilst being at a pool.
But I quickly left the place, soon after a few people with little children arrived for swimming.

Around 5:00pm I went down to Aussie Bar and I wasn´t surprised to meet SamSongTom and FiveBaht there.
Tommysan was chatting with one of the bar girls named Yo… and once again I got the feeling that he was still addicted to girls who look similar to his N.
FiveBaht told me about his new room in Eastiny Hotel and mentioned again and again that this place was so much better than Anna Jet guesthouse, especially for somebody like him who was now staying together with a girl.
I received text messages from Yogi and Sharkbait… and replied to them both, to arrange meet ups with them.
SamSongTom didn´t ask me about my plans for the night.
It was clear that he took our agreement serious, as same as I did.

At 8:30pm I jumped off the motorbike taxi that has brought me to the entrance of Walking Street, paid the driver and walked down the street, following the directions Sharkbait had given to me on the phone.
I felt great… not longer like an odd one out… just like being independent and on my own.
The bar with the funny name of “Don´t Tell Mama” was on the opposite of Tony´s Entertainment Center.
It was part of a huge complex of small beer bars, reaching deep into something that looked like a hall or hangar.
Loud music was all around and once again they played the most popular song that was getting on my nerves already, after I had heard it blarring from so many loudspeakers every night in the past three weeks:
“I want to make love now, nah, nah, nah… !”
Sharkbait was sitting at the counter and chatted with a girl.
I took my seat beside him and ordered my first MekongCoke of the night.
He introduced me as a friend of Montydog to some girls and to the Mamasan, which brought a smile into their faces.
Half an hour later, I noticed that Sharkbait had began flirting with a girl who worked in a bar behind Don´t Tell Mama.
“I know her !” he explained “One year ago she had worked here at Mama´s. I´ll go overthere to chat with her. You can join me if you want !”
“Okay !” I said “Let´s check bin here !”
The Mama´s girls accepted our decision, but asked us to return to their bar later or in the next night.
Soon after we sat down at the counter of the bar behind Mama´s I received a text message from Yogi:

I´M STAYING WITH THE WIFE IN
SIRENES COMPLEX.
MUST BRING HER TO AIRPORT SOON.
WILL STAY THERE FOR A WHILE.
WHERE ARE YOU ?

I showed the message to Sharkbait.
“That´s from Yogi !” I said “The Anna Jet forum member I told you about. But his tonight´s message is confusing. Where the hell is this Sirenes Complex ?”
“I´m more confused about the rest of the text !” Sharkbait answered “He has to bring his wife to the airport ?”
I laughed out loud.
“That´s our Yogi !” I said “A funny guy. The wife is his long time Thai girlfriend… Calling her the wife is just a punter´s self-mockery, you know… and he has to bring her back to her bar for some reasons… A bar with the name of Airport Club. But I still don´t understand what he meant with Sirenes Complex !”
Sharkbait chuckled.
“I guess he meant the Simon Complex !” he said “Maybe he forgot the correct name. Is he a German ?”
Now it was me who exploded in laughter.
“Yogi… a German ? No !” I said “By the way, do you really think that one German would send a text written in English to another German ?”
“Ah… yes !” Sharkbait said and scratched his head “How could I forget that Germans speak German only ?”
“Never mind !” I said and laughed “I´ll reply his text by giving him a comment on the sirenes. Weren´t they mythological creatures… screaming fairies or something ?”
“Greek mythology !” Sharkbait said.
“Yup, that´s it !” I said whilst typing my message.

MUST BE A VERY LOUD PLACE THIS
SIRENES COMPLEX.
LOT´S OF SCREAMING GIRLS (SIRENES).
SEE YA LATER AT AIRPORT…

Yogi´s reply came in an instant:

LOL… I´M AT AIRPORT NOW.
SEE YA…

“Do you want to come with me to this Airport Club ?” I asked.
“Forgive me, Mike !” Sharkbait answered “Please allow me to stay here a little bit longer. I´m going to bar fine this lady here and will return to my hotel soon !”
The girl who had been the reason why we had left Mama´s showed me a happy smile.
“Okay !” I said “But you´ll not be disappointed that our tonight´s meet up ends so quickly if I leave you now ?”
“No, why !?” Sharkbait said “Go ahead ! Have fun ! I´ll call you tomorrow afternoon !”
“Good !” I said and checked bin whilst Sharkbait started another Connect4 game with his lady.
I said goodbye and stood up from my chair.
But after three steps I turned around and asked Sharkbait:
“By the way… Do you know where I can find this Airport Club ?”
Sharkbait laughed.
“It´s on this side of the street !” he said “Not far from the entrance of Walking Street. You can´t miss it if you look for some girls wearing air hostess uniforms outside of the bar !”

I was impressed by Airport Club.
The interior looked like a flight cabin without seats, but with small mirrors all along the walls on both sides, which looked like the windows of an airliner.
In the centre of the tunnel-like interior was the stage with the poles, where the girls were dancing to some Dance and Trance stuff.
The waitresses looked like stewardesses.
There were jacuzzis like in What´s Up A Go Go and I couldn´t get rid of the feeling that Airport Club was either inspired by the What´s Up style or was owned by the same management like the go go bar in Soi 15.
I spotted Yogi sitting with one of the waitresses on a couch near by the jacuzzi and the top end of the stage.
I found a place to sit beside him and he introduced me to the waitress beside him, who was no one else than his long time T.luck.
It didn´t last long till I got company too.
One of the other waitresses seemed to be interested in me… and I didn´t resist against her tenderness.
In the next 45 minutes I had temporary two or three girls, waitresses and dancers, beside me, sitting on my lap or all around me.
I barely made it to text the word AIRPORT CLUB to SamSongTom´s number.
This go go bar was definitely the right place for him…
“Looks like you guys are having a great time !” I heard a voice saying to us.
I looked up and saw Tallguy standing right before us.
“Hi !” I said “A great time indeed !”
I don´t remember how long we stayed in Airport Club.
Like What´s Up A Go Go, this new bar was one of those places in Pattaya, you don´t want to leave so soon.
SamSongTom didn´t pop up in the bar and didn´t sent any message to me.
I got drunk as hell and I guess I bought too many ladydrinks for too many ladies.
After we finally left the bar and Yogi and T.luck had said goodbye, I joined Tallguy on a visit at two more go go bars… The Windmill and Misty´s.
Much later, around 3:00am I went into Insomnia Bar, where I met SamSongTom and Jt. of Party Bar.
But I did not stay there for long.
After two more VodkaNamSoms I left the bar and went straight up Walking Street to get a motorbike taxi that would bring me back to Flipper House.
On my way, I met SamSongTom´s N. on the street.
“Mike, Mike !” she shouted “I´m so happy to see you again !”
“N. !” I said and took her hands “After so many years… It´s good to see you ! You look nice with your eyeglasses… like a little school teacher !”
She smiled and embraced me.
“Where you go ?” she asked.
“Back to Flipper House !” I answered “I guess, I had enough drinks for tonight !”
“No lady for you, Mike ?” she asked.
“Not tonight, little N. !” I said “But don´t worry. I´m okay with that !”
“You are still the same old Mike like in the year when K. left you !” she said “Always running around without a girl beside you !”
“Being the odd one out… eh !?” I said and smiled “Not really ! I´m just not so restless like Tommy… and of course not so shy and quiet like old ThaiDancer !”
“You was always one of the best, Mike !” N. answered “I wish you all the luck in the world !”




CAMBODIAN GIRLS AND A LOVELY CASHIER
“I did not say anything about you, Tommysan !” I said to SamSongTom on the beach “In fact, N. hasn´t asked me for you last night… and I didn´t want to create any trouble by telling her that I had just met you in Insomnia. You were together with Jt. already and I didn´t want to create a… situation for you !”
“Nah… it wouldn´t have been a problem !” SamSongTom said with a wave of his hand. “N. knows already… and this time here in Pattaya, N. and me… we met together as friends only, to protect ourselves from developing too much of stronger feelings for each other ! By the way, I met her later, around 4:00am in Marine One… and Jt. was still with me !”
“So, N. never went back with you to Flipper House in the past few weeks ?” I asked.
“No !” my friend answered “She is a married lady. Even unhappy most of the time, it is exactly that what she wanted in life. And I can´t help her out of her misery, because my own life and the simple fact that I can´t be sure when I can return here again, lead us to the point where we made the decision that we should be just friends… nothing more and nothing less !”

SamSongTom left Jomtien Beach whilst I was under the treatment of the two masseuses again.
He did so, because he wanted to do some shopping on his last-but-one day before travelling home.
FiveBaht was on a tour to Nong Nooch tropical garden, together with his T.luck.

Almost three hours later, around 5:00pm, I went by Baht Bus back to Pattaya and decided to make a difference of my daily afternoon routine.
I didn´t go to Aussie Bar, but to Minny Bar to have my afternoon beer.
But I was amused of the sight I had when I walked towards the counter:
SamSongTom sat there with a bottle of Singha in his hand and his shopping bags under his chair.
“Mikelsan !” he said when I sat down beside him.
“Coincidence ?” I asked “Or destiny ? Looks like we can´t get rid of each other… eh !?”
“I just wanted to make a difference !” he said.
“So did I !” I said and ordered a San Miguel.
“What´s your plan for tonight ?” SamSongTom asked.
“Making a difference again !” I answered “I´m seriously thinking of going somewhere else instead of Soi 7, Soi 8 or Walking Street. We haven´t been in Soi 2, this time. I want to see the go go´s overthere again… Classroom and Honey Pot, you know !”
“Hmmm… Sounds like a good idea !” my friend said.
Neither of us both spoke for long while.
“So, what time shall we meet up for dinner ?” I asked, when the silence between us became unbearable.
“8:00 o´clock would be great !” SamSongTom said “FiveBaht has recommended Sailor Restaurant in Soi 8. Let´s check it out and after that… off to Soi 2 !”
“Great !” I said “Cheers !”
“Cheers, mate !” SamSongTom said and lifted his bottle.
My phone played a notification sound.
I took it out of my pocket and read the new message.
“Another UKBKK member has just arrived !” I said “He´s going to meet up with Sharkbait in Walking Street tonight !”
“Hmmm… what´s his name ?” my friend asked.
“Sauce !” I said “Not a frequent poster… But he made contact with me on the board already, one week before I traveled to Thailand !”
“Hmmm… !” SamSongTom said again and drank from his bottle, while I typed my reply already.
I put the phone back into my pocket, whilst it was still sending my message.
“Informed them that I can´t meet up with them tonight !” I said after another moment of silence “Will see what I can do tomorrow !”

The Farang food we had ordered in Sailor Bar & Restaurant was great.
After dinner we walked up Soi 8 and got a Baht bus that brought us to Soi 2.
I must confess, that I didn´t remember the place on Second Road where we had to get off the Baht bus.
But SamSongTom knew… and soon we reached Classroom A Go Go.
One of the girls there was celebrating her birthday and so, they offered us to eat roast pig and some salat.
Too bad that we had our dinner already.
But somehow we managed it to eat a little bit, even our stomachs were full.
One of the other pattayafans.net members was in the bar and soon SamSongTom drifted away in a chat with him, while I enjoyed the show.
I realised that the showgirls were not Thai.
Most of them were very darkskinned…
I pushed SamSongTom and informed him about that.
“Yes !” he said “I like the darkskinned ones !”
“Cambodians !” I said “I´m sure about that. Remember the girl who sat beside me last year here in this bar. I told you that she looked a little bit like MissCambodia… the girl I had bar fined in Gentlemen´s Club, back in 2007 !”
“Yes, I remember !” he said “Something was holding you back from bar fining her !”
“Yo, because it was too early on that evening and we wanted to go somewhere else !” I said “Somewhere it wouldn´t have been so nice to go there with company already !”
The birthday girl sat down beside SamSongTom and apart from her dyed blonde hair, she as well looked like a Cambodian.
I began a chat with one of the waitresses, who was not so darkskinned… but somehow I began to see Cambodians everywhere.
My phone played a notification sound again.
This time the message was from Yogi, saying that he and his T.luck were staying at Anna Jet and that Jg., the former cashier of the bar, had asked for me.
I typed a quick message back to inform Yogi that I was together with German friends in Soi 2 now and that I wasn´t sure if I would make it to Anna Jet in that night or not.

JG. IS MISSING YOU…
WANTS TO SEE YOU TONIGHT !
AND B. WANTS HER TEDDYBEAR !!!

“Oh Yogi !” I thought, before I put the phone back into my pocket and continued my chat with the waitress.
“Hey, you are right !” SamSongTom suddenly said “The birthday girl has just informed me that she is Cambodian, like most of the girls who work here !”
“So, you can check out something new tonight, Tommysan !” I said and smiled.
“Nah… It´s too early !” he said “Let´s go somewhere else !”

In the end, after we had a quick visit in Honey Pot, SamSongTom and I hit Walking Street again.
In Casanovis we both felt like going through a Dejavu…
There was a Cambodian girl dancing on one of the poles.
She looked like another girl we had seen dancing in Classroom A Go Go, two hours earlier… and she smiled to us, like she was recognizing us too.
In Club Boesche, an older bar girl with eye glasses that made her look like a teacher, seemed to be seriously interested in SamSongTom only.
My friend felt a little bit unwell with the situation, even the girl was attractive, but probably almost 40 years old already.
Before I said goodbye to SamSongTom, I guided him into Airport Club where we stayed for one hour.

Whilst SamSongTom probably went to Marine One or Insomnia, I walked all the way down Beach Road to Soi 7 and made the decision to take my last drink at Anna Jet.
Yogi and his T.luck were not longer in the bar… But I didn´t expect to meet them there at 2:00 o´clock in the morning.
Jg., the former cashier of Anna Jet, who was now doing the job of a mamasan in PeterP´s and Anna´s absence, made a fuss of me and I got the feeling that Yogi had been right with what he had texted to me a few hours earlier:
Jg. seemed to be seriously interested in me… and so, I joined the game, bought her a drink and popped the question.
“Impossible to me !” was her answer “But I really like you, Mike !”
I remembered the time she was working as a cashier and seemed to be untouchable.
There must have been a reason why she always was taboo for all customers and punters.
Maybe she was married already and just did her job in the bar, because she knew Anna or her family…
I accepted her decision not to go with me, even I didn´t understand why she tried to seduce me though.
“Mai Pen Rai !”
I was drunk anyway… and so I went back to my room in Flipper House… alone.





MISS GERMANY, JEDI KNIGHTS AND RISHATHRA
“I´m looking foreward to a quiet night !” SamSongTom said, whilst we had our breakfast in Flipper House restaurant “It´s my last night out anyway… and I have to wake up early tomorrow morning to get my taxi to the airport… And, for heaven´s sake, I don´t want to be so drunk again like last year, when I arrived at the swamp and still felt like shit after a hell of a night with Pt. in Walking Street till 5:00 o´clock in the morning !”
“Hmmm… I guess I have something for you !” I said “I have just read in the German edition of Pattaya Mail that they do a catholic christian mass in the Saint Nicholas chapel somewhere in Jomtien tonight. Might be a good idea for you to go there, because it will help you to find a little peace and quiet before you fly home… unless you have a better plan for tonight !”
SamSongTom laughed.
“I would go there, only if you would join me !” he said “Imagine the both of us sitting in a church, here in Sin City. But I have indeed a better plan !”
“What´s that ?” I asked.
“I´ll meet up with N. for dinner !” he said “You can join us if you want. After that I´ll go to Soi 6 to meet one special girl there. I have promised her to bar fine her in my last night out. She is a lovely and quiet person. So, this is definitely going to be a quiet night. No discos, no go go bars at all !”
“Okay !” I said “I´ll join you for dinner tonight. But after that I will go down to Walking Street to meet up with Yogi in FLB Bar !”
“Please give my best regards to Yogi, Sharkbait and Tallguy !” SamSongTom said “Best regards also to Anna and PeterP. I don´t think that I´ll make it to Anna Jet tonight !”
“Where is FiveBaht ?” I asked.
“I guess we can meet him and his T.luck at Aussie Bar after dinner tonight !” my friend said “He has still a little bit more time than I have. My flight goes at noon tomorrow. So I have to leave Pattaya in the morning hours. But FiveBaht´s flight goes tomorrow evening only. He has still time to party on !”

I had another lazy afternoon at Jomtien Beach, whilst SamSongTom met up with a British bar owner who was a friend of Ace.
Ace, the black girl from Munich who had been in Pattaya one year ago, had given a shopping list to SamSongTom, which he handed over to the Brit almost three weeks ago.
Now, SamSongTom had to pick up the stuff for Ace on his meet up with the Brit.

Around 8:00pm I sat with N. and SamSongTom in Pink Lady Restaurant.
N. had a sad face… and I kept myself in the background whilst SamSongTom was talking with her.
Their situation was difficult… But they both knew that there wasn´t any solution.
I couldn´t get rid of the feeling that they still loved each other.
I remembered our time together, back in the year 2004 when I visited Pattaya for the first time in my life:
ThaiDancer and J., SamSongTom and N., MekongMike and… K.
But the past was dead !
There was nothing to think about anymore… The old times would never come back.
It were our women who made their decisions that lead us men to the point in our lifes where we stood now:
J. married ThaiDancer and took full control over his life in Germany, in the same time she was cheating him… so, that he would never join us on a tour through Pattayan nightlife again.
K. prefered to escape into her religious delusions after surrendering to her health problems, telling me lies and cheating me.
And N. ?
She made the decision to marry this American guy, who was richer as SamSongTom, but who couldn´t give her the joy in life she was longing for.
I often wondered what those women were expecting from us now, after they had used and dropped us…

Soon after I arrived in FLB Bar, one of the hostesses came to me and introduced herself to me.
The music was loud and it was nearly impossible to talk and to learn more about each other.
But I allowed her to sit with me, while I was waiting for Yogi, and bought her drink.
She was a cute girl, but seemed to be farmfresh and very shy.
After I had told her my name and my nationality, she suddenly stood up from her chair and took a piece of paper and a ballpen from the counter.
She began to write… and I was wondering if this was going to be some sort of penfriendship.
After one minute she showed me the piece of paper and I read what she had written on it:

ICH KOMME AUS DEUTSCHLAND.
ICH SPRECHE EIN BISSCHEN GUT !
I´m from Germany.
I speak a little bit good !

I realised that this FLB girl wasn´t so farmfresh at all anymore and that the fact that she prefered to write on a piece of paper, was just a funny idea to communicate at such a loud place.
I smiled to her and tried to speak with her in German.
But she didn´t understand any word.
I never found out if she didn´t understand enough of my language or if the music was just too loud.
Little by little, she told me in English that she once had a German boyfriend and that she had learned some German whilst being together with him in Germany.
Yogi arrived, when the live band in FLB Bar had a break.
“Huh, what´s that !?” he said “They stop the music when I enter the bar !”
I laughed and introduced him to the hostess, who got the nickname MissGermany from me.
“Where is your T.luck ?” I asked.
“She´ll come here in half an hour or so !” Yogi answered “Have you checked Anna Jet forum in the past few days ?”
“No !” I said “Anything new ?”
“Well, yes and no !” my friend said “You know already that I´m posting some trip reports there. I have also uploaded some photos… hmmm. You got a mention in my reports… Most of it is funny talk, hmmm… MekongMike, the legend… Hope you´ll never mind !”
“Ah… I´ll have a look, tomorrow !” I said.
“Some photos with captions are online too !” Yogi explained “Too bad that I can´t make collages, like you always do. But you look great in those pictures, mate !”
“Captions ?” I asked.
“Yes !” he said “I guess PeterP, Fussychunk or Montydog had the idea. Will see what I can do when I´m back home !”
“Hmmm… I´m thinking of making some new collages when I´m back home !” I said “Maybe with us as Star Wars characters !”
Yogi laughed out loud.
“I remember that you once called me Jedi master Yogi !” he said “Do you expect me to speak like Yoda ? …Returning to Pattaya we will !”
I laughed.
“Yes !” I said “And I want to be Han Solo… with Doctor B. as princess Leia !”
“Han Solo ? You ?” Yogi asked “So, JimmyMac has to be young Anakin Skywalker… of course, before he entered the dark side. What about Kennyboy ?”
“Hmmm… Jedi master Kennyboy Kenobi !” I said after a while “Anakin Jimbo and Darth Peter. If Tallguy would be a little bit hairy I would give him the role of Chewbacca !”
“What about Fussychunk and Montydog ?” Yogi asked.
“Hmmm… Fussy !?” I said “R2-D2, because of his computer skills. I´m not sure about Monty. But with regards to the fact that Monty and Fussy travelled together so often, I think Monty should be C3-PO !”
We both laughed.
MissGermany didn´t understand why.
I put my arm around her shoulder and bought one more round of drinks for us all.
Yogi´s T.luck arrived in FLB Bar one hour later and all together we had a great time with lots of fun and laughters.
Before we left FLB Bar, I promised MissGermany that I would come back for her in the next night.
Yogi was suffering from something that seemed to be the begin of the Pattaya Fever and wanted to return to his hotel room, even it was just 11:00pm.
“That´s okay, master Yogi !” I said “I´m sure that your T.luck will take good care of you. You still have a few more days before you must travel home. It wouldn´t be so nice to be on travel whilst feeling sick. Remember Kennyboy… By the way, has Kennyboy posted anything in the past few days ? He must be back home in Scotland since a week or so already !”
“No, Kennyboy hasn´t posted anything !” Yogi said “Hope he is well. Maybe he is just busy with work now !”
“Hmmm… I hate it that internet presences always use to be so anonymous, even when we talk about friendship !” I said “Too bad that I don´t know where this Mickey´s Bar is. I would go there and ask his friends. But well, let´s give Kennyboy one more week. If he doesn´t starts posting, I´ll ask PeterP, the forum admin, to e-mail him before I travel home !”

Anna Jet was overcrowded.
They had a party there… I don´t remember if it was Friday or just a party arranged by some customers.
I passed by the bar, after I had a look for Anna, Peter and Jg. who were not there, and marched on.
I had a look at Aussie Bar… but neither SamSongTom nor FiveBaht were there.
So, I decided to make a difference again and went to Soi 8, to sit at the counter of one of the beer bars I had never visited before.
I wasn´t aware of how big the difference would become later…

After I had paid the cheap bar fine of 250 Baht, I walked hand in hand together with a girl through the Soi-Inbetween and entered Soi 7.
I was slightly drunk, but still able to wonder about the cheap bar fine and the fact that I first thought that the girl who was together with me now, was a freelancer who had come into the bar from outside.
But it doesn´t really mattered anymore… I was looking foreward to a great night.
Back in my room, the girl turned out to be a little bit shy.
Nevertheless, I managed it to convince her to take a shower together with me.
While I put of my shirt and trousers, the girl did the same… but kept her undies on, even I opened the water tap in the shower cabin already.
She just stood there… watching me.
I looked at her… ready to accept that she might has changed her mind.
I would never force a girl to do, what she doesn´t likes to do !
“Are you scared of water ?” I asked.
She shook her head and continued looking at me with a serious face.
Something was wrong !
I knew that some girls were too shy to show their body.
That´s why they used to wrap themselves into a towel or switch off the light in the room.
But this one did nothing.
She just stood there and looked.
I examined her body, just with my eyes, without touching her.
I was looking for scars caused by a motorbike accident, or birth marks, which could make a girl feel ugly.
But there was nothing to see… till I suddenly saw something through knickers… something that bulged the knickers from inside… something that reminded me of a German Bratwurst… and it looked like it was swelling up.
The girl noticed that I had just discovered her secret.
She took a deep breath.
“You like ladyboy or not ?” she asked.
Slowly I turned around and closed the water tap.
I took a towel and wrapped it around my hips, which made me look like I was wearing a Sarong.
I didn´t know what to say… So, I shook my head and stammered something like “I´m sorry !” to her.
Quickly, she turned around and left the bathroom.
“Oh shit !” I thought for myself “How can I get out of this situation, without causing some more trouble !”
I followed her and found her sitting on my bed, starring into the switched off TV set and crying silently.
I sat down beside her and neither of us spoke for a long while.
Finally, I looked at her, took her hands and said:
“I´m very sorry. I didn´t know that you are… Kathoey. But please you must understand, even I respect Kathoeys, I would never have sex with one of them !”
“Why not ?” the ladyboy asked.
“I can´t explain why !” I said “Maybe it´s because I´m Farang. There are no Kathoeys in Farang countries… at least not so pretty ones !”
“Just try !” the ladyboy said and showed me a seductive smile, even tears were still running down her cheeks “Try me ! People say I´m pretty. I can take good care, same same lady. Try something new in your life !”
“I can´t !” I said and released her hands before she got too close to me “I´ll give you 200 Baht… and then you must leave me !”
The ladyboy got up from the bed and put her clothing on.
“Mamasan will make problem me when I return to bar now !” she sobbed “I´m scared of mamasan !”
“Just tell her that you went short time !” I said and gave her two 100 Baht notes.
“She will not believe ! This happened to me before !” the ladyboy said “Can you help me, please ? I´m new in Pattaya !”
“Oh my goodness !” I thought “But well… Why not playing the game, as long as I don´t forget to be the game master !”
“Okay !” I said with a resolute voice “I´ll go with you and talk with your mamasan. Don´t worry ! I will not claim the bar fine back !”
I stood up and grabbed my trousers to get dressed.
“What will you say ?” the ladyboy sobbed “Will you tell her that you don´t like me ?”
I took the ladyboy´s hands again.
“You must trust me !” I said and looked into her eyes “This Farang here is not crazy ! I know about Thai people´s problems and I will never do anything that could cause more problems for anyone of you… it doesn´t matters if ladyboy, lady or man. Let´s have one more drink in your bar and show your mamasan and the others that we are happy people… okay !?”
The ladyboy showed me a killing smile… and five minutes later we walked hand in hand down Soi 7 and into the Soi-Inbetween.
“If only SamSongTom, Fussychunk or Montydog could see me now !” I thought for myself “Thaipan would be proud of me !”




THE RISHATHRA REPORT AND AN UNEXPECTED ENCOUNTER
“Rishathra… sexual practice outside one´s own species but within the intelligent hominoids of Ringworld !” I thought, whilst I slowly woke up, alone in my bed at 9:30am “But this is Earth, not Ringworld… and my life is not a chapter in one of Larry Niven´s science fiction novels ! The author hasn´t written anything about transvestites in his books anyway !”
I was fully awake right in the moment my mobile phone rang.
“Mikelsan, good morning !” I heard SamSongTom´s voice on the phone “Sorry to wake you up, mate. But I have a problem !”
“Problem ? What ?” I said “Where are you ?”
“I have just arrived at Suvarnabhumi and now I´m waiting in the cue to check in !” he said “Everything fine here… except that it looks like I have lost my German SIM card in Big C shopping center, where I bought the Thai card, three weeks ago !”
“Aaaargh !” I said “What do you want me to do now ?”
“Well, I asked Mister Toom´s driver to stop at Big C, so that I could ask at the AIS counter !” SamSongTom said “But the shopping center was still closed that early in the morning. Can you please go there and ask at the AIS counter if they have found something three weeks ago ? I will keep my phone switched on till boarding time, which is probably in two and a half hour from now. Would be great if you can call me back, later !”
“Okay !” I said “I´m on my way. Will give you a call later. I have to tell you my last night´s story anyway !”
“What happened to you ?” SamSongTom asked.
“Oh… nothing serious !” I said “I just made a mistake with a… girl from a bar in Soi 8. Rishathra, you know !?”
“What… eh ? Rishathra ?” my friend said “You got a ladyboy, or what ? Come on, mate… don´t tell me fairy tales !”
“No fairy tale at all !” I said “I will tell you more when I call you back !”

“You want buy Thai SIM ?” the cute girl at the AIS counter in Big C asked.
“No !” I said “I told you, that my friend bought a Thai SIM here three weeks ago. He changed his German SIM with the Thai SIM in his phone, right here at your counter. He probably forgot the German one here. I have just come here to ask you if you have found something or not !”
“Your German friend wants to buy Thai SIM ?” the girl asked “For German phone !”
“No !” I said and showed her the piece of paper on which I had written SamSongTom´s German mobile number and the name of his provider “Can you please look if you have found a SIM with this name and number on it, a Farang accidentally has left here, three weeks ago ?”
The girl studied the piece of paper for a long while.
“Sorry Sir !” she said “We no have this provider. We only have AIS. If you no like AIS you must go other shop… look for DTAC !”
“No… you don´t understand, what I´m asking for !” I said “Can you please call somebody who understands English ?”
“You want me call your friend on German number… in three weeks ?” she asked.
“Yeah, he´ll probably ask you how much you want for a short time !” I thought, but never said it loud “I bet you too hang around as a freelancer in Insomnia or Marine One whenever you are off duty… eh !?”
“Any problem, Sir ?” a Thai man behind me asked.
I turned around.
The guy looked liked business man or hotel manager.
“Well, the lady doesn´t understands me !” I said.
“No problem !” the man said “I´ll translate for you !”

Five minutes later, after I had a nice chat with the Thai man, I left Big C without SamSongTom´s SIM card.
Of course, they hadn´t found anything, three weeks ago, but promised me to call me on my Thai number in case they would find something, somewhere in a desk drawer.
I sat down on one of the rattan armchairs in front of MissOnline´s shop and dialed SamSongTom´s Thai number.
“No problem, mate !” my friend said on the phone after I had informed him of the bad luck “I´m still not sure if I have really lost it or if it is somewhere in my suitcase !”
“Bugger !” I said “Why you don´t know where you put your stuff in ?”
“Don´t be angry with me, Mikelsan !” SamSongTom said “It´s just… I hadn´t had enough time in the morning to search for it. I will give you a call as soon as I have reached home !”
“Okay !” I said “We´ll keep in touch anyway… till we meet again on ThaiDancer´s birthday party in coming August !”
“So, what about your ladyboy experience ?” he asked “I really want to hear the full story of MekongMike´s Rishathra !”
After I had told him everything, I heard only his laughter on the phone for a long while.
“Mikelsan !” he said “Looks like your transformation will be complete soon. Watch out, on your next holiday you will look for ladyboys only !”
“Bugger !” I said “Something like this will never happen ! Even I respect the ladyboys, I just don´t like the idea that one of them goes with me !”
“Ah… why you haven´t checked it out !” he asked “Maybe she, he or it could have given you a hell of a blowjob !”
“Never !” I said “Not even a handjob for me… from a ladyboy !”
“Well, the simple fact that you are referring a ladyboy as a she whilst talking about one, is an evidence that you will not send him away next time !” SamSongTom said and laughed.
“Forget it, Tommysan !” I said “But this little episode is worth to mention in a trip report on UKBKK or in my blog !”

After I had said goodbye to SamSongTom, I dialed Yogi´s number, because I was eager to tell him my Rishathra story.
“Hello !” I heard Yogi´s sleepy voice on the phone.
“Yogi !” I said “Sorry to wake you up !”
“Nah… it´s 10:30am already !” Yogi said “But T.luck is still sleeping and… I don´t feel perfectly well. The Pattaya fever, you remember !?”
“Oh, yes !” I said “Will you go to a doctor ?”
“No, no !” my friend answered “I´ll feel better in the afternoon. I just have to slow down a little bit. Will do nothing special today… just internet and maybe a quiet night at Anna Jet later !”
I laughed.
“Internet !” I said “That´s great ! Yogi I want you to post my last night´s story in your trip report on AJ Forum !”
“Your last night´s story ?” he asked “Have you entered the dark side ?”
“Yup !” I said and began to tell him everything of my little adventure.

After a late breakfast on the terrace of Pig & Whistles Restaurant in Soi 7, I was ready to go to Jomtien Beach.
But before I took my backpack out of my room, I dialed FiveBaht´s number.
I knew that he was still in town and… after I hadn´t met him in the night before, I felt the need to say goodbye to him, before a taxi would bring him to the swamp.
“Mikelsan, I´m sitting here on my luggage in Aussie Bar !” he said “My taxi will pick me up here at 3:00 o´clock afternoon. There´s still a plenty of time left to drink and chat !”
“I´ll be right there in five minutes !” I said.

“Something like this has happened to me too, but in Khao Lak last year !” FiveBaht said after I had told him my Rishathra story “It´s a nightmare for every punter who is interested in girls only !”
“So, what have you done ?” I asked.
“Well, I closed my eyes and allowed him to give me blowjob !” he said “But believe me… whilst he did his job… it wasn´t that easy for me to relax and forget that he was not a real girl. It was a nightmare… But I wasn´t in the mood to send him away, after I had bought so many ladydrinks for him and paid a 500 Baht bar fine !”
“So, the money you had spent was the main reason why you allowed him to… take care of you ?” I asked.
“Yup !” FiveBaht answered “But one ladyboy experience is enough for a lifetime, unless you prefer them instead of real girls !”
“Old beancounter !” I thought, with regards to his financial reasons of not sending the ladyboy away.
When FiveBaht left our place at Aussie Bar´s counter to go to toilet, I thought about my friend´s comments on my ladyboy experience.
I remembered a phrase I once read in the web.
A phrase that has been used by some punters, to explain why they prefered to shag ladyboys:
“Because only a man knows what a man really wants !”
It gave me the creeps !
I looked around in the bar and at the other bars near by.
It was still early afternoon… But some cuties were already there.
I thought about Soi 8… the Soi Kathoey… and I wondered how Pattaya would look like in one year from now.
“Is Rishathra going to be the new trend here in Pattaya, when I return here next year ?” I thought for myself “Will I be like an odd one out again… next time, because I decline to shag a ladyboy ?”
Once again I made the decision that it was better to be in the world, but not of it.
Being an odd one out wasn´t so bad, as long as I could sit in a bar by afternoon time already and ogle the waitresses behind the counter.
Secretly I switched my phone to camera mode and took a photo of the girls who were playing a card game on the other side of the bar.
“Nice legs !” I thought for the girls who showed me their backside only.
I stored the picture and thought about a way how I could use it to illustrate a future blog entry.
I ordered one more San Miguel for me and a drink for FiveBaht´s T.luck who had just arrived in the bar.

While we were waiting for FiveBaht´s return from the toilet, one of the Aussie Bar girls came to me and said:
“This man overthere says that he knows you and that your name is Mike !”
“Yes, that´s me !” I said and glanced to the other end of the counter.
Right opposite of me, was a man who looked at me and smiled.
I recogniced his face.
But my mind told me that it was absolutely impossible to meet him right here, right now.
“Kennyboy !” I said with a loud voice and got the feeling that the surprise would let me fall backwards from my chair.





…to be continued !

Be In the World... But Not Of It !

GOOD MORNING… DOCTOR !
“Mike, Mike... Oh, Mikeeee !” I heard the woman on Doctor B.´s phone screaming.
“Mike, Mike, Mike…. Mikeeeee !”
Her voice was so loud, that B. had to hold her phone almost 30 centimetres away from her ear.
“She is crazy !” B. said “Very crazy !”
I smiled.
“I like crazy girls !” I said.
“Hmmm… yes !?” B. said “Because you crazy same same… eh !?”
“Do I know her ?” I asked.
“No !” was B.´s quick and resolute answer.
“Hello ?” we heard the woman´s voice on the phone, now not longer screaming.
B. put the phone back on her ear and said something in Thai with a harsh voice.
I didn´t understand any word.
But it sounded like B. was asking the “crazy” Thai lady on the phone something like:
“Are you finished now ?”
The caller hadn´t woken us up, because it was 11:30am already and we were getting ready to go outside.
“My friend is calling me !” B. had said after she looked on the display of her phone, that had just began playing the song that was so popular amongst all the Pattaya girls nowadays: “I want to make love now, nah, nah, nah… !”
What followed after B. had pushed the button to receive the call, was the usual Thai girl babble on the phone, which could last a long time.
A time in which a Farang (customer, sponsor, lover or whatever) better keeps quiet, leaves the room, takes a shower, makes a piss or gets himself a beer.
But B. had grabbed my arm… kept me captive, wanted me to stay… sitting on the bed beside her, from where she could easily snuggle up to me, in some sort of extended leave-taking ceremony that was lasting for an hour or so already.
An hour in which Doctor B. had told me everything about herself… from her childhood in the village to the day she began working at Anna Jet for the first time in her life.
But now, after B.´s chat with her friend on the phone had begun, all these things seemed to be forgotten.
I noticed that B. had mentioned my name during the chat, obviously to inform her friend that she was still together with a customer… A customer with the name of Mike.
Well, that was just seconds before the caller began to freak out.
“Mike, Mike… Mikeeeeeeee !”
There was no doubt that the caller knew me… and that she was another bar girl… a friend of Doctor B., probably from Anna Jet.
Two minutes later, when B. had finished the call, I asked again:
“Do I know her ?”
“No !” was B.´s answer again “You can not know everybody !”
“But she seems to know me !” I said “So, I probably know her too !”
“No !” B. said again “Not good for you !”
“Ah !” I said “Well, thanks for the warning !”
B. giggled and took my hands.
“You crazy Farang, you know that !?” she said.
“Yes !” I answered and smiled.
“But you good man too !” B. said with a more serious voice “I like you very much !”
“Why ?” I asked.
B. embraced me.
“Because you listen my story !” she whispered in my ear “And you understand me so much. You not crazy… sorry, I mean joking when I say you crazy… okay !?”
“Okay… ayko !” I said.
B. giggled.
“Ayko ?” she said “You never forget lady… eh ? Lady name N2 ! She always said ayko instead of okay. She told me she learn from you !”
“N2 !” I said “She is not longer working at Anna Jet. I haven´t heard from her since last year… How is she doing ?”
“She is living a happy life now !” B. answered “I can not tell you more !”
“Okay !” I said “Give my best regards to her, next time you see her or talk with her on the phone !”
“Ayko !” B. answered and laughed.
I got up from the bed to have a look into my suitcase to find my wallet.
“There is another one coming to Thailand soon !” B. said whilst I took my trousers out of the suitcase “Someone you know… someone you love !”
“Who´s that ?” I asked.
“Jg, the cashier will tell you soon !” B. explained “Jg makes phone calls with her very often… and sometimes the one you love calls Jg from America !”
“Love, love… the one I love !” I said “Whom do I love… and who loves me ? America ? Did you say America ? Are you saying that F. comes back to Thailand ?”
“Yes !” B. said “For holidays. Don´t know if her man comes too or not. But F. will stay in Pattaya for Songkran. You will be here for Songkran, Mike ? Same same every year ?”
“No !” I said “Not this time !”
“Why not ?” B. asked.
“I can not !” I said “I must go back to work !”
“Why you can not make holiday longer ?” B. asked “Call your boss and say that you want make holiday longer !”
“Impossible !” I said and laughed “I have my four weeks now… earlier than in the years before. And after that, I must return home !”
“Why ?” B. asked again.
“Oh, little B. !” I said “It´s not that easy. For what reason should I take the risk of trouble with my employer ?”
“For F. !” B. said “She not forget you… she never will !”
“Oh, my goodness !” I said “Do you really want me to believe this ?”
“Don´t know !” she said “It´s up to you !”
“Yup !” I said “That´s it !”
I finally found my wallet where I had left it in the night before and took it out of the trouser pocket.
B. got up from the bed, came to me and embraced me.
“Wow !” I said “Looks like money is still a girl´s best friend… eh !?”
“No !” B. said “You are my best friend !”
While B. covered my face with kisses, I opened the wallet and saw that there was only one 1000 Baht note left in it.
“Oops !” I said “Last night in Pattaya was just great !”
B. looked into my wallet.
“No money anymore ?” she asked “I not steal money you !”
“I know !” I said and smiled “I still remember how much we spent in your bar last night. It´s just a shame that there is only 1000 Baht left with me now, because I wanted to give you some extra !”
“You don´t need to do so !” B. said “You keep this money and give me next time you come Anna Jet !”
“No, no, no !” I said and took the note out of my wallet “No lady ever leaves my room without some money from me !”
“But Mike ! You need money too !” B. said “You must eat and drink !”
I laughed.
“Oh, Doctor B. ! There is an ATM at the entrance of Flipper House !” I said “And I have still some Euro in my deposit box downstairs at the reception. I just need to take it from there and bring it to the exchange booth on Second Road. But here… just take this 1000 Baht from me. I´ll give you another tip when I come to Anna Jet tonight !”
B. took the money out of my hand.
“Are you sure, Mike ?” she asked.
“Yes, T.luck !” I said “Don´t worry !”
“You call me when problem comes, Mike !” B. said “I mean… when ATM not working or money exchange is closed… I give you money back !”
I laughed and embraced her.
“Oh my dear B. !” I said “My cute little Doctor B. ! Don´t worry about me. There´ll be no problem. Tommy is still here, do you remember !? We always use to help each other in case of problems !”
“Okay !” B. said and put the money into her handbag quickly.
“But… !” she said “You have given me so much already, Mike !”
“When ?” I asked.
“Everytime you come to Pattaya !” she explained “You always give me so much… not only money. You remember we sit together in the bar ? You, F. and me… long time ago… watching people on the street. Making fun about Farang men !”
“Yes I remember !” I said “That was funny !”
“I think you are more on ladies´side than on Farang men´s side !” B. said.
“Oh, I´m not always on anybody´s side, because nobody is always on my side !” I answered.
B. looked at me with a serious face expression.
“I´m on your side !” she said after a while.
“Yes, I know T.luck !” I said “Let´s go downstairs for breakfast. But remember, down in the restaurant… you must check bin for us ! Ayko ?”



WELCOME BACK… FIVEBAHT !
After I had managed it to add the cost of our breakfast to my hotel bill which I had to pay on my check-out day, I kissed Doctor B. for goodbye and went to the reception to get my deposit box.
B. smiled to me whilst she was waiting for her ID card at the security officer´s desk, opposite of the reception counter.
She was one of those girls in Pattaya, I called my friends… and she knew exactly that I had made a joke and that I never wanted her to pay for the breakfast we had together.
Even I had the chance to see B. one time in a year only, I always had all the fun in the world with her… and it never really mattered if I had bar fined her or just chatted with her in the bar.
I took a 200 Euro note out of my box and showed it to Doctor B. !
“You give me now !” she shouted and laughed… for the amusement of the security officer who finally found B.´s ID card amongst all the other cards he was still keeping.
While B. left the building, I began a chat with Jackorino of Flipper House.
A few minutes later, I went outside and up Soi 7, to go to the exchange booth on Second Road.
The sky was covered with clouds and it looked like it was the begin of another rainy day.
“Just internet and some afternoon drinks at Aussie Bar before getting ready for another great night !” I thought.
On my way back from the exchange booth, I passed by Anna Jet and… stopped in an instant !
There were two familiar faces at the bar´s counter.
First I spotted DR, the Italian expat I knew from my previous trips.
Second, the tall figure of a Kraut´s backside: FiveBaht was there,- talking to somebody behind the counter… probably discussing his further stay in the guesthouse.
I went into the bar and DR showed me a big smile.
“Mike !” he said “Welcome back ! Just when I thought that you´ll travel to India instead to Thailand this year !”
“Hi DR !” I said “Nice to meet you again. But excuse me for a second. There´s another guy I have to meet as well !”
I placed my hand on FiveBaht´s shoulder, whilst he was still talking with the woman behind the counter.
“You bring bad weather with you to Pattaya !” I said “From wherever in Thailand you had come last night !”
FiveBaht turned around.
“Mikelsan !” he said with a loud voice and gave me a bear hug “I´m glad to see you ! How is going mate ?”
“Great… so far !” I said “Nice to meet you again… here in Fun Town !”
I introduced FiveBaht to DR, when the rain clouds outside began to release their loads.
We decided to stay at Anna Jet, at least till the rainfall was over, and ordered a few cokes.
PeterP entered the bar and looked at us.
“I´m surprised. It´s definitely not your time of the day DR !” he said “Hey Mike ! You as well ! What are you doing here that early a day ?”
DR and I pustoned a salute to PeterP, like soldiers do… like we did so many times before, to make fun with the boss of Anna Jet.
“By your command !” I said.
“Aaaargh !” PeterP said “What´s wrong with you guys ? As far as I can see you are drinking soft drinks only !”
“Well, it´s still early !” I said “But you can join us if you want. Fancy a glass of milk ?”
“No, no ! Not now !” PeterP answered “I´m here, because I have some work to do. I´m a business man, you know !?”
“Aaaargh !” I said “Some work to do ? That sounds like you are one of the cleaners !”
“What ?” PeterP asked.
“Never mind !” I answered and we both laughed.
Later, I walked down Soi 7 together with FiveBaht.
I recommended Pink Lady Restaurant on Beach Road to him, because he wanted to go for a late breakfast.
But I went back into Flipper House to visit MissOnline´s shop.
Around 5:00pm I met FiveBaht and SamSongTom in Aussie Bar, for our usual afternoon beers.
FiveBaht told us about Anna Jet Guesthouse.
A good place with reasonable prices to stay for a few days, even the construction site of Flipper House´s new wing was much closer than it appears to be to my room.
“I could make shake-hands with the workers when I open my window !” he said “It´s very noisy out there. Impossible to sleep long in the morning !”
“I guess you just need to keep the door of your room open !” SamSongTom said “Only a matter of time till one of the Anna Jet girls would understand this as an invitation !”
“Nah !” FiveBaht said “I had company already. One of the Anna Jet girls I met downstairs in the bar, soon after I had checked in and had my first beer !”
“I wonder why we haven´t met together in the bar last night !” I said “I spent much time in there before I went back to Flipper House !”
“Well, that´s strange !” FiveBaht said “I´ve asked for you… and everybody in the bar seemed to know you. The cashier told me that you had just left the building together with an Anna Jet girl… just minutes before I arrived there. Looks like you are a frequent customer in that bar !”
“Yup !” I answered.
“Mikelsan is a real Anna Jetter !” SamSongTom said.
“Yup !” I said again “Nothing wrong with that… eh !?
“So, who was the girl who went with you ?” FiveBaht asked “Would you recommend her to me ?”
“Doctor B. !” SamSongTom said “Mikelsan´s special… hmmm, therapist !”
“No, I never recommend any girl to anybody !” I said “They are humans, you know !? And they have the right to choose by themselves with whom they will go out of the bar !”
“Mikelsan is addicted to Doctor B. !” SamSongTom said.
“Doctor… who ?” FiveBaht asked “Why the hell you call her Doctor ?”
“Ah, that´s a long story !” I said.
“Mikelsan is on his best way to win the first price of the Anna Jet bar fine contest !” SamSongTom explained “Because he is addicted, not only to Doctor B., but also to a few others… especially to a little angel. His transformation is going on… But nobody knows in which direction it will go !”
“I can only hope that your so called transformation will not lead me into Rishathra !” I added.
SamSongTom laughed.
“Transformation ?” FiveBaht asked “I remember that you´ve talked about Mike´s transformation last year already, when we met together here. What is this all about ?”
“Another long story !” I answered “Just some bollox from Tommysan´s world !”
“Ah… what you meant with Rish… whatever ?” he asked.
“Rishathra !” I said “Falling for a ladyboy !”
“Aaargh !” FiveBaht said “You better stay with your Doctor B. !”
“I´ll be back in Anna Jet tonight !” I said “Yogi has texted me in the morning. He wants to meet up with me there around 9:00pm !”
“Yogi ?” FiveBaht asked “Who´s that ? Your religious leader ?”
I chuckled and imagined Yogi as a Jedi master, like Yoda in Star Wars.



CARRY ON… KENNYBOY !
The plan was set and I didn´t meet up with FiveBaht and SamSongTom again after dinner.
I made my way straight up Soi 7 and into Anna Jet, to meet Yogi there… hopefully to catch up with SamSongTom and FiveBaht again later.
Thus would have fitted well to Yogi´s plan of meeting up at Anna Jet and starting a little go go bar tour from there, which would lead us to this mysterious Airport Club in Walking Street, where Yogi´s new T.luck was working.
But making plans in Pattaya was useless…
I sat down at one of the tables in the bar around 8:45pm and had a look around.
I didn´t expect to see Nang Far again… But I spotted O. and a few others who attracted my attention.
But suddenly I spotted another familiar face, right beside me at another table:
The guy showed me a big smile.
“Kennyboy !” I shouted “Where have you been all the time ?”
I moved over to him.
The drinks mistress noticed that and brought my MekongCoke to my new place.
“Well, what can I say ?” Kennyboy said with his nice scottish accent, which was just interesting for a language learner like me “I´ve been together with my friends at Mickey´s Bar… and I must confess that I didn´t feel so well in the past few days. So, I didn´t do much of bar hopping and mongering !”
“Oh, what´s wrong with you ?” I asked “Did you go to a doctor ?”
“No !” he answered “It´s just… nothing ! Don´t know what´s wrong… I´m travelling home, day after tomorrow anyway !”
“Day after tomorrow already ?” I said “Looks like you had a bad holiday… eh !?”
“It was just okay !” Kennyboy said “Met a lot of friends here, including you. But too bad… I haven´t met Yogi !”
“You´ll have the unique chance to meet him tonight !” I said “Right now !”
Kennyboy looked at me with a confused face expression.
“There he´s coming !” I said and pointed to the bar´s entrance.
Yogi showed me a big smile and came over to our table… not without making some fun with the girls at the entrance.
“Yo mate !” he said when he sat down on one of the chairs in front of us “How´s going ?”
“Great !” I said “Meet our fellow board member… the great Kennyboy !”
Yogi shook Kennyboy´s hand.
“Finally we meet together !” he said.
“Oh, what a great sight !” I heard PeterP´s voice behind me “The three most frequent posters of AJ Forum sitting together in our bar !”
“If only JimmyMac would be here too !” I said.
“Ah, Jimbo will be back soon. More often than you !” PeterP said when he arrived at our table “The question is: When can I welcome you guys again, this year or next year ?”
“We are here right now !” I answered “Don´t know about my next trip !”
“And I have to go home, day after tomorrow !” Kennyboy said “I don´t think that I´ll have another night out tomorrow, because I have to be at the airport early on the next morning. I´m wearing my last shirt anyway… Nah, I´m joking !”
“Joking about the early wake up time or about your last shirt ?” Yogi asked.
We all laughed.
“Cheers lads !” I said and lifted my glass “It´s good to be here. It doesn´t matters what shirt we wear or how many times we will be back here in future, before we fall to pieces. It´s the here and now that counts… Nothing else matters in life !”
“Cheers !” my friends said.
PeterP ordered one more round and Anna joined us.
One hour later, Yogi´s plan to go on a go go bar tour seemed to be forgotten.
Kennyboy and I got company.
Doctor B. was back and I kept my promise.
I went over to her and gave her a 500 Baht tip.
Thus encouraged her to sit down beside me and as time was passing by, it became clear that I would bar fine her again in this night.
Kennyboy got attracted by a darkskinned pole dancer and it didn´t last long till she was sitting beside him.
Yogi was roaming through the bar, taking photos with his camera.
First, I was wondering about the fact that he seemed to be not so interested in any particular girl, who would take good care of him.
But his enthusiastic descriptions of the girl he met in Airport Club were holding me back from asking him for his reasons.
“She´s not working there tonight !” he said “Got an SMS from her two hours ago… Don´t know where she is now !”
“Guess !” I thought, but never said it loud.
Yogi knew the rules… No need to poke in open wounds, by speaking out loud what I was thinking.
It was 1:30am already when Kennyboy said goodbye and was about to leave the bar, without bar fining the pole dancer.
I understood that he had his reasons for not taking a girl with him.
I knew how bad the Pattaya Fever could strike us, because I experienced it many times already on my trips.
But I didn´t suspect that Kennyboy´s story was running much deeper as we all (Kennyboy himself included) could have imagined in that night and that his problems were worse than any sort of Pattaya Fever...
And… I couldn´t know that I would meet him again, sooner as expected and still during this holidays.
So, I gave him a bear hug.
“Carry on Kennyboy !” I said “Remember that night ! It was good to meet you here. I´m sure you´ll feel better soon and that you´ll be ready for your next holidays ! Have a pleasant flight home and keep in touch with us on the board ! Godspeed !”



HI… MAC !
“Isn´t it interesting for you to look at your bar from here ?” Mac, the boss of Mac´s Bar, opposite of Anna Jet, asked Doctor B. “A completely different point of view, isn´t it !?”
B. smiled and said “Yes !”
“Mac !” I began “I´m very sorry for not giving your bar a visit earlier ! You know how things are for a tourist in Pattaya: Too many bars, too many girls and too much tensions every night !”
Mac laughed.
“Don´t worry, Mike !” he said “All that counts is that you have fun and that you enjoy your holidays. I know that Anna Jet always was your and your friends´ meeting point. Don´t think too much ! PeterP is a good friend… and I knew that sooner or later I would welcome you here as well !”
“Cheers, Mac !” I said “I´ll try my best to visit your bar more frequently in future !”
“Looks like you always get the most beautyful girls in Pattaya !” Mac said and B. showed him a big smile “I spotted you many times together with some stunners in the past two weeks. On the motorbike taxi, or walking hand in hand with a girl down Soi 8 !”
“Well, I always try my best !” I answered and looked at Doctor B.
Mac followed my looks and said: “I´m sure that B. will never mind if we talk such things, Mike. She is long enough in the business to understand how things go. Unless… your affair with her has already turned out to become something more than an affair !”
B. giggled.
“Teddybear !” she said.
“What ?” Mac asked.
“I´m her big Teddybear again !” I explained “For the second time on this holidays !”
The DJ of Anna Jet played the Cha Cha Slide again, and for a moment I expected to see PeterP dancing at the entrance of the bar, like he did in Montydog´s YouTube video.
But instead of PeterP, I spotted Yogi, still roaming around in the bar and taking photos.
He looked at us, smiled and showed me a thumbs-up gesture.
“By the way… !” I said “Where is Pm ? You remember the tall girl who worked here in your bar, Mac. The one I bar fined during Songkran last year !?”
“Oh… Pm !” Mac said “A nice girl. Unfortunately she stopped working after Songkran. I guess the man who came for her after you, is still sponsoring her. I´m sure that she is doing well… even I have never heard from her again !”
“If you ever meet her again… Please give my best regards to her !” I said “She really was a great lady !”
“Yo !” Mac said “And I remember your face expression when I asked you, after you had paid the bar fine, if you were sure or not that she was a lady… because she was so tall !”
I laughed out loud.
“Yes, yes !” I said “I remember. But the ladyboy experience is something I haven´t had so far… and I´m really not eager to check it out in future !”
“You should have seen your own face, mate !” Mac said “First happy and full of anticipation… and then suddenly, after I had asked you the question, you had a very frightened look !”
“Not frightened ! Just confused !” I said “After all… and after I had paid the bar fine, I would have gone through it. I would have given her, him… it… a generous tip and after that, I would have started to run for the hills !”
“I believe you, Mike !” Mac said “We talked about all this before. I mean… the way how we Farangs should respect the Thai ladies and… well, the third gender. Which does not mean that we should get involved in any activities we normaly don´t like !”
“Being in the world, doesn´t means that we always have to be part of it !” I said “Some Buddhist wisdom: Be in the world, but not of it ! As for my part I can tell you, that Rishathra is definitely not my cup of tea !”
“Rish… what ?” Mac asked.
“Sexual intercourse with an alien humanoid lifeform !” I explained “No Buddhist wisdom ! Just some science fiction stuff !”
Mac´s laughter sounded through the night.



GOOD EVENING… PATTAYA FANS !
On the following afternoon, two hours after Doctor B. had left Flipper House, I sat down on my deck chair at Jomtien Beach and began to read in my book.
Half an hour later, SamSongTom and FiveBaht arrived.
Somehow I felt a little bit like being the odd one out, while I listened to my friends´ discussion of Soi 6 and the massage parlours.
For some reasons, I wasn´t interested in all this and so I declined to join them on a tour to those places, which they were planning for the next day.
As longer I was staying in Pattaya, as more I began to feel like a neutral bystander or like an observer.
“Be in the world, but not of it !”
It was difficult to explain my habits to FiveBaht and SamSongTom.
I just felt happy to be in Pattaya… I never got bored of all the madness around me… But I had my own way to enjoy nightlife.
A fact, that might was difficult to understand for my friends.
But I was willing to join them on a night out and on a meet up with some other Germans of the pattayafans.net forum.
It was our plan to meet up with two of them, around 8:00pm, in an Austrian restaurant with the name of Domicil on Second Road.
Around 4:00pm I received an SMS from Sharkbait who had just arrived in Pattaya and was looking forward to a meet up with S1xer and Tallguy in a bar near by Queen Victoria Inn in Soi 6.
I texted my reply to him and explained that I couldn´t make it to join them, because I already had plans for the night, with regards to my German friends.
I received Sharkbait´s next message, soon after we arrived in Aussie Bar in Soi 7:
NO PROBS MIKE !
I´M LOOKING FORWARD TO
MEET YOU TOMORROW.
The dinner in Domicil was great !
But once again I felt like being the odd one out, because the two other Germans were on the same wave-length like SamSongTom and FiveBaht.
Was there no other fun in the world, beside having clean and unrestrained sex, two or three times a day ?
After dinner we went, all together, down Soi 8 and into Party Bar, where SamSongTom and I got a warm welcome from “our” girls, PL and Jt.
I realised that the bar seemed to be boring for FiveBaht… and I was amused when he began to study the bar´s menu.
The old beancounter he still was… Always checking the prices in a bar !
I didn´t listen to him when he started to discuss the prices with one of the other Krauts.
FiveBaht didn´t understand SamSongTom´s and my habit to buy lots of lady drinks all the time.
Another reason for not listening to him, were the incoming messages from Yogi on my phone:
I´M AT AJ NOW.
BUT WILL LEAVE IN ONE HOUR
TO MEET MY LADY IN AIRPORT CLUB.
WILL YOU COME HERE ?
WHAT´S YOUR PLAN FOR TOMORROW ?
I texted back to explain him where I was… that I would come to Anna Jet later, and that I was looking forward to meet up with Sharkbait on the next day.
SHARKBAIT ?
HIS NAME REALLY IS SHARKBAIT… ?
LOL…
WHY IS THAT ?
WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM WHILST SWIMMING
IN THE SEA ?
I wrote in my reply, that Sharkbait was just his board name at UKBKK and that I didn´t know why he had chosen it.
And I informed him that I would come to Anna Jet soon, unless the German pattayafans.net members had another idea… which I didn´t expect from them in that night.
AIN´T WE ALL PATTAYA FANS ?
COME OVERHERE… B. WANTS HER
TEDDYBEAR !
AND I WOULD BE GLAD TO MEET YOUR
FRIENDS.
Soon after we had left Party Bar, I suggested to meet Yogi at Anna Jet and to follow him to Airport Club in Walking Street.
Once again, it was SamSongTom who wanted to go straight to Walking Street, without a stop over at Anna Jet.
And FiveBaht also seemed to be not interested in Anna Jet or in making the acquaintance with Yogi.
The two other Krauts said nothing.
So, I made my decision:
I said goodbye to my fellow Krauts and went back to Soi 7… only to find out that Yogi had just left Anna Jet, after he had received a call from his T.luck.
But I didn´t regret my decision.
I wasn´t on the same wave-length like the Pattayafans…
So, I sat down in the bar, had a few MekongCokes, chatted with PeterP and the girls, and spotted Nang Far sitting together with a fat Farang in his 60ties.
Doctor B. wasn´t in the bar.
For a moment I was thinking about going to Walking Street on my own, to catch up with Yogi in Airport Club or with the Krauts somewhere else.
But the booze was already doing it´s work and so I decided to stay in Anna Jet a little bit longer and to return to my hotel room… alone.
Nang Far looked like a little angel again.
She didn´t do any dancing… and I got the feeling that she wasn´t working, but was bar fined for a long time, probably for the rest of this mature Farang´s holidays.
“Another one who believes that he has a girlfriend now !” I thought “Hope he will pay her in a generous way !”
I returned to my room around 1:30am and felt more than slightly drunk.
After taking a shower, I had a look on the display of my phone.
One new message was in my inbox.
I read it:
ARE YOU IN PATTAYA ?
MY FRIEND THINKS SHE SEE YOU
IN SOI DIANA.
“I haven´t been in Soi Diana this time !” I thought “Who are you ?”
My phone knew the sender of this message, because her name and number was still in my phone book.
I scrolled down the text and read the name:
SA… MissCambodia !



YO… SHARKBAIT !
“I don´t know how she came to know that I´m back in Pattaya !” I said to SamSongTom on the phone “She said that one of her friends has spotted me on the street a few days ago ! But something is strange !”
“What´s so strange ?” SamSongTom asked.
“Well, she said that her friend has seen me walking down Soi Diana !” I said “I haven´t been in Soi Diana this time !”
“Bah… bollox !” my friend said “Just bar girl´s babble. Don´t think too much about it ! What are you going to do now ?”
“Nothing !” I answered “First I didn´t reply her text, because I was too drunk last night. But I have called her in the morning… and she told me that she is staying at her place in Prachinburi right now. But that she would come down to Pattaya in case I want to see her again !”
“Nah… She should stay where she is !” SamSongTom said with a loud voice “After all you´ve gone through with her… Remember what you´ve told me about her behavior during last year´s Songkran… That she made contact with you on the phone many times, but seemed to be too drunk always to meet up with you. You also told me that she said that she was living together with a man now… And the simple fact that she still has the same phone number like back in the year 2007 when you met her in Gentlemen´s Club, is a unique proof that she got sponsored already and that she has a boyfriend, husband or whatever who is filling her up with money. Most of the Thai girls are unable to top up their cards frequently… and so they have to get new cards and new phone numbers from time to time, as soon as they have money !”
“She is not Thai, but Cambodian !” I said “But you are right, Tommysan ! She still is a bar girl. It doesn´t matters to me… But I always had my problems to accept that she is so tiny. Can´t imagine myself spending nights and days together with her all the time for the rest of my holidays. So, I lied to her and explained that I´m travelling together with friends and that I can´t take her with me every day. She accepted it and said goodbye… not without mentioning that she hopes to meet me again… next year !”
“Well done, Mikelsan !” SamSongTom said “Who knows how badly she has changed ? As far as I understand, you haven´t met her again since November 2007… and her behaviors on the phone during last year´s Songkran were not so nice !”
“I guess we can close the MissCambodia file !” I said “What´s next ? What are we going to do today !”
“It´s pissing all down outside !” SamSongTom said “FiveBaht will leave Pattaya on the same day as I will… just a few hours later. Just six more days and holidays are over. We will try to make the best out of it. I´m going to Soi 6 together with him in one hour from now. Tonight we´ll have a look on Beach Road… The Pattaya Music Festival begins tonight !”
“Okay !” I said “I´ll go to Big C and Mike Shopping Mall. Even I´ll have one more week in Pattaya after you guys are on your way back home, this rainy day is a good day to do some shopping. Let´s meet up for a late afternoon drink in Aussie Bar, around 5:00pm !”
The rainfalls ended by late afternoon time.
We met together in Aussie Bar as planned.
At 5:30pm I received a call from Sharkbait.
“Hi Mike !” he said “Fancy an afternoon drink ? Where can I find you ?”
“I´m here in Aussie Bar, Soi 7, together with two German friends !” I answered “Just come overhere !”
“Hmmm… I know Soi 7 !” Sharkbait said “But I never heard of Aussie Bar. Where exactly in Soi 7 is it ?”
“Opposite of Flipper House Hotel !” I explained “I guess you know where Anna Jet is. If you come from Second Road, just look to your left, pass by Anna Jet and the construction site… the next building is Flipper House. Aussie Bar is a small beer bar, diagonally left opposite of the hotel !”
“Okay !” Sharkbait said “Will do my best to find you. How can I identify you ?”
“Look for three Krauts sitting together at the counter !” I said “I´m the one with eye glasses and who is wearing a sleeveless white shirt and jeans shorts ! I will keep my eyes open for you !”
“So, if you see a guy with a blue shirt who looks lost… that´s me !” Sharkbait said and laughed.
“Who was that ?” SamSongTom asked when I put my phone back into my pocket.
“Another UKBKK board member !” I said “Sharkbait !”
“Shark-bite ?” SamSongTom asked.
“No… Shark-bait !” I said and translated the word into German for him.
He laughed.
“Those island monkeys have strange names !” he said “How can you identify him ?”
“I will look for a guy with a blue shirt !” I answered.
20 minutes later, Sharkbait walked towards Aussie Bar, and even he was really wearing a blue shirt, he didn´t look lost at all.
Even from 10 metres distance we both recognized each other, like when the letters UKBKK were written on our foreheads.
“Yo… Sharkbait !” I said when he arrived.
“MekongMike ?” he said “Nice to meet you !”
I introduced SamSongTom and FiveBaht to him.
“Interesting to meet the people you´ve described in your blog stories !” Sharkbait said “And the best place for this is here, on location, in Pattaya !”
A few minutes later it appeared to be that SamSongTom and FiveBaht continued their chat in German, whilst I chatted with Sharkbait in English.
We drifted away in our discussion about Thailand, bars and UKBKK for a very long time, until SamSongTom and FiveBaht left Aussie Bar to get ready for the night.
“I´m on a double-barreled tour this time !” Sharkbait said “I´ll travel on to Australia in a few days from now, to visit friends overthere. But I´ll return to Pattaya when Songkran is over !”
“Good idea !” I said “I know that you Brits are all so scared of water !”
Sharkbait laughed.
“I must confess that I´m a little bit disappointed of the Queen Victoria Inn, this time !” he said “Even the rooms are nice, they have a bad cockroach problem in the bathrooms. I´m now looking for another hotel for the time after I have returned from Australia. How is your hotel, Mike ?”
“Well, beside the noisy construction site in the neighbourhood and the useless green curtain in front of the windows and balconies… it is still nice !” I said “The rooms are simple… no decorations at all. The pictures of Queen Vic´s rooms I have seen on their website look much better than Flipper House´s rooms. But this cockroach problem would hold me back from booking a room there, because sometimes I sleep alone and have no use for Issan food !”
“Yes !” Sharkbait said and laughed “I think the same ! I´m now collecting e-mail addresses of other hotels, to make an online booking with one of them whilst I stay in Australia. Have you ever been in any other hotel here in Pattaya ?”
“No !” I said “But you can get some informative brochures and cards at Flipper House´s reception !”
Much later, when we both felt slightly drunk, I guided Sharkbait into the lobby of Flipper House and took one of the brochures from the reception counter to hand it over to him.
“Thanks, Mike !” he said “I will consider it. Hope to meet you again in the next few days. I´ll return to the Queen Vic now to get ready for the night. There is a lady waiting for me in Soi 6 !”
“Oh !” I said “Don´t let her wait for too long ! There are some Krauts out there who have a serious interest in the Soi 6 girls !”
10 minutes later I was back in my room, took a shower, got dressed for the night and glanced at my watch.
It was 8:30pm already and I felt hungry.
I texted SamSongTom to ask where to meet up later.
His reply came in 2 minutes later:
WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO HOTTIES BAR.
PT HAS A PARTY… JOIN US… BRING SHARKY
WITH YOU !
I replied by SMS and asked him about their plan to visit the Pattaya Music Festival on Beach Road.
TOMORROW ! was my friend´s simple answer.
I informed him that I had no intention to come to Hotties Bar, but that I would have a look on Beach Road instead.
SamSongTom did not send any reply.



CARRY ON… MASTER YOGI !
The fried rice seemed to jump up and down on my plate.
It was a bad idea to go for dinner at Pink Lady Restaurant on the first night of the Pattaya Music Festival.
There was one of the stages and some huge loudspeakers right opposite of the restaurant.
It was still quiet when I arrived there.
But now, a Thai band began to play it´s first song.
Pink Lady´s position on this side of Beach Road wasn´t the best to enjoy music.
All I heard where basses, drums and droning… and I felt like sitting inside one of those loudspeakers.
“Desaster Area !” I thought “Douglas Adams must have had a similar experience when he got the idea for Desaster Area… the Rock band he later described in his Hitchhiker´s Guide To The Galaxy !”
Beach Road was totally overcrowded and it seemed to me that the artists still had no program, beside shouting and making sound-checks all the time.
For my amusement, the people who came to visit the Music Festival seemed to enjoy all this.
After 30 minutes of walking up and down Beach Road through all the scramble of Thais and Farangs, I escaped into Soi 8 and gave Party Bar a visit.
The bar was dead quiet and neither PL. nor SamSongTom´s Jt. were working.
A strange SMS from Yogi convinced me that I had to leave Party Bar after two drinks.
Yogi wanted to talk with me… at Anna Jet.
The bars in Soi 7 were as same quiet like the bar I had just left.
Yogi had a serious face expression when I arrived at Anna Jet.
“What´s up ?” I asked.
“No, Airport Club !” he answered and laughed “I can´t get this place out of my head !”
“I guess, it´s not the bar… it´s the girl, hmmm ?” I said.
“Yes !” Yogi answered “I´m seriously thinking of bar fining her… not for another night only… but for a few days or so ! But I have great doubts if I would do right by getting her out of the bar !”
“If you feel that it would be good for you, you must do it, mate !” I said “There is nothing wrong with it… as long as you don´t loose your head. Holidays will be over soon !”
“Do you want to join me on a visit in Airport Club tonight ?” Yogi asked “I mean… you don´t need to do the same with a girl overthere, like I´m going to do with my T.luck. But you haven´t been in Airport Club before… as far as I know !”
“Not tonight, mate !” I answered “I will visit this place later. Tonight is for you, Yogi. My presence might hold you back from doing what your heart wants you to do. Carry on… Master Yogi ! Good luck !”
“Thanks, Mike !” he said “Allow me to check bin now. I´m off to Airport Club… and I hope that no other Farang has bar fined her already !”
When Yogi was gone, I had a look around in the bar.
Doctor B. wasn´t there and Nang Far was still together with the fat Farang.
She looked at me with a sad face expression.
“What do you want, little angel ?” I thought “It´s up to you ! This is Thailand and you are Thai. You can do what you want in your own country. If you don´t want to stay with this man, just leave him !”
Much later, when Nang Far and her customer had left the bar, I made eye contact with O., the girl I had bar fined in my first night out.
And… of course we both ended up in my room in Flipper House !



LIFEGUARD… OFF DUTY !
The Pattaya Fever was back… and I barely made it to keep it secret from O., in the little time she was still with me in my room on the next morning.
As soon as O. had left me, I had to run into the bathroom to reach the toilet.
Wild shits were about to exhaust me, physically.
Much later I went onto my balcony to have a look through the green curtain.
The weather was nice… the construction site noisy as usual.
My hands were shaking and I felt like shit !
“Kennyboy !” I thought “Now I have a little idea of how you felt all the time !”
Five rides on the crapper and two Immodium pills later, I went downstairs for a small breakfast.
After that I went to MissOnline´s shop to post a quick report to UKBKK and to check my e-mails.
I wasn´t feeling well enough to dare going outside… far away from any toilet.
I texted SamSongTom and FiveBaht to inform them about my condition.
But Immodium did it´s work and I felt much better after spending a few hours of relaxing and reading newspapers in my room.
I knew that SamSongTom and FiveBaht probably were at Jomtien Beach.
But I decided not to follow them.
Instead of this I went upstairs to the swimming pool.
This time, the place was overcrowded and the scene reminded me of my job back home.
Nevertheless, I found an unoccupied deck chair and sat down.
I didn´t like to swim there anyway, because the water had too much chlorine which made it nealy impossible to open my eyes under water without feeling the typical itching and burning.
The smell of chlorine was everywhere, like at all the small pools I had visited in hotels.
They were probably using solid chlorine compounds, like tablets or powders, which can be tossed right into the pool.
They probably also had an algae problem, caused by the permanent UV radiation here in this tropical country… and instead of using the pool-cleaner every morning, they toss more of the chlorine compounds into the water… probably not being aware of the fact, that algae turns out to become resistant against chlorine after a few weeks…
I realised that I was thinking too much about my work already.
“You are off duty, pool attendant !” I thought for myself “Relax ! You are on holidays… This is not the pool you have to be responsible for ! Be in the world, not of it !”
I watched a Thai-Farang couple leaving the pool and their approximately 8 years old boy staying in the water, whilst I lay down on the deck chair to find some sleep.

Right in the moment I was about to fall asleep, I heard the little boy screaming.
I got up from my chair and saw the boy going under water.
I jumped into the pool and collided with the boy´s father who had jumped for him from the other side of the pool.
Together we lifted the boy back to the surface and up to give him the feeling that he can breath free.
Instantly, the boy began to cough and spit water… He vomitted his lunch into my face.
How lucky I was that I was still wearing my sun glasses.
But for the rest of my holidays, I wasn´t interested anymore in having Tom Yum noodles for lunch or dinner !



…to be continued

Many Meetings

SHOWING SIGNS OF WEAR
“I must make a difference today !” I said to SamSongTom on the phone “Sorry mate. I feel like shit… But I don´t know why !”
“What happened to you last night, Mikelsan ?” my friend asked “Have you met your little angel again and she turned out to be a little devil ?”
“No !” I said “I slept alone after a few drinks at Anna Jet, even Doctor B. wanted to take care of me !”
“You must be really sick if you decline to bar fine B. !” SamSongTom said “I always thought that she is special for you !”
“Yes she is !” I answered “But I just felt tired and weak. And once again I failed with my plan not to drink so much, but to return to the hotel earlier than in the nights before !”
“Hmmm… what if you are going to join me on a visit at Sabai Land in one hour from now ?” SamSongTom asked “I´m sure that you´ll feel much better after a nice soapie massage session !”
“No, thank you !” I said “I had all this before, on one of my previous trips. It was a nice and interesting experience. But it´s not my favorite thing to do everytime I come to Pattaya… same with the Soi 6 madness and with the whole Eden- and Hell Club stuff !”
“Yes I know !” SamSongTom said “We have talked about this before. The girls are for the night only, eh ?”
“Yes !” I said and laughed “I´ll catch up with you later, in one of the street bars here in Soi 7. Just send me a text by late afternoon time !”
After SamSongTom´s call, I got up from my bed and realised that it was just 10:30am.
I went to the balcony and peeked through the opening along the seam of the green curtain.
The workers of the construction site were all gone.
No loud noises and shoutings anymore.
Maybe the latest pulley accident that had woken me up had caused some trouble and forced them to stop all work !?
I looked up to the top of the new building and saw the pulley´s wheel and chain hanging there… and above that a dark and cloudy sky.
I abandoned my idea to go to Jomtien Beach to sleep on a deck chair and decided to stay in Flipper House at least till 5:00pm.
Nevertheless, I left my room around 11:00am to give the cleaner a chance to do her job.
I could barely swallow my frugal breakfast in the hotel´s restaurant and the usual very strong coffee at Flipper House wasn´t a good help at all.
I still felt weak and tired.
But I made it to MissOnline´s shop and spent one hour with checking my e-mails and with viewing the latest posts and the calendar at UKBKK.
I used the piece of paper and a ball pen I got from MissOnline, to write down the arrival dates of the board members Sharkbait, Johnsue and Sauce.
Later, the heavy rain fall outside convinced me that there was no need to go anywhere that early on that day.
Even hanging around at the hotel´s swimming pool wouldn´t have made any sense.
So, I returned to my room and slept on my bed all afternoon long.


NOT MUCH OF MAKING A DIFFERENCE
“Did you hear that loud noise from the construction site in the morning ?” I asked SamSongTom, soon after my arrival in Aussie Bar at 5:30pm.
“I heard something… for the second or third time since my arrival !” he answered “But all in a far distance, because my room is on the other side of the wing. But it sounded like when a big accident happened out there. Do you know what has happened ?”
“Looks like the workers have problems with that pulley !” I said “I had a look through an opening in the fabric of the green curtain and saw that the full load had fallen down from 20 or 30 metres height. But the pulley doesn´t looks like there is something wrong with it !”
“Maybe it was time for a break and the worker who operated the pulley let the chain go to get something to eat !” SamSongTom said “Labour-law provisions are dictating the observance of the duration of an employee´s break, even here in Thailand !”
“Yes !” I said and laughed “Imagine the guy who worked with the pulley and suddenly let the chain go because it was time for a break !”
Later, around 8:00pm, we both sat down in Pink Lady Restaurant on Beach Road, and SamSongTom realised that I was very quiet.
“What´s wrong with you, Mike ?” he asked “Are you still feeling as same bad as you felt when I called you in the morning ?”
“No… and yes !” I answered “I just feel a little bit weak. Maybe I have caught up something… the Pattaya fever, some sort of flu or whatever. Maybe it´s just because of our drinking sessions every night and the lack of sleep since I´ve arrived here. To check out what it is, I must make a difference out of my daily and nightly activities. Otherwise these holidays are not longer that what one calls relaxed holidays !”
“So, what are you going to do tonight ?” my friend asked.
“Joining you on a tour in Walking Street !” I said “But I´ll definitely return to my hotel before midnight, with no stop over at Anna Jet or anywhere else in Soi 7 !”
SamSongTom wanted to say something, but got disturbed by the funny Issan dance ring tone of my phone.
“Hi Mike !” Yogi said on the phone “How are you ? What are you going to do tonight ?”
“Hi Yogi !” I answered “I´m here with SamSongTom in a restaurant on Beach Road… and I must confess that I need a break from everything. Will not do much tonight, beside joining my friend on a little tour in Walking Street, but will probably return to my room before midnight !”
I heard Yogi´s laughter.
“You are showing signs of wear, mate. But going on a Walking Street tour with your friend will not make any difference !” he said “I´m looking forward to meet one of my T.lucks in Barracuda Bar. Join me in case you both change your mind. Let´s have a drink together at Barracuda´s !”
“Will see what I can do !” I answered “If you don´t hear from me again tonight, I´ll promise to call you or send you a text tomorrow !”
SamSongTom looked at me whilst I put the phone back on the table after Yogi´s call.
“You don´t look good, mate !” he said “Maybe you really need a break. Or is there something else that was disturbing for you in the past two nights ?”
“Nothing !” I said “It´s just, because I need a break from everything… not only because I feel sick !”
Once again SamSongTom got disturbed by my phone ringing.
“Hi Martinlanna !” I said “I haven´t heard from you since our go go bar crawl with Pete ! How are you ?”
“I´m fine, Mike !” Martinlanna said “Sometimes still like a rabbit !”
I laughed out loud.
“I just call to inform you that I´m going to travel to Chiang Mai tomorrow !” he said “Will stay there for one week. After that, a few more days in Jomtien before I travel home !”
“Oh, I understand !” I said “Will we get a chance to meet together again ?”
“Definitely… yes, Mike !” Martinlanna said “If not on this holidays, then maybe next time… ! I guess, Tallguy and S1xer will contact you soon !”
“Great !” I said “Yesterday I met LPT again and the AJ forum member Yogi was at Anna Jet last night. I really hope that we can make it to meet all together… maybe for dinner in a restaurant !”
“Yes, that would be great !” Martinlanna said “But it might be a bit difficult to get them all together. S1xer and Tallguy are still here… Sharkbait will arrive soon, and Johnsue might come down to Pattaya on coming weekend… and I´ll be off to Chiang Mai. But I hope you guys have fun. I´m looking forward to meet you again, Mike !”
“Yo Mart !” I said “I wish you a great time in Chiang Mai. Contact me when you are back in Jomtien !”
After Martinlanna´s call, the waiter served our dinner and we began to eat.
“Looks like you are not making much of a difference, because you still arrange meet ups with the island monkeys !” SamSongTom said.
“Bugger !” I said “It has nothing to do with the island monkeys. When I don´t feel well, I don´t meet up with anybody !”
“I recommend Doctor B. !” SamSongTom said and showed me a malicious smile “The best medicine for you !”
“Thanks !” I answered “But I´m not sure if I want to meet any girl tonight !”
“What about… ?” SamSongTom began, but got once again disturbed by my phone.
He laughed out loud.
“Hello !?” I said.
“Good evening !” a male voice said “Are you MekongMike from Germany ?”
“Yes !” I said “Who are you ?”
“Some people call me S1xer !” the man said.
“S1xer !” I literally shouted into the phone “On this trip, I was really looking forward to hear especially from you, so that we finally can meet together in real life !”
“Thank you, Mike !” S1xer said “I also would like to meet you in person. I got your Thai number from Tallguy !”
“So, where and when ?” I asked “I mean, where can I find you tonight or tomorrow ?”
I heard S1xer laughing.
“Patience, Mike !” he said “I´m going to be a bit busy in the next three days, because I´ll go on a trip. I just call to make contact with you. But I will call you again with the begin of next week. My holidays are over soon. But before that we´ll definitely get a chance to meet together !”
“All right, Sir !” I said “I will wait for your next call. Hope your long time stay in Thailand was great !”
“Great as usual, Mike !” S1xer answered “And I hope that you´ll have a great time too. See you next week !”
After S1xer´s call I looked at SamSongTom.
“Was that the one UKBKK member, who uploaded the great photos of Bangkok and Pattaya of the 1950ties and 60ties ?” he asked.
“Yes !” I answered “That was the great S1xer !”
Half an hour later, we started our little go go bar tour at Silver Star 2 in Walking Street, where I spotted a familiar face.
The cute little waitress who always sat beside me, when I visited Silver Star 2 together with BigBadBaz in the year before.
But this time she didn´t recognize me and seemed to be busy with serving drinks and with caressing a fat Farang who was sitting at the other end of the bar.
Whilst SamSongTom began to make fun with the two girls who were lounging in the Jacuzzi right in front of us, my thoughts drifted away in memories.
I remembered why I did not bar fine the cute waitress.
She still looked like a teenager… even she might has been 22 or 25 years old already.
I always hesitated to bar fine such a tiny thing.
But what about MissCambodia of Gentlemen´s Club in Soi Diamond, back in November 2007 ?
She was as same tiny as the waitress of Silver Star 2.
What about Nang Far of Anna Jet ?
I came to the point, that I didn´t like girls who were so tiny and who looked so young.
But what madness had driven me to bar fine MissCambodia and Nang Far ?
I was sure that I hadn´t been too drunk and that I hadn´t lost touch with reality in those nights.
Even I knew full well that those bar girls had inimitable abilities to tell a Farang exactly that what he desires or wants to hear, I couldn´t get rid of the feeling that some of those small and young looking cuties used to approach me, because they saw something in me… a daddy, or just a big teddy bear.
A confusing feeling… because I did not desire anything beside getting attracted by a sexy girl.
I don´t remember anymore how many girls used to snuggle up on my body, used to tell me about their sad life and cried all their sorrows out on my shoulder.
Not only in Thailand !
Too bad that I never met one of those power women, who are not so tiny and more resolutely facing willingly all challenges in life.
Not only in Thailand !
It seemed to me that I didn´t belong to the type of man those power women prefered.
But for holiday fun I didn´t care about all this, even it made me think too much… for a while.
One would say, that this was depending on myself and that in Pattaya I could have had any woman I desired.
But my respect for the working girls was always stronger than my desires.
Even after seven holidays in Pattaya, I still prefered to make friendship with a girl before I even had the slightest thought of taking her with me to my hotel room.
But I just couldn´t resist the cute little angels amongst them, whenever they snuggled up to me, in their seek for somebody with the ability to give them hold and strenght, even I didn´t believe that I could ever be what they expected from me to be.
“Nang Far !” I thought “Can I meet you again ?”
“Mikelsan, are you dreaming ?” SamSongTom shouted over the loud music in the bar.
“No !” I said “I´m just more quiet than yesterday. Can we go somewhere else now ?”
I realised that Yogi was right.
I wasn´t making much of a difference out of my holidays, by following SamSongTom on this tour.
It would end up in the same never ending drinking session like in the nights before, unless I would return to my hotel room right away.


TOO MUCH OF A PUNCH AND JUDY SHOW
Our night out was about to become one of the best we ever had.
But I still felt too weak to join SamSongTom for a few more hours.
And there were a few disturbing things, that made me wish myself far away from all the madness in Pattaya.
After Silver Star 2, we spent a long time in Casanovis… Later we left the totally overcrowded Happy A Go Go without finding a place to sit or stand in there and without having a drink.
Beach Club was just interesting, but not so impressive anymore like it was on our previous visits.
In What´s Up A Go Go, a desperate A. came to me and told me with a sad voice that she was always waiting for me.
But she was bar fined already… by three Farangs who had bar fined five girls, A. included.
Now the girls were waiting till their Farangs had finished their drinks.
I didn´t want to create any sort of situation in the bar.
So, my response to A.´s tenderness was very cautious.
“Bloody bastards !” SamSongTom said “Money shitters ! Why they let those poor girls wait, after bar fining them ? Everybody in the bar knows already that they have bar fined five or six girls in one ride. Why showing off now ?”
“Ah, forget them !” I answered “The financial crisis will get them all, sooner or later !”
“Yo !” SamSongTom said “Looks like they are making a move now !”
A. stood up from her chair beside me.
“Mike !” she said with a weeping voice.
I took her both hands.
“Take care T.luck !” I said “You still have my phone number. Call me in case you want to see me later tonight !”
Five minutes later, she was gone.
SamSongTom and I left What´s Up around 11:30pm.
“Forgive me Tommysan !” I said “But I have to go home now. I still feel like shit !”
SamSongTom accepted my decision and so I said goodnight to him and went up to the top of Walking Street to walk all the way down Beach Road to Soi 7.
On my way I spotted A. and the other bar fined What´s Up girls with their Farangs in one of the beer bars on Beach Road.
They were all dancing and laughing… and A. seemed to be the happiest one of them all.
One of my old blog entry titles came into my mind:
“Pattaya Punch And Judy Shows”
The German word “Kasperl-Theater” was the right thing to describe all the hokeyness and crazyness of Pattayan nightlife.
A long time ago, when I was writing on the blog entry, I only found “Punch And Judy Show” as a translation of “Kasperl-Theater” and I hoped that the English readers would understand what I meant.
Now, whilst walking down Beach Road, I was fully convinced that I never had to be worried of A.
Of course, she had to approach me in What´s Up, because I was still her potencial customer for another night.
But everything else… her weeping voice and all this, was just part of the Punch And Judy Show.
Thanks to Buddha, I wouldn´t play Mr. Punch… and wouldn´t become a Love-Kasper again in my life.
The steamy heat of the tropical night made me sweat too much.
But I marched on and didn´t care how I looked like or how my smell was.
Two ladyboys approached me, which made me walk faster and ignoring them.
I was wondering who of them was Mr. Punch and who was Judy… Kasper and Gretel.
At the top of Soi 8 I suddenly stopped and decided to walk up the lane, to see some more Punch And Judy shows before returning to my hotel room.
But Soi 8 was quiet.
A few Farangs were sitting in the beer bars and most of the real stunners amongst the girls were not longer working.
Only the ladyboys were still trying to lure more Farangs into the bars.
I didn´t take the short-cut through the Soi-Inbetween to reach Soi 7.
Instead of this I walked up to Second Road and entered Soi 7 from there.
I wanted to have a look into Anna Jet, for one last drink and a chat with PeterP.
The bar was overcrowded, because a party was still going.
I decided to pass by without going into the bar, because I got the feeling that this wasn´t my world in this night.
“Nang Far ! Where are you ?” I thought while I looked into the bar.
Much later, back in my room, I woke up from the notification tone of my phone.
SamSongTom had sent me an SMS saying:
YOU SHOULD BE WITH ME HERE.
HAD SOME TROUBLE IN INSOMNIA !
Instantly I was fully awake.
SamSongTom was in trouble !
I dialed his number and he picked up the phone.
But we couldn´t understand each other, because of the loud music at the place where he was.
So, I sent a text to ask him what the problem was.
I was ready to get a motorbike taxi back to Walking Street to pull SamSongTom out of whatever shit he had stumbled into this time.
But his reply came in after two minutes.
DON´T WORRY MIKE.
IT WAS JUST ANOTHER KASPERL-THEATER
WITH THE GIRLS HERE.
NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.
“Bugger !” I thought and turned around in my bed to find some sleep.


SAMSONGTOM, THE MARSHALL AND THE FIVE-EURO-BUDDHA
“Aaah, you are alive !” I said when SamSongTom arrived at our place at Jomtien Beach.
“Barely !” he answered “I spent the night with the Marshall !”
“The Marshall ?” I asked “You mean the former Mamasan of Party Bar ? The one with the fake blue contact lenses and the hard pinched face ?”
“Yup !” my friend said “A real shag-sled who knows what she wants !”
“So, that was the trouble you got into !?” I said “I hope you remember that you have texted me something last night !”
“Ah, well… that was long before I left Insomnia with the Marshall !” SamSongTom said “Do you really want to hear the full story ?”
“Yes !” I said “Carry on !”
“Well, I went into Insomnia Bar because I hoped to meet N. there !” he said “But instead of this I met two Party Bar girls… Your PL. and my Jt. Right after my arrival, PL. asked me for you and I told her that you are back in your room, because you didn´t feel well. Whilst chatting with the two girls, N. popped up in front of us, looked at me and went away quickly. I left PL. and Jt. and followed N through the overcrowded bar. For a moment I thought that I had lost her. But after a while I spotted her at the door to the toilets. Whilst talking with her, the Marshall past by and looked at me with an angry face-expression. When N. went to toilet I returned to Jt. and PL. But on my way I almost collided with PeterP who made his way through the bar and seemed to be in a hurry to get to the toilet. I tried to speak with him. But he didn´t even see me right in front of him !”
“PeterP was in Insomnia ?” I asked.
“Yes !” SamSongTom said “He looked like somebody who desperately needed to make a piss and who was in a hurry to reach the toilets. Well, I was about to reach the counter again, when Anna came towards me and asked me where PeterP was. She probably thought that I was on a tour together with him. I told her that her husband went to toilet. After that I said Hello to a few people I knew from my previous visits in Insomnia. Suddenly Doctor B. came into the bar and told me that she was looking for her bosses. Whilst talking with B., I noticed that Jt. looked at me with a sulky face. PL. was gone… I didn´t ask where she went, because I wanted to speak with Jt. now, which seemed to be very disturbing for N. who had just returned from the toilet and wanted to speak with me too !”
“Oh my goodness !” I said “That was one hell of a night… eh !?”
“Nah it wasn´t so bad !” SamSongTom said “Just another Punch And Judy Show. When I began typing my SMS to you, I suddenly realised that both girls were gone. I saw the Anna Jet family, PeterP, Anna and B. leaving Insomnia together. A few minutes later, the Marshall returned to my place at the counter. I bought her a drink and… later I ended up in her room in Walking Street where she took full control over me !”
I laughed out loud.
“The fearless SamSongTom !” I said “The king of all butterflies, who finally found his mistress !”
“Nah, Mikelsan ! Don´t exaggerate things like this !” my friend said “It was just another amusing show in Pattayan nightlife… the session with the Marshall as well as the jealousy of the girls. Nobody is really interested in us here… so nobody will ever be jealous !”
“Not even your beloved N. ?” I asked.
“That´s a different story !” SamSongTom said “She is still my number one. Too bad that she had to marry this Yank !”
“Hmmm… !” I said “In one thing I have to give you right, Tommysan. No Thai is really interested in us here, unless we pay for it. It doesn´t matters how we look like or what we do. We are always sexy men, as long as we have the money to pay !”
“Yup !” my friend said “Somebody back home once critisized me for having those large tattoos and that I shouldn´t travel to Asian countries, because Asian people probably do not like them. It´s all bollocks… Some girls like them, some not… But in fact no one of them really cares !”
“I remember that a friend once said to me that I shouldn´t wear this leather necklace with the Buddha pendant whilst being in Thailand, because Thai people could feel offended by a non-buddhist who is wearing a symbol of their religion !” I said “But nobody here ever cares of what I wear ! The only girl who ever insisted to have a closer look on the pendant was Nang Far. But that was after we had talked about her frequent visits at a Buddhist temple in Rayong !”
“Yes, Mike !” SamSongTom said “But I´m surprised that you wear something like this. I never saw it before. I only saw this strange black bangle on your right hand´s wrist !”
“Ah… that´s just an original O ring from India !” I said “You can buy it in every building supply store in Germany. It´s just a gasket ring made of rubber, that looks like one of the bangles some Indian girls use to wear on their arms. But this one is an original from India !”
“So, what about the Buddha ?” my friend asked.
“I discovered it in an online shop, almost two years ago !” I explained “I like it, because it seems to be made of everlasting polished steel. So I bought it along with some other stuff for a friend. It´s nothing special. The Buddha looks like it´s model came from Japanese or Korean symbolism. His hand gestures are turning the wheel of life… definitely a symbol for the Buddha of the future. But for me, the pendant is just my Five-Euro-Buddha !”
“Five-Euro-Buddha ?” SamSongTom asked.
“Be in the world, but not of it, Tommysan !” I said “I´m still not sure about the symbolism. So, I accept only those things as real which I understand right away. No need to break my head about all the rest, which might be just an illusion !”
“You are confusing me !” SamSongTom said “What do you understand right away and why do you call the pendant your Five-Euro-Buddha ?”
“Well, it struck me right away that I really like this pendant !” I explained “And it cost me only 5 Euro to get it !”


LIFE, THE UNIVERSE AND A CONFUSED YOGI
“If it is true what you have said, Tommysan, it will end in another desaster for Thai tourism !” I said “I´m absolutely convinced that the ASEAN summit will become an ignition for another time of political unrest and riots on the streets. This time it will begin here in Pattaya… and it will be more worse for Thailand than the yellow shirts´Airport-Sit-In in past December ever was !”
“We both will be back home on the day when the summit begins !” my friend said “So, no need to be worried about all this !”
“But what about the future ?” I asked “Thailand will never be the same like before. But you are right… We are living in the here and now only. Let´s enjoy our holidays without thinking too much about future problems !”
“Cheers Mike !” SamSongTom said and lifted his San Mig bottle.
“Cheers !” I said “I would rather see an UKBKK board members´summit happening ! By the way, I wonder that we never heard from Tallguy again, since my first night out at Anna Jet !”
“Maybe you can ask him now !” SamSongTom, who looked to the street, said with a meaningful voice “There he comes !”
I turned around and spotted Tallguy walking up Soi 7.
He spotted us and came straight to our place at Minny Bar.
“Hi Mike, hi Tommy !” he said “I expected you guys sitting in one of the Cheap Charly bars at this time of a day !”
“Yo Tallguy !” I said “Nice to see you again. I can assure you that we are not Cheap Charlies. But we´ve just returned from the beach, and those street bars are just a good place for a late afternoon beer and to sit here, watching the world passing by and chatting about life, the universe and everything… !”
“Forty Two !” Tallguy and I said simultaneously and ended up in laughter.
“The good old Douglas Adams seems to be everywhere… eh !?” I said “He had the right philosophy in life to deal with the Pattayan madness !”
“You mentioned him many times in your blog, Mike !” Tallguy said “So, I guess you have learned a lot from him. By the way, what´s your plan for tonight ? Johnsue has arrived in Pattaya today. I have the idea that we meet all together in Pattaya Beer Garden tonight and start a little go go bar crawl from there !”
“Great idea !” I said “Too bad that Martinlanna and S1xer are on a trip in the next few days and can´t join us. But what about LPT ?”
“I will call him later !” Tallguy said “Anyone else ready to join us ? What about the two AJ forum members you have mentioned ?”
“Well, I don´t know where Kennyboy is and I don´t have his phone number !” I said “But I have spoken to to Yogi about two hours ago, to inform him where he can find us in the afternoon. I guess, he will arrive here soon !”
“I will join you too !” SamSongTom said “Looks like a good idea for a meet up !”
Tallguy looked with an amused face-expression at my phone that was lying on the bar´s counter right in front of me.
“Nice ring tone !” he said.
I picked up the phone and heard Yogi´s voice.
“Where are you, Mike ?” he asked “I´m at the top of Soi 7 now, coming from Beach Road. Not so many bars here. How can I find you ?”
“Not so many bars ? Are you kidding ?” I said “Just enter the Soi and walk up. Look to your right side, after about 100 metres. Look for the sign of Minny Bar. I sit here together with SamSongTom and Tallguy !”
“Hmmm… !” Yogi said “Not so many bars here… and no Minny Bar at all !”
“Are you sure that you are in the right Soi ?” I asked.
“Yes !” he answered “Jomtien, Soi 7 !”
“Aaaargh !” I said “Yogi, Yogi… Jedi Master Yogi ! I´m in Soi 7, yes ! But in Pattaya !”
“What… ere, Pattaya !?” Yogi said “But you told me that you and your friend spent the afternoon in Jomtien !”
“On the beach, yes !” I answered “But now we are back in Pattaya ! There are vehicles driving from here to there… transporting people from one place to the other, you know !? We call them Baht Busses !”
“Ah… yes !” Yogi said “Will get one of those Baht Busses to get to Soi 7 in Pattaya. Sorry Mike, but maybe I misunderstood when you called me from Jomtien !”
“Nah, no problem, mate !” I said “Maybe I forgot to say that we use to take our afternoon drinks in Pattaya… not in Jomtien !”
“What a luck that I didn´t look for you in Bangkok !” Yogi said and laughed.
“Just get a motorbike taxi and you´ll be here in an instant !” I said.


THE UKBKK SUMMIT, SEXY BOOTS AND A RESTLESS SAMSONGTOM
“This Yogi really is a funny guy !” SamSongTom said “But I must confess that I have problems to understand his English !”
“Why ?” I asked “I can´t hear any dialect when he speaks. Maybe he is just too fast for you !”
“Maybe !” my friend answered “I don´t think that my English will ever be as same good as yours´! You could make a good island monkey, Mike !”
“I am what I am !” I said and glanced at my watch “And I don´t care what I am, as long as there is still one girl left in Pattaya who calls me a sexy man !”
“Why you look what time it is ?” SamSongTom said “It´s just 8:00pm. Our meet up in Pattaya Beer Garden begins at 9:00pm. So, we´ve still time !”
“Yup !” I said “And when I look at those dancers at the window, I could forget all time !”
Jt. and PL. where dancing at the entrance of Party Bar, whilst we sat on the sofa in the left corner.
“Nice boots !” SamSongTom said.
“Yes !” I answered “Meanwhile I understand board member Montydog´s addiction for girls in sexy boots !”
“Hey Mike !” SamSongTom suddenly said “What if we bar fine the two girls and take them with us to Beer Garden ? I guess, the island monkeys will go bananas when they see them together with us !”
“Nah !” I said “Don´t call them island monkeys all the time. I´m sure that they use to meet girls who are as same sexy as our two girls. But I´m not sure if it would be a good idea to take the girls with us. Tallguy had the idea to go on a go go bar crawl… Do you remember !?”
“I´m sure that Jt. and PL. would never mind !” SamSongTom said “Let´s do it, Mike !”
“Well… Why not !?” I said after a while “But let´s make it fair for the girls. We have to inform them where we go and what we have planned for tonight !”
45 minutes later we arrived at Pattaya Beer Garden together with our T.lucks.
PL., my sexy MissInsomnia was with me and Jt. with SamSongTom.
“Teutonic punctuality !” I said “We are the first ones who arrive here… and the bar is dead quiet tonight !”
“What did Tallguy say where to meet together ?” SamSongTom asked “Here at the counter of the bar, or overthere on the terrace ? Hmmm… This so called bar looks more like an expensive restaurant to me !”
“Let´s sit on the terrace !” I said “We have mobile phones with us, mate. Just in case we missed the meeting point, we can still send texts or make a call to the others. And maybe our T.lucks want to eat something. So, come on, Cheap Charly !”
Soon after we sat down at a table on the terrace and had ordered our first drinks, our girls informed us that they both needed to go to toilet.
“It´s strange that they both have to go to toilet in the same time !” I said whilst the girls left the terrace.
SamSongTom looked into the direction where the girls had gone.
“Yes !” he said “Who knows what they are after… But look ! Yogi is coming !”
“Hi lads !” I heard Yogi´s voice behind me “Good to see ya !”
“Yogi !” I said “What a luck that this place is called Pattaya Beer Garden and not just Beer Garden… Otherwise you have probably looked for it in Jomtien, Bangkok or Munich. Please sit to my right. The left side is occupied already !”
“Yup !” Yogi said and lifted his leg to climb over the back of the settee.
“Don´t fall from the terrace into the Pattayan sea !” I said.
“Ah, no problem !” Yogi said “I´m very sporty, you know !? But in case I make a little tumble into the water, I´m sure that a Krautish lifeguard will rescue me !”
“I´m off duty !” I said.
Yogi laughed out loud.
“Hey guys !” he said after he had ordered his drink “You should have seen what I have seen just a minute ago. Two girls, leaving the bar… Both wearing sexy boots and sexy dresses, like go go girls. Oh wow ! Guys, I can tell you… they both were real stunners !”
SamSongTom looked at me… and I looked at SamSongTom.
We both smiled to each other.
“I told you they´ll go bananas !” SamSongTom said.
“What ?” Yogi asked “Who is going bananas ?”
“Aaah… Never mind, Yogi !” I said “Just tell me… Where are those two girls now ?”
Yogi turned his head and lifted his arm to point into the direction where he had seen the two girls.
“Right overthere… !” he began “Wait a minute ! Here they come… They are coming right overhere !”
MissInsomnia sat down beside me and Jt. beside SamSongTom.
I looked at Yogi, whose eyes seemed to pop out of their sockets.
“Carry on, mate !” I said “Didn´t you want to tell us something ?”
“Hello !” MissInsomnia said “Nice to meet you. Are you a friend of Mike and Tommy ?”
“Definitely… yes !” Yogi said and laughed.
“Hey, you Krauts are full of surprises !”
20 minutes later, Tallguy arrived at our place on the terrace.
But he had been waiting for us at the counter near the bar´s entrance for a while already.
As far as I understood, he had spotted us on the terrace after he had heard our laughters.
LPT and Johnsue arrived together with their T.lucks a few minutes later.
Tallguy introduced me and SamSongTom to Johnsue.
“Finally we meet together !” Johnsue said “I was really looking forward to meet you, MekongMike, because I really love to read your posts and blog entries at UKBKK !”
“Thank you !” I said “These holidays are a unique experience for me, because so many board members are here this time !”
We occupied two tables on the terrace and drifted away in our chats, laughed about Yogi´s funny jokes and… forgot time.
But it was only a matter of time till the restless SamSongTom would remind me of the plan to go on a go go bar crawl.
“Hey Mikelsan !” he said in German “Don´t you think that this meet up is getting too boring for our girls ?”
I looked at PL. who was making faces with Yogi behind my back.
“I don´t think so !” I answered “Why you can´t say right away that it is you who wants to go somewhere else ?”
“It´s getting late !” SamSongTom answered “I don´t want to sit here all night long !”
“Who says that we´ll sit here all night long ?” I asked “We are on holidays, mate ! Remember ? Can´t you just drift and see what comes next ?”
“This is not drifting !” he said “It´s standstill ! It would be better if we could start our tour right now. But I also think that it would be a bad idea to go with so many people on a go go bar crawl !”
“Maybe you are right with this, Tommysan !” I answered “But I can not agree with you, because there is always the option to change a plan ! And can you please use the English language, so that everybody learns what you are after ?”
Tallguy looked at me and I could study from his face that he wanted to know what I had just discussed with SamSongTom in German.
“My friend turns out to be a little bit restless again !” I explained to him in English.
SamSongTom began to express his wish to leave our little board meet up, finally by using the English language.
Everybody listened… and I began to feel guilty.
Finally SamSongTom set his plan into action, checked his bill and stood up from his seat.
Jt. followed him.
“What about PL. ?” he asked, still using English.
“She is free to do whatever she wants, even I have bar fined her !” I answered “I´ll definitely catch up with you later. I guess you´ll end up in Insomnia again !”
SamSongTom nodded with his head.
“I want to stay with you !” PL. said and grabbed my arm “See you later Tommy. Take care Jt. !”
When SamSongTom and Jt. were gone, we continued our chats and had a few more drinks.
Yogi ordered some french fries with chicken and made fun with the situation that he had to wait a long time till his dinner got served.
“Imagine the cook chasing the chicken through the kitchen !” he said “The beast is still alive… That´s why it is taking so long !”
Later, when Yogi had his chicken on the plate in front of him, I had a look what exactly he had ordered.
“Looks like some sort of Krautish chicken schnitzel to me !” I said.
“Keep your hands off my chicken !” Yogi said.
MissInsomnia giggled and Yogi smiled to her.
“And you keep your hands of my chicken !” I said and put my arm around MissInsomnia´s shoulders.
Once again Yogi´s laughter sounded through the night.
SamSongTom hasn´t been right with what he had said !
We didn´t spent all night long at Pattaya Beer Garden… We just spent half of the night there !
We left the terrace around midnight, after lots of funny chats and a little photo session with MissInsomnia… or better with her sexy boots.
I remember that Yogi said, that the boots pictures were all for Montydog.
Well, I hope he never forgot to e-mail them to him !
After leaving Pattaya Beer Garden, we visited a few go go bars.
Around 1:30am MissInsomnia and I followed Tallguy and Yogi into FLB Bar.
I guess it was 2:30am already when we finally caught up with SamSongTom and Jt. in Insomnia Bar.


CREATIVE DIFFERENCES ON THE BEACH AND MEETING A UKBKK LEGEND
We woke up around 11:30am on the next morning and MissInsomnia looked like she was suffering from a hangover, as same as I did.
She left me around 12:30pm and I allowed myself to stay in my bed a little bit longer.
But I couldn´t sleep anymore.
The construction site beyond the green curtain became very noisy after the workers probably had their lunch break.
So, I decided to go to Jomtien Beach, even it was late already.
“FiveBaht will arrive in Pattaya tonight !” SamSongTom said, soon after my arrival at our regular place “He doesn´t knows where to stay yet. There are no rooms free in Flipper House anymore !”
“So, what is he going to do ?” I asked.
“He is thinking about staying in Anna Jet Guesthouse, because he has only one and a half more week before he´ll be on his flight back home !” he answered.
“Great !” I said “Right in the lion´s den… The girls will eat him alive !”
“So, what are you going to do today ?” SamSongTom asked.
“I´ll try to make a difference again !” I answered “Last night was too much again. In the morning I felt like shit !”
SamSongTom laughed.
“What happened last night ? Nothing, I guess !” he said “Beside the fact that you had one of Pattaya´s sexiest girls with you last night, you just hanged around in a bar like when you are in a local pub at your town back home. You even returned to the hotel much earlier than me and Jt. !”
“Tommy !” I said with a loud voice “Just stop it ! You´ll see sooner or later what I meant with making a difference !”
“Okay !” SamSongTom said “You can do what you want ! Everybody should find his own way to enjoy holidays. Some do it in my way, others prefer to play the Love-Kasper by sticking together with the same girl all the time or by hanging around in the same bar every night ! What is your way, Mikelsan ?”
I gave him no answer to this and began reading in my book instead.
At 4:45pm I got up from my deckchair to get ready to return to Soi 7.
“I´m going to meet up with a UKBKK legend !” I said to SamSongTom “S1xer has sent me a text today… and of course I´ll meet up with him at Anna Jet !”
I arrived at Anna Jet at 5:00pm and as usual at this time of a day, the bar was dead quiet.
But this didn´t really matters to me, because I had come there to meet another board member… not for ogleing girls.
At 5:15pm a mature Farang with a very healthy looking and athletic body came into the bar.
He smiled to me and sat down beside me at the counter, near by Anna´s bell.
“Hi MekongMike !” he said “I´m S1xer !”
I shook his hand.
“Nice to meet you, Sir !” I said and ordered drinks for us both.
We began a nice chat about Thailand, UKBKK and everything, till S1xer suggested to change the bar.
“I´ll show you my regular bar, in a side lane on the other side of Second Road !” he said “But don´t expect too much, Mike. There are not so many stunners working there !”
“No problem !” I answered “In my world, the girls are for the night only !”
S1xer laughed and said:
“That´s right Mike ! That´s why I don´t have much time in the late afternoons. I must leave you around 6:30pm today, because I have an appointment with a lady !”
S1xer´s regular bar was nice, but seemed to be a meeting point for the more mature Farangs… something I have to describe with great respect here, because I´m also not getting younger anymore in this life.
S1xer told me some interesting stories of his early trips to Thailand, back in the 1950ties and 60ties.
“I have been in Thailand so often in my life. But I always love it to come back and stay here for a while !” he said “Nevertheless, when I travel home on coming weekend, it could have been my last trip for a while !”
“I would do the same as you do !” I said “I mean, staying here for a few months one time in a year, when I´m retired and don´t need to go to work anymore !”
“Don´t wait too long !” S1xer said “Do you know how old I am ?”
“I don´t know !” I said “And I´m too shy and respectful to guess your age, Sir !”
He told me his age.
“That´s not too old !” I said.
S1xer laughed.
“Thanks for that, Mike !” he said “But the wheel of time is running faster as older as you get in your life. Don´t forget this for yourself, Mike !”
“Hmmm… What can I say ?” I asked.
“Nothing !” S1xer answered “Don´t think too much. Enjoy your holidays. Let´s have one more beer !”
I said Goodbye to S1xer and his T.luck around 6:30pm on Second Road, after we had left the bar.
Before I crossed the street I watched S1xer walking hand in hand with his T.luck down the road.
His T.luck was a mature Thai lady, who had a great command of English.
I was impressed of both of them.
A simple question came into my mind:
Have I just seen the future of MekongMike today ?


JOHNSUE AND AN ANNA JET GIRL´S TEDDY BEAR
I´M GOING TO MEET UP WITH JOHNSUE
AT AJ´S IN ONE HOUR FROM NOW.
HE HAS TO RETURN TO BANGKOK
TOMORROW…
…I texted to SamSongTom´s Thai number, regardless if he even remembered the name of Johnsue or not.
SamSongTom´s reply came in after 30 minutes:
I HAVE BEEN IN SOI 6 IN THE AFTERNOON.
WILL MEET UP WITH PT. IN HOTTIES BAR TONIGHT.
SEE YOU TOMORROW !
“Great, Tommysan !” I thought “Hope you´ll not get into some trouble with violent Thai men again !”
I knew the bar owner with the name of Pt.
He was a rich guy from Germany, who once was the owner of Super Model A Go Go in Soi Diamond.
A small go go bar, which later got re-named to Insomnia Gentlemen´s Club, after the Australian guys who were the owners of Party Bar and Club Insomnia, took over the ownership.
It was the bar where I met MissCambodia, back in 2007.
The Aussies were a bunch of nice guys… I knew a few of them and used to chat with them whenever I went into Party Bar or Insomnia.
The German Pt. remained being one of the bosses… for a while.
But now he was running this Hotties Bar, somewhere in a side lane of Second Road.
I remembered that SamSongTom once left the bar and got attacked by two Thai guys, who seemed to be more interested in disturbing Pt´s business, than in robbing my friend.
That was almost one year ago.
None of us ever blamed Pt. for this.
But for some reasons I wasn´t eager to visit his bar, even I had never been there before.
I went downstairs, had my dinner in the hotel´s restaurant and arrived at Anna Jet around 8:00pm.
Johnsue was already there.
“Your last night out ?” I asked “So, what does an old hand of Bangkok think about Pattaya ?”
“A great place for holidays !” Johnsue answered “I hope next time I can stay here for longer… without getting disturbed by my work schedule !”
“You are going back to work in Bangkok ?” I asked.
“Yes !” he said “But only for a few more days before I travel home to England !”
“You´ll definitely come back here, mate !” I said “Cheers !”
“Cheers, Mike !” Johnsue said “What about you ?”
“I´ll come back here, next year !” I said “Not again this year, because I´m going to be busy with work in the coming few months. But several years ago I was convinced that I would never return to Thailand in my life !”
“Why ?” Johnsue asked.
“Oh, that´s a long story !” I said “About being in love with a Thai girl… A relationship that ended up in a desaster… You could have read all this in my very first blog entries at UKBKK. But in the end it was the board itself that helped me to get over all this and I finally found the courage to return to Pattaya !”
“What you do in Germany ?” Johnsue asked “You mentioned on the board that you are a lifeguard. But you don´t look like a lifeguard !”
“Because I´m poom pooey… eh !?” I said and laughed “Don´t imagine a lifeguard who works at ordinary swimming pools as one of those athletic rescue swimmers you see in those Baywatch TV shows. In fact I´m a swimming pool attendant, responsible for the technical part as well as for supervising the bustle at the pools. And of course I´m a rescue swimmer… even an instructor for rescue swimmers… and most time of a day I do the lifeguard job… and I use to keep my fitness by frequent swimming and mountain biking and use to keep my knowledge of rescue and first aid techniques up-to-date, by visiting seminaries and by undergoing requalifications every year. But I must confess, that I could never work as a lifeguard at a coast. I can handle every situation at a swimming pool. But working for the coast guard would be a completely different story for me !”
“I like reading your posts at UKBKK, Mike !” Johnsue said “You have a great command of English and you shouldn´t underestimate yourself by using your favorite phrases, that you are just a Kraut or a hillbilly from Krautland ! You are more than equal to the rest of us… island monkeys, like you use to say !”
I laughed.
“Thanks for that, Sir !” I said “I´ll do my best always !”
One hour later, all the girls were back in the bar and I looked around for Nang Far.
But she wasn´t working.
Doctor B. came over to us and I realised that she wouldn´t let me go so easy again, like two nights before.
“Mike !” Johnsue said “I can´t stay for long with you tonight, because my taxi to Bangkok will pick me up from my hotel very early tomorrow morning. It was nice to meet together with you here in Pattaya… and I really hope that we´ll meet again !”
“I´ll look forward to our next meet up, Sir !” I said “Have a pleasant trip home !”
“Don´t ever call me again Sir !” Johnsue said and shook my hand.
I gave him a bear hug.
“All right… mate !” I said “We´ll talk again soon. If not in real life, then at UKBKK !”
Soon after Johnsue had left Anna Jet, I bar fined B., but stayed together with her in the bar for one more hour.
I received an SMS from Yogi, saying that he found somebody special in Airport A Go Go in the night before (after he had left us in Insomnia), and that he was unable to meet up with me at Anna Jet, because he wanted to see his new T.luck again.
I smiled while I read the text.
B. showed me a sulky face.
“You have message from sexy lady ?” she asked.
“No !” I answered and laughed “Just a message from Yogi ! You know Yogi ?”
“Yes !” B. said and giggled “Funny man ! I like him !”
“Sexy man… eh ?” I asked.
“Hmmm... Don´t know !” she said and flicked her hair nonchalantly… in a way only B. herself could ever do it.
Suddenly she embraced me.
“Wow !” I said “Doctor B. ! Is this an emergency, or what ?”
“I want my big teddy bear tonight !” she said “Teddy bear… name MekongMike !”

Soon after Doctor B. and I had returned into my room, I received a text message from SamSongTom:
FIVEBAHT GOT A ROOM IN ANNA JET GUESTHOUSE.
HE WANTS TO SEE US TOMORROW.
“Oh… great !” I thought, switched off the phone and sat down beside Doctor B. on the bed.
“What are we going to do now ?” I asked.
B. showed me a killing smile.






…to be continued

Beyond The Green Curtain

KRA WHOOM !!!
Like in a flash we both woke up and jumped up in the bed.
“What was that ?” A. asked.
“I don´t know !” I answered “Sounded like a crash… outside !”
“Oh my Buddha !” A. said.
I glanced at my watch on the bedside table.
But I could barely see what time it was, because the mother of all hangovers was still with me and one of the side effects was some sort of amblyopia.
I guess it was just 10:00am.
“Let´s see what has caused this loud noise !” I said, got up from the bed and regreted my quick movements in the same moment, because I still felt like being drunk.
I stumbled away from the bed, reached the balcony door and heard some shoutings from the workers outside.
“Ah !” I said while I opened the balcony slide-door “The construction site… Maybe some accident happened !”
“Construction… ?” A. asked.
“Yes !” I said “Flipper House is building a new wing for the hotel. Come and see !”
A. got off the bed and came to the balcony… completely naked.
“Wow !” I said and looked at her body.
“Nothing to see !” A. said when she looked outside.
After a while she touched my chin and turned my head away from her, so that I had to look outside instead at her sexy body.
I saw the green curtain only.
Getting blinded by the morning sun through that green curtain was painful for my eyes, especially in my condition on that morning.
“Oh, I forgot !” I said and stepped outside “That ugly curtain is here to protect us from any disturbance that might come from the construction site !”
A. touched the green fabric.
“Not good !” she said “Noises still go through !”
We still heard the workers shouting and laughing to each other.
I managed it to open the curtain along it´s seam, so that we could have a look through a small opening.
It took me only a few seconds to understand what had happened.
There was the long chain of a pulley hanging down from the top of the new building, and it was still swinging back and forth.
“Somebody accidentally let the pulley go, so that the full load fell free to the ground from several storeys height !” I said.
“Oh my Buddha !” A. said again.
“Well, it looks like nobody is injured !” I said “The workers are still laughing ! Sometimes shit happens !”
“Mike !” A. said “I want to go home now. Are you o.k. ?”
“I´m o.k. T.luck !” I said “But why you want to leave me so early ? Are you scared of the construction site ?”
A. laughed.
“No !” she said “I just want to sleep in my room… in Jomtien. And I need to see my sister today !”
“O.K. !” I said “Thank you for going with me, A. ! We haven´t had much sleep last night… eh !?”
A. giggled.
“Yes, sexy man !” she said “I always hoped that you will come back Thailand, so that I can see you again. Will you come to What´s Up again tonight ?”
“I don´t know yet !” I answered “But I still have three and a half more weeks holidays in Pattaya. I´ll definitely visit your bar again in the next few days !”
“I´ll wait for you, T.luck !” she said and kissed me.
When A. was gone half an hour later, I went back to bed and slept till 11:30am.



REFLECTIONS ON THAI DANCING
“Mike, your friend comes !” the massage lady at Jomtien Beach said, whilst I was in a supine position under her treatment.
“Oh !” I said and tried to lift up and turn my head to look at SamSongTom who had just arrived.
But the masseuse touched my face with her soft hands´palms and pushed my head gently but resolutely back down onto the folded towel I used as a pillow.
“Me not finish with you now !” she said “Relax ! You friend see you already !”
“Yes mistress !” I answered “I´m too weak to run away from you anyway !”
The masseuse giggled.
“Yo Mikelsan !” I heard SamSongTom saying “I knew that I would find you here… at Mamasan´s place on the beach !”
“Well, I wonder that you have made it to come here that early !” I answered “It´s just 3:00pm !”
“Got woken up by a call from ThaiDancer three hours ago !” my friend said “He said that he couldn´t get you on the phone, because your phone was switched off !”
“Switched off ?” I asked “Never ! But I have noticed that there are sometimes problems to connect to the network whilst I stay in my room. Maybe the construction site and the green curtain cause too many interferences !”
“Sounds odd !” SamSongTom said “I don´t have any connection problems, even I stay in the same hotel !”
“So, what did the good old Bernysan say ?” I asked.
“Oh, nothing special !” my friend said “He just wanted to know how things are going here !”
“Hmmpflmummpfl hmumpf mflunmpflfmm !” I mumbled as the masseuse began with the face massage with one hand and covered my mouth with her other hand to stop me from talking.
“You speak too much !” she said and giggled “Can you please relax so me can make massage you ?”
SamSongTom laughed out loud.
“We will talk later, Mike !” he said and went to his deck chair “Obey your therapist´s orders now !”
The massage girl looked down at me and showed me the smile of a winner.
I did not complain that she disturbed my conversation with SamSongTom, because I knew her and her colleague since the year 2006.
She was allowed to make such a fun with us, because she was our friend.
After the massage I sat down beside SamSongTom and ordered a Coke.
“No alcohol tonight !” I said, more to myself than to my friend.
“So, what about women ?” SamSongTom asked.
“Not sure about that yet, mate !” I answered “I wonder how I was able to have sex with A. last night, after I took so many MekongCokes and VodkaNamSoms. I guess, it worked all fine because A. is a professional… and she knows how to handle me, because she was together with me two times already, one year ago ! Oh, I love it when a beautyful girl takes full control over me !”
SamSongTom laughed.
“I slept alone last night… well, in the little time that was still left of the night !” he said.
“Unbelievable !” I said “You slept alone !? I guess you are getting old, mate !”
“Nah !” my friend said “It was just o.k. for me ! I was drunk as hell when I returned to Soi 7 around 5:30 in the morning !”
“5:30 ? Great !” I said “So, what about ThaiDancer´s call ?”
“As I said… nothing special !” SamSongTom said “He just wanted to say Hello before he went to work in the morning. He called me around 12:00… so it has been 7:00am in Germany !”
I glanced at my watch.
“I´ll call him back tonight !” I said “It´s too early to do so now. He probably is still at work now. Has he mentioned anything about J. ?”
“Nope !” SamSongTom said “Should there be any news ? You should know better than me how the ThaiDancers´family life is going, because you live in the same town like them !”
“Believe it or not, Tommysan !” I answered “But I don´t know more than you !”
“Why is that ?” my friend asked.
“Well, first, Bernysan and me are both busy with work and can´t meet together frequently !” I explained “Second, I have given it up to give him any advices or to be interested in his family life any longer, even it is more than clear that J. is playing the typical bargirl games with him. More than half a year ago, ThaiDancer talked about getting divorced… and I didn´t understand why he was still hesitating. Meanwhile I understand that he is permanently persisting in the one misery he is familiar with. He is living a life that might be too boring for an ex Pattaya bargirl !”
“But I have expected a little bit more from J. !” SamSongTom said “She seemed to be different from the other working girls here !”
“Yup !” I said “I´m disappointed too. But maybe we should hear the other side too, before we judge her… I mean, we only know ThaiDancer´s version of the full story, and the things his brother told me. Bad things… of course. But somehow I still don´t understand what it was that drove J. to act like she is doing now !”
“Bah ! They are all the same !” SamSongTom said “Great ladies ! Real power women… admirable girls and professional caretakers here in Thailand. They could get everything from me as long as I´m here for holidays. But I would never sponsor one of them or bring her to Germany !”
“So, why you never warned ThaiDancer then ?” I asked “He was on travel together with you when he met J. for the first time in Silver Star A Go Go !”
“I did !” SamSongTom said “But Bernysan was in love… and I also believed that J. was a good girl. So, what could I have done ? Remember your time with K., Mike… I never tried to hold you back. Even when I sometimes tried to express my thoughts about her and you, you always found some excuses to allow yourself to stick together with K. all the time !”
“Hmmm… But I´m convinced that ThaiDancer´s story is completely different !” I said “J. is going her own way in life… and it is more than obvious that her so called cousin in Switzerland is a Farang man !”
“But you still say, that we should hear her story too before we judge her !” SamSongTom said “Why ?”
“I don´t know, mate !” I said “I don´t understand ThaiDancer anymore, not only regarding his marital life. But I don´t want to critisize him. He is going to celebrate his 50th birthday in coming summer. He is old enough to know what´s the best for him in life and what´s not. But after all that went wrong in his relationship with J., they both must see that it would be better to get divorced ! Maybe J. was just bored… and her attitudes to seek for fun and success in life has turned her into that what she is now. But this doesn´t changes the fact that a marital life like their´s would be unacceptable for me, or anybody else who knows a little bit about the ThaiDancers !”
“Make friendship with the Thai girls and you´ll have a lot of fun ! But never marry them and never sponsor them !” SamSongTom said “As far as I know, there are a few UKBKK members who have relationships with Thai girls. One of them has even built a house in Issan for an ex Anna Jet girl !”
“Fussychunk !” I said “A great man ! But his story is different from any of the other Thai-Farang relationships we heard about !”
“Come on, Mike !” SamSongTom said “Why do you think that Fussy´s story is different ? I would never build a house in the middle of nowhere for a girl who worked in a bar, in a country where a foreigner is not allowed to have properties !”
“I agree with you about the latter part of what you´ve said… about our status as foreigners in Thailand !” I answered “You and me… we don´t have the patience to learn Thai and we don´t have the knowledge of our rights as foreigners here in Thailand. We also don´t need all this, because we come here for holiday fun only. But that is just us ! Other people have other aims in life. I´m sure that our Fussy knows what he is doing… and I´m sure that he knows more about Thailand than you, me or ThaiDancer will ever know. Maybe, in another life I would have done the same as Fussy did. But not in this life in which I go on travel to Thailand only one time in a year. Don´t misunderstand me… I´m neither jealous for other people´s success, nor do I regret my decision to walk the path in life I´m on now. I´m fine with what I got and where I am… and I wish Fussy and his T.luck all the best in life !”
“It seems to me that you deny the main danger, Mike !” SamSongTom said “The danger that comes along in case the relationship fails. I think in Fussy´s case this would end up in a desaster… for him only ! He will loose everything he worked so hard for in the past few years !”
“That´s a part of the story we are not supposed to discuss, whilst Fussy himself is not here with us !” I said “But I´m convinced that he did the best one can do to avoid any desaster !”
“And what was that ?” my friend asked, sounding like he was bored with the subject of our chat already.
“He never tried to start the self-destructive Thai dance of beginning a marital life with his T.luck in the cold and dark realm of the Farangs !”



NANG FAR
“Hi LPT !” I said on the phone “How are you, mate ?”
“Wonderful, Mike !” LPT answered “I just call to ask you, if you are free for an afternoon drink !”
“Well, that´s great, because SamSongTom and I have the same idea !” I said “We have just returned from the beach and arrived in Minny Bar, here in Soi 7. Do you want to join us ?”
“Yes !” LPT said “Just tell me where in Soi 7 this Minny Bar is !”
After I had given him the directions, along with the promise that I will keep my eyes open for him on the street, SamSongTom asked me:
“Who was that ? Another island monkey ?”
“LPT !” I answered “The Englishman who joined us together with his T.luck on PeterP´s go go bar crawl last night !”
“Ah, yes !” SamSongTom said “A fine man ! I must confess that I understand his English better than PeterP´s. Hmmm… the others might speak some dialect, I guess !”
“Probably… yes !” I said “I hear the difference when they speak. But I don´t have any problem to understand them !”
“So, will he come here ?” my friend asked.
“Yes… together with his T.luck !” I answered “I promised to look for them on the street, because LPT hasn´t been so often in Soi 7 before !”
I began a chat with one of the girls in the bar, when I suddenly realised that SamSongTom was looking at me with a thoughtful face expression.
“What !?” I asked.
“Nothing !” SamSongTom said and smiled “I just thought about Thai dancing !”
“Thai dancing ?” I asked.
“Yes !” my friend said “Seems to me that you have created a new word to describe Thai-Farang relationships !”
“Only those relationships that are about to fail !” I said “Inspired by the name of ThaiDancer… marital Thai dancing… in case the Thai wife starts to dance according to her own music only !”
SamSongTom laughed.
“So, what about us ?” he asked “How would you call our situations with the girls !”
“Dunno !” I said “Maybe temporary rollercoaster ride, or something like that… Hey ! There´s LPT coming !”
I stood up from my chair, walked a few metres on the street and waved with my hand.
LPT spotted me and came towards me.
Even Minny Bar was about to get overcrowded with Farangs at 5:00pm already, we managed it to sit all together at the counter: SamSongTom, me, LPT and his T.luck.
I barely remember the subjects of our chat.
But I remember that I declined to join SamSongTom on another tour through the nightlife in Walking Street later in this night… and that it was my plan to sleep alone, after a few drinks in Soi 7 or Soi 8.
SamSongTom left us around 6:00pm to return to the hotel, whilst I stayed a little bit longer with LPT and T.luck in Minny Bar.
I felt slightly drunk again when I returned to Flipper House around 8:00pm to meet up with SamSongTom in the hotel´s restaurant.
After dinner, my friend wanted to join me on my little tour in Soi 7 and Soi 8, before he wanted to hit Walking Street.
But I had to inform him that I needed to return to my room first, to take a shower and to get ready for the night.
“You haven´t been in your room since you´ve left Minny Bar ?” he asked.
“As you can see, I´m still wearing the same shirt and my shorts like when I went to the beach today !” I answered “So, please don´t wait for me. I´ll go outside again in one hour from now !”
“You can find me somewhere in Walking Street later !” SamSongTom said “Just send me a text, in case you change your mind and want to come to Walking Street tonight !”
Back in my room, I realised that it was one of these nights I would better stay at home.
The San Miguels and Changs in the afternoon had made me tired as hell, and I wasn´t even the mood to meet some girls or to have a few more drinks.
I went to toilet, took a shower and began to put on my trousers and a nice shirt… I was getting ready to go outside… But I did everything like a machine… like when going outside was a must do !
For the first time since my arrival, I switched on the TV set in my room.
While I put on my shoes, I watched the sneak preview of Lord Of The Rings, part 3 they were going to show in TV on the next morning.
“Great !” I thought “What idiot had the glorious idea to show this great movie that early in the morning ?”
I finally made the decision to go outside… now that I was dressed already.
I switched off the TV set, right in the moment an Orc leader shouted his commands to attack the city of Minas Tirith.
I wandered around in Soi 7, found a bar, sat down and ordered a drink.
Later I switched over to non alcoholic drinks and ended up in the ladyboy zone of Soi 8.
Cloud Nine Bar was still as great as in the year before and I ordered drinks for the band members as well as for the little thing beside me, I didn´t know if it was a girl or a ladyboy.
But I still felt dead tired.
So, I left Cloud Nine, alone, around 11:30pm to have a last drink at Anna Jet.
When I entered Anna Jet, I saw an angel dancing at the bar´s entrance.
It was one of the girls, wearing a white dress.
I sat down inside the bar and began my usual chat with PeterP and Doctor B.
But the little angel at the entrance was a real eye catcher.
Nevertheless, I hesitated to invite her to have a drink on me, because she was so small and seemed to be too young for me.
It took me one hour and three MekongCokes till I finally stood up from my chair and approached her.
“You look like an angel !” I said to her “Do you want to sit with me for a drink !”
“Khop Khun Kha !” the girl said and followed me to my table.
Her name was R., her English was good and she was 30 years old already.
The latter aspect was surprising for me, because she looked more like a teenager than a 30 years old woman.
But during our chat, I realised that it was true… somehow I could study it from her eyes.
I also realised that her small appearance had made me think that she was much younger.
“I like you say little angel to me !” R. said and giggled “Maybe you think, I´m angel, because I have white dress !”
“Yes !” I answered “But also your cute smile makes me think that you are an angel !”
“Nang Far !” she said “I like this name !”
“Nang… what ?” I asked.
“Nang Far !” she said again “That´s Thai for angel !”
“Ah… yes !” I said “Nang Far ! Sounds nice, little angel !”
R. giggled and her cute face and smile made me forget all my plans to return to my hotel early or to join SamSongTom in Walking Street later.
My little angel turned out to be very chatty.
She told me why she loved it to wear a white dress.
“I go Buddha temple very often !” she explained “I love place in Rayong !”
My ex-girlfriend K. came in my mind when Nang Far began to tell me about her visits in a Buddhist temple.
But I also sensed that Nang Far was different from the moody K., who has only used her religious attitudes to escape from real life.
So, I showed some interest in Nang Far´s stories, which seemed to surprise her.
“You want to see ?” she asked “Temple in Rayong ?”
“I don´t think that I´ll make it down there !” I answered.
“No, no !” Nang Far said “I show you picture !”
With this, she left our place and went through the door to the stairways of Anna Jet guesthouse.
PeterP, who sat at the other end of the bar, looked at me with an amused face expression and made a hand gesture to encourage me to follow the girl up to her room.
I laughed.
Doctor B. flicked her hair nonchalantly again, like everytime when I was together with another girl.
The well known drinks mistress passed by me and said “You are going to be sexy man again tonight… eh !?”
O., the girl who was together with me in my first night out, ignored me and began working the pole when the DJ played one of the best House music songs of the year.
R. returned to my table with a small photo album in her hand.
Together we viewed the photos, and it seemed to me that the little angel had a story to tell for every single picture.
I recognized some of the statues and frescos of the temple in Rayong as definitely non Buddhist art.
But I knew that the Thai Buddhism was influenced by Hindu symbolism as well as by religious art from China.
Without showing off with my knowledge I mentioned the names of the gods and goddesses I saw on the pictures.
“Ganesha, Shiva, Lakshmi, Durga and this could be Muruga… the second son of Shiva !” I said “Aaah, well that´s a Tamil name. I guess you call him Karthikeya or Skanda !”
Nang Far looked at me with a surprised face expression.
“You know everything… Who are you ?” she asked and began to fumble at the collar of my shirt, because she had just spotted the leather necklace I wear around my neck.
She found the polished steel pendant, which is not bigger than a 1 Euro coin, I wear under my shirt and took it out to have a look.
“Buddha !” she said.
“No, I´m not Buddha !” I said and smiled “I bought this in an online shop, one year ago. It shows a Japanese image of Maitreya… the Buddha of the future. Normaly I don´t like to wear such stuff. But I stumbled over it whilst I surfed the web and… I just liked it. So, I bought it. It reminds me of the time I was in a seminary to learn about Zen Buddhism, a long time ago !”
“You have learned about Buddha ?” Nang Far asked.
“Well, that´s a long time ago !” I said “I guess, I failed to become a good Buddhist. But I´m still a good man… eh !?”
“You are !” Nang Far said and embraced me in a very possessive way.
It seemed to me that she was feeling like when she had just found something special and that she wanted to hold it, never to give it away anymore.
“I want go with you tonight !” she said.
“Shall I put the barfine for R. on your bill, Mike ?” I heard PeterP´s voice beside me.
“Yup !” I mumbled through Nang Far´s hair.


HOPE IS CANDLE
Nang Far really was a little angel !
To be together with her, even it was just for one night, was a real girlfriend experience for me.
But she really surprised me on the next morning, after an almost sleepless night:
I wasn´t feeling perfectly well.
But I knew for myself why my condition was so bad.
Four days in Pattaya without getting much sleep, but too much alcohol all the time.
I was now looking forward to a quiet afternoon, followed by a quiet night.
But Nang Far was still with me and she seemed to admire me, whilst I felt like a fat old bastard who shouldn´t be allowed to be together with such a tiny girl.
Around 11:00am I suggested that we get up from the bed.
I lied that I wanted to meet a friend in one hour.
But my main reason was caused by my own selfish and stubborn attitudes in life.
Even being together with Nang Far was a dream, I didn´t believe that it was real.
It´s not that I couldn´t believe… I just didn´t want to believe or to forget my prejudices against falling in love with a Thai girl.
“It works for other Farangs, but not for me !” I thought “Not in this life !”
I went into the bathroom to wake myself up with a cold shower.
Through the rushing water I suddenly heard symphonic music.
Nang Far had switched on the TV set.
I wished that she would come into the bathroom to take a shower together with me instead of watching Thai TV.
When I returned into my room, I saw Nang Far sitting cross-legged on the carpet floor at the foot end of my bed, looking like a dreamy child into the TV.
Like they had announced on the evening before, they played Peter Jackson´s Return Of The King, which was the third part of the Lord Of The Rings trilogy.
Nang Far had switched on the TV set right in the moment when my favorite scene of the trilogy was about to begin:

YouTube link:
The lighting of the beacons


“Lord Of The Rings, Mike ?” Nang Far asked “Is this Lord Of The Rings ?”
“Yes, angel !” I said “But this is the third part already !”
“I never see before !” she said “But I always want !”
I didn´t answer, because one side in me wanted to get ready for the day, which necessarely would result in sending Nang Far home, whilst the other side in me wanted to watch this movie scene again.
So, I sat down beside her.
Nang Far took my hand and together we watched the Hobbit Peregrin Tuk climbing up the tower of Minas Tirith and setting the stack of wood on top of it on fire.
Then there was the breathtaking view over the Pelennor fields, when Gandalf said “Hope is candle !” and the beacon of Amun Dhin was lit.
We watched the breathtaking flight over the mountains, where beacon by beacon was lit to inform the realm of Rohan that Gondor calls for aid.
Nang Far seemed to be excited by sight and sound of this great movie scene.
“Cold !” she whispered and shivered during the camera´s flight over the snow-covered mountains.
Even I had watched this scene so often already, I was once again impressed especially of the music, composed by Howard Shore, which gives me goosebumps everytime I listen to the soundtracks of The Lord Of The Rings trilogy.
The scene ended with Aragorn who spotted a lightend beacon on a mountain´s peak and got up on his feet to inform King Theoden that Gondor calls for aid in the battle against the evil forces of Mordor.
With the end of the scene, a commercial break pushed us back into reality.
Nang Far looked at me.
“Wow !” she said “I really want to watch everything !”
“Today ?” I asked.
“No, no !” she said “I must go my room now… and must see my friend later ! And you must see your friend soon !”
“There are three movies !” I said “This one was the third movie already. But you should watch the first and second part first !”
“I know !” she said whilst she got up on her feet and switched off the TV set “One day I want see them all. Is this how Farang people lived in old times ?”
“No and yes !” I said and laughed “Lord Of The Rings is just a fantasy story, inspired by things Farang people of the old times believed in !”
“Not about Buddha or God ?” Nang Far said “Only monsters and devils !”
“Some little angels too !” I said.
“That´s why Farang come Thailand ?” she asked and giggled.
“Maybe !” I answered seriously “The hope that there is something better than that what we know from our homeland maybe drives us to travel around in the world !”
Nang Far looked at me for a long while.
“I believe you !” she said “Because you know Buddha !”
I didn´t switch on the TV set again when Nang Far was gone.
But I stayed in my room for one more hour, because I didn´t feel well and strange thoughts were in my mind.
For the first time since I had said goodbye to MissMoody in the year 2007, I began to rethink my opinions about Farang-Thai relationships.
Nang Far definitely was one of those girls that could change an old butterfly´s attitudes towards life.
But my reasons for not surrendering to such changes were different.
A girl like Nang Far deserved something better than living together with me.
Nevertheless, I wanted to see her again, even I still didn´t believe that her interest in Lord Of The Rings or Farang cultures, mythologies and fantasy stories was completely true.
She was still a bargirl… and as a bargirl, she was first looking for money before she would fall in love with any Farang.
I remembered what I had told SamSongTom about Fussychunk and his T.luck… about the way how to avoid a desaster.
But no… I couldn´t ever walk a similar path in life.
I prefer the rollercoaster rides, which always come to an end when holidays are over.
About Nang Far… Should I have told her more about me ? About my life back home ? About how Tolkien´s books had tought me in English so many years ago ? Or even that Lord Of The Rings is the one classic fantasy story, I was waiting for almost half my life to see as a movie ?
No !
All this stuff doesn´t belongs to Pattaya !
Pattaya is fun… Pattaya is holidays… at least for us Farangs.
The fact that friendship and love can be bought in Pattaya, is part of the dark side.
Nobody is really interested in us, unless we pay for it.
I don´t remember anymore if it was a Buddhist teaching or some philosopher´s wise words:
“Be in the world. But not of it !”
In the meaning of these words I always understood, that I have to keep my eyes and my mind wide open, without getting too involved into any affairs.
Holidays had to be over soon… and Nang Far would forget me.
It´s better for her anyway.
But maybe, if a Thai bar girl learns to understand and respect other cultures, we Farangs can do so too.
Nang Far tought me a simple lesson:
Hope is candle !


ANOTHER QUIET NIGHT AT ANNA JET
“Don´t be angry with me, Tommysan !” I said on the phone “I don´t go anywhere today, not even in the coming night !”
“That´s o.k., Mikelsan !” SamSongTom said “But what if one of the island monkeys calls you today and wants to meet up with you ?”
“They will accept my decision as well as you should accept it !” I answered “Just allow me to get some rest today. But tonight I will go for a quick visit to Anna Jet, because AJ board member Yogi has arrived in Pattaya !”
“Ah… Another island monkey !” SamSongTom said “I knew it !”
“Come on, Tommysan !” I said “Join me tonight and you´ll see that the coming night is going to be a quiet night for me !”
Later, SamSongTom was off to Jomtien Beach and I visited MissOnline´s internet café in Flipper House.
The rest of the afternoon I spent at the hotel´s swimming pool and in my room.
Nang Far was still in my mind and I wondered what would happen if I meet her again at Anna Jet in the coming night.
I received an SMS from Yogi saying:
I HAVE ARRIVED HERE YESTERDAY NIGHT… SEE YOU AND KENNYBOY AT AJ´S TONIGHT… AROUND 9:00PM !
“Kennyboy !” I thought “I forgot you. I wonder where you are right now !”
Unfortunately I hadn´t had any phone number of Kennyboy, because I had met him only one time… and that was on my first night out.
I replied Yogi´s text:
O.K. SEE YOU AT 9:00… DON´T KNOW WHERE KENNYBOY IS.
After a lazy afternoon in Flipper House, I met up with SamSongTom in Aussie Bar for one or two drinks before we went to a restaurant.
After dinner we went straight to Anna Jet.
But it was clear that SamSongTom wanted to go to Walking Street again later.
“I met N. again last night !” he said “But we couldn´t talk much, because Jt. of Party Bar was with me again. Tonight I have an appointment with N. !”
“Oh good !” I said and looked around in Anna Jet.
“You seem to be a bit absent minded !” SamSongTom said “Why you look around, like you are searching for something !”
“Yogi should be here by now !” I said “And I´m looking for my last night´s girl !”
“Ah !” my friend said “Do I know her ?”
“Her names is R. !” I said “I don´t think that you know her !”
“Hmmm… R. !” SamSongTom said “The same R. you informed me that she was after me, two years ago ?”
“What ?” I asked “I don´t remember that story. But the R. I´m talking about… I have never seen her before here at Anna Jet on my previous trips !”
“You don´t remember ?” SamSongTom asked “But it was you who wanted to bring her and me together !”
“Give me a break !” I said “I never did so ! Ah… overthere at the pool table. This guy looks like Yogi !”
I stood up from my chair and went to the pool table.
I positioned myself at the bar´s entrance and looked at the bald guy who was playing pool with one of the service women.
The guy looked at me.
“MekongMike !” he shouted and came over to me to shake my hand “I´m glad to meet you !”
“Join me and my friend overthere !” I said.
“Where is Kennyboy ?” Yogi asked.
“I must confess that I don´t know !” I answered “I have met him on my first night out. But I haven´t seen him again since that time. Maybe PeterP knows where he is !”
“Well, let´s hope that he found a cute lady who takes good care of him all the time !” Yogi said “I´ll come over to your place in a few minutes, mate. Let me just finish that game with the lady here !”
“You are playing games with ladies ?” I asked.
“Pool !” Yogi said and laughed “Just pool ! I´m a decent Farang, you know !”
I returned to SamSongTom who was chatting with a girl named An.
I ordered one more round of drinks, when SamSongTom asked me for Yogi.
“He will join us in a few minutes, after he has finished the game at the pool table !” I said “But, huh… What happened to him now ?”
SamSongTom turned around… and we both looked at Yogi, who seemed to be in pain.
I realised that he had a painful problem with his back… some sort of lumbago, maybe from playing pool.
“What is he doing overthere ?” SamSongTom asked “Will he join us, or will he fall to pieces right overthere ?”
One of the girls began to massage Yogi´s back already.
“Maybe we should call Doctor B. !” I said and laughed “It´s an emergency !”
“Looks like the good old Yogi is having back problems again !” PeterP said, who had just arrived in the bar “Nothing has changed since he was here last time !”
“Hi Pete !” I said “Yogi has just asked me for Kennyboy. Have you seen him in the last few days ?”
“Nope !” PeterP said “But I´m sure he is fine, even the fact that he didn´t pop up here again since your first night out is a little bit strange. But I know he has some friends overthere in a bar on the other side of Second Road. Maybe he is sticking together with them all the time… or with a girl. Maybe you have scared him away, Mike. Who knows !”
“Thanks for that !” I said and laughed “The bar on the other side of Second Road… That must be the Mickey´s Bar he mentioned in the forum !”
I wanted to ask PeterP for Nang Far, but got disturbed by Yogi who came to our table and shouted: “Hi lads ! I´m so happy to be back !”
“Looks like you had a quick recovery from your recent back pain !” I said “The healing powers of a Thai girl´s hands, eh !?”
“Yup !” Yogi said “Let´s have a drink together. Next round is on me !”
“Good !” we said all together.
“Pete ! Inform Anna that she should join us !” I said and Yogi laughed out loud.
After I had introduced SamSongTom to Yogi, we drifted away in our chats with the girls.
Doctor B. was with me… But there was no sign of Nang Far.
I knew that it was useless to ask B. or any other girl for her, because they would tell me strange stories again, but would never tell me that she was barfined already.
Well, I could easy calculate 1+1… and imagining where a bargirl was when she wasn´t in the bar was as same easy.
So, I sticked with my friends, chatted with B. and took more drinks as I had planned to take in this night.
In the end, I felt drunk again… and god damn tired.
Yogi left us, because he wanted to meet his T.luck from the night before again.
He was talking about a bar in Soi Buakhao where the girls wear uniforms… and I asked him if he had ended up in a police station instead in his hotel on his arrival day.
SamSongTom tried to encourage me to join him on a visit in Party Bar, because PL wanted to see me again.
But I declined.
More than ever before I felt the need to sleep alone.
“Tell my MissInsomnia that I´ll come to Party Bar tomorrow night !” I said.
When everybody was gone, I had only Doctor B. beside me, who wanted to take care of me.
But for some reasons, I felt to weak and not longer in the mood to take a girl with me to Flipper House.
At 1:00am, I checked bill and went back to my room… alone.

KRA WHOOM !!!
I woke up from the loud noise at 8:30 in the morning… and in the first few seconds I was more confused of the fact that there was no girl beside me, than of the loud noise.
Once again I heard the shoutings of the workers outside.
“There goes another load off the pulley !” I thought and fell back into sleep.





…to be continued

Pattaya - Jomtien - Pattaya

CHANG NOI
“Tac, tac, tac, tac, tac... Toc, toc, toc... ting, ting, tong, tong, tong !”
O, the Anna Jet girl woke me up at 10:00am by making noises like a little child who has just discovered some new and amazing sounds on the street.
“Brrrrrrrrrr… brrrrrrrrr ! Oh, ting tong !” She said and sat up beside me in the bed.
“Hey ! What´s up ?” I asked still half asleep, but amused already.
“Your room not good !” O said. “Hotel not good… same same loud like my room at Anna Jet !”
“What ?” I asked.
“You not hear ?” she asked “Construction outside. Flipper House makes hotel new !”
I tried to concentrate my senses on the noises coming from outside.
It was there… the sound of hammers, engines and noisy workers.
But it wasn´t disturbing at all.
Well, that´s not completely true, because O and me hadn´t had much sleep in the night.
So, it would have been nice to have a good sleep in the morning, without waking up from any disturbing noises.
But it was clear that this was impossible… now as O was awake, probably still full of ideas for other bedroom activities.
“It´s not that loud !” I said “It´s there… but it´s nothing… as long as the balcony door is closed !”
O looked at me and giggled.
“What´s so funny ?” I asked.
“I think you mao too much !” she said “So, you can not hear noises from outside. You sleep deep and you snore louder than the tac tac ting tong noise outside !”
“Snoring… me ?” I asked, knowing full well that she was right.
“Yes !” she said and continued giggling “Like old elephant !”
I sat up quickly in the bed.
“Elephant !? I said loud, playing the insulted lover “You call me an elephant !?”
“Yes !” O answered “Just a small elephant… Chang Noi !”
I grabbed her by her hips and tickled her.
She winced and laughed out loud.
“Elephant… me !?” I said “I´ll show you what Farang elephants do with naughty little Thai girls !”
“Yes !” she said and pulled me down to the pillows “I love Farang elephant !”
“And I love naughty little Thai girls !” I said.
“Naugh… ty, crazy lady Thai in Farang´s green room !” she giggled.
I looked around and realised that my room was set in dim green light, because I forgot to cover the balcony door with the curtain before we went to bed.
Now sunlight illuminated the room… sunlight that had to pass through another, green curtain,- the curtain that covered the whole building outside, to protect the hotel from the dust of the construction site near by.
“Hmmm… !” I said “Maybe I have to ask at the reception if I can have another curtain in front of my balcony. What about a red one ? The colour red is more exciting for a man and a woman in a bedroom !”
“Good idea ! But I don´t care about colour and light !” O answered and kissed me “I only need my Chang Noi Mike !”

CHOM TIAN
I went downstairs at 12:30pm, 30 minutes after O had left me.
Had a small breakfast/lunch in the restaurant of Flipper House and went into MissOnline´s internet café.
SamSongTom had made it clear to me, that I should not call him that early.
So, I was looking forward to meet up with him at Jomtien Beach, later.
While I posted my first trip report to the UKBKK board, I noticed that the girl who worked in the internet café had a big belly… MissOnline was pregnant.
After I had paid for my internet access, I talked with her for a while.
“Baby comes in June !” she said “Same same like baby of lady who works coffee shop in Flipper House !”
I wished MissOnline good luck and went outside 30 minutes later.
It wasn´t so hot outside like in the years before, when I went to Pattaya in April.
The March climate was moderate… But I knew that this wouldn´t last long.
Hot season would come soon.
I flagged down a Baht Bus on Beach Road and off I was, to Jomtien Beach.
Soon after arrival at our regular place on the beach, I realised that the service staff we knew from the years before was gone.
But it was o.k. for me… I was convinced that the new staff would do their job as same good as the people did who worked here before.
It didn´t last long till I spotted two familiar faces: The two massage ladies I knew from my previous trips were still working.
They came over to me for a chat and… of course to offer me a massage, which I did not reject.
After the massage, I began reading in the book I had brought with me from Germany.
“The Wheel Of Darkness” by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child… once again an English original edition, like the books I read on my previous trips.
It was 3:00pm when I realised that SamSongTom was still missing.
I decided to call him.
“Mikelsan !” I heard his voice on the phone “Sorry mate… Today I will not come to the beach. I came back from my night out at 6:30 in the morning today. But I´m looking forward to meet you in Soi 7, later !”
“I will return around 5:00pm !” I said “Where can I find you ?”
“Minny Bar !” he said “Or do you want to go somewhere else ?”
“No !” I said “Minny Bar or Aussie Bar were always great for an afternoon drink !”
Before I left Jomtien Beach, I called Martinlanna to check out how things were going on the island monkey front.
I talked with him about our coming meet ups and promised to visit him in his house in Jomtien on the next day.
SamSongTom didn´t look like somebody who has been outside the whole last night and hadn´t got much sleep in the morning ( …with regards to the fact that he did not return to Flipper House alone ).
“How many of your island monkeys will come here ?” he asked.
I told him what I knew from the board´s calendar and from the messages I had received in the days before I had left Germany.
“Hope this will not be too stressful for you !” he said “I mean… in my opinion it might be very difficult to get so many people, who are probably all different from each other, together for a meet up !”
“I don´t see any problem !” I said “If there is a will, there´ll be a way too. I´ll do everything I can to meet up with all of them. You don´t need to do the same, if you don´t like ! I´m going to visit Martinlanna in Jomtien tomorrow ! He has a house overthere at View Talay Villas. One week aho, he wrote in a PM on the board, that you can come too. What do you think ?”
“What time, tomorrow ?” SamSongTom asked
“I will call him tomorrow as soon as I wake up !” I said “Probably early afternoon time !”
“I don´t know about tomorrow, Mike !” my friend said “We will see. But don´t wait for me if you want to go early !”

SOI KATHOEY
“Looks like Soi 8 is full of ladyboys !” SamSongTom said while we walked down Soi 7 towards Beach Road “You will see for yourself later. They are in every single bar, except in Party Bar !”
Some girls of one of the Soi 7 beer bars grabbed our arms and we allowed them to pull us to the seats.
“It always was a great idea to have a drink before going to Pink Lady Restaurant !” I said.
But SamSongTom had company already and did not listen to me.
The girl beside him was a real stunner, but… something was wrong !
“I have a bad feeling about her !” I said in German.
“Me too !” SamSongTom answered “Looks like she is… different ! How can we check it out ?”
“Remember my newest thread on UKBKK !” I said “There is only one way… Rishathra !”
“Rish… what ?” he asked “Ah yes ! I remember… sexual practice outside one´s own species… eh !? Like in those science fiction novels you talked about. The question is if having sex with a… you know what,- I don´t want to say the English word… would be the same like Rishathra !”
“At least she is a human !” I said and laughed “But no Rishathra for me… never !”
“I thought you are my friend !” SamSongTom said “You have all the knowledge of this Ringworld and KnownSpace stuff, because you have read all the books. So, you are a professional… Why you don´t do me a favor and check things out for me ?”
I laughed.
“The author Larry Niven didn´t say anything about this !” I said.
Another girl joined us at the bar´s counter… and she was definitely female.
She sat down beside me and I bought her a drink.
Soon we drifted away in our chats with the girls… and the loud music all around didn´t allow me to follow SamSongTom´s conversation with the suspicious girl beside him.
“Your friend… him like ladyboy ?” the girl beside me asked.
“I don´t know !” I answered “Are there any ladyboys around here ?”
The girl giggled.
“Him good boy !” she said.
“Yes, I know !” I answered “My friend Tommysan is a good boy !”
The girl laughed out loud.
“I don´t mean friend-you !” she said.
I played the confused first timer and said:
“So, which boy do you mean ? I see only two boys… my friend and myself ! No other customers here, because it is still early tonight !”
The girl giggled.
“I know you know !” she said “You are funny man !”
“Time to go !” SamSongTom suddenly said “I´m hungry !”
We checked bill and said goodbye to the girls.
Back on the street I gave both girls a kiss on their cheeks, before we marched on.
“Yours´was a ladyboy !” I said when we reached Beach Road.
“How do you know ?” SamSongTom asked.
“My girl told me !” I answered.
“Really ?” my friend asked “So, why did you kiss both girls, even one of them was a ladyboy ?”
“Don´t know !” I answered “Just for the fun !”
SamSongTom said something in German, which was the equivalent of the English word “bugger”.
After dinner we walked down Soi 8.
SamSongTom was right.
Soi 8 was full of ladyboys.
“Where are we ?” I asked “Is this really Soi 8 ?”
“Yup !” SamSongTom said “I really don´t understand what´s in some bar owners´minds. Some of the beer bars have ladyboys only… others have some cute definitely female girls on the street. But once you are in the bar, only the ladyboys want to take care of you !”
“What about this new Bada Bing A Go Go I visited with board member BigBadBaz last year ?” I asked.
“It´s closed already !” SamSongTom answered “I wanted to give the bar a visit on my first night out after arrival in Pattaya, because you have recommended it. But I found the bar closed !”
“I remember that Baz wrote in a PM to me on the board, that the place wasn´t so good anymore when he visited it again a few months after our meet up !” I said “Maybe they were unable to catch up with the new Soi 8 trend !”
“What´s the new trend ?” SamSongTom asked.
“Rishathra !” I answered.
“Oh, you are crazy !” my friend said “Let´s go to Party Bar ! Jt or The Marshall are probably waiting for me already. There are too many masculine faces all around here in the beer bars ! Soi 8 has to be renamed into Soi Masculine !”
“Soi Kathoey !” I said as we went through the door into the air conditioned interior of Insomnia Party Bar.

SOI JET
“I remember you !” Jt said “Your name is Mike !”
“Nice to see you again !” I said “You are now one of Party Bar´s leading dancers at the window… hmmm !?”
“Yes !” she answered and smiled “It´s good to work here !”
I knew that she once was a freelancer who used to hang around in Marine One, where SamSongTom met her one year ago.
I had a look around in the bar and spotted some familiar faces.
First there was this resolute, but also funny woman in her 40ties who was a Mamasan in the bar.
She came over to me and gave me a bear hug.
Second… there was N4… the girl who celebrated her 38th birthday when I was in Pattaya in November 2007.
I remembered that I had barfined her two times when I spent my 2007 comp.time in Fun City… and since that time we were friends.
I bought her a drink… but unfortunately she worked as a waitress now and seemed to be very busy with serving drinks.
No time for a chat with N4.
But it didn´t last long till I got company.
Her name was PL and she was a friend of Jt.
PL was another great dancer at the window… and she was a girl who could easily get a job in a go go bar.
We spent far too much time in Party Bar, drinking and chatting with the girls and Ni and An who were two of the Australian bosses of Party Bar and Insomnia.
So, we canceled our plan to go to Walking Street in that night.
SamSongTom barfined Jt again and I barfined PL.
And it was SamSongTom´s idea to go back to Anna Jet for a last drink.
Jt seemed to be slightly drunk already and PL was very amused about her.
Anna Jet was very quiet in that night, when we arrived there around 1:30am.
Doctor B flicked her hair nonchalantly as she spotted me and PL entering the bar… But I knew that she did so to make fun with me.
B was my friend… and she was a professional in everything she did in the bar or when she was together with a customer.
I knew that she was just amused about me and wanted to tease me a little bit.
PeterP was still in the bar and I was surprised that he knew Jt and PL.
He encouraged our girls to dance on the Anna Jet pole and had a few drinks together with us.
SamSongTom and I bought drinks for the DJ, because he played our favorite music: Another new version of Global Deejays´Sound Of San Francisco.
One hour later Jt showed signs of wear.
She was totally drunk now and I said to SamSongTom that he should better go back to Flipper House with her.
Even we spoke in German, Jt realised that we had been talking about her.
“I´m fine !” she said and… while she was about to fall from her chair, she showed me a V sign with her fingers.
SamSongTom caught her before she could fall from the chair.
“Are you o.k. ?” he asked.
“Hmmm… yes !” Jt answered.
“You want to go to my hotel room now ?” SamSongTom asked.
“Yessss !” she answered.
My friend looked at me and PL giggled beside me.
“We better bring those party girls back to our rooms !” he said “Before it is too late !”
I looked at PL.
“PL seems to be fine !” I said “But you are right ! Take care of Jt ! PL and me will have one more drink before we leave !”
I watched SamSongTom and Jt leaving the bar and walking down Soi 7 towards Flipper House.
“Tommysan, the caretaker !” I thought and smiled.
It was around 3:00am when I said goodbye to PeterP and went together with PL to the hotel.
In the little night time that was still left, PL had her methods to keep me awake… and we both enjoyed it.
So, I gave her the nickname MissInsomnia.

VIEW TALAY
15 minutes after I had sent my SMS to Martinlanna to ask him at what time in the afternoon I should come to his place in Jomtien, I sat down in the restaurant of Flipper House to have my delayed breakfast.
It was noon already, but probably still too early to call SamSongTom.
I ordered some rice soup with shrimps and began to read in my book, when Martinlanna called me.
“Any time, Mike !” he said “I don´t go anywhere before later in the afternoon. So, come out here as soon as you can !”
“O.K. Mart !” I said “I have just ordered something to eat here in Flipper House. But I will catch a Baht bus to Jomtien Beach Road in half an hour from now !”
“Do you know the way to View Talay Villas ?” Martinlanna asked.
“Yes !” I answered “I have virtually walked all the way from our place at Jomtien Beach to View Talay Villas already when I was at home in Germany… by using PattayaPhotoGuide.com and GoogleEarth !”
At 1:00pm I was on my way.
Before that I had tried to get SamSongTom on the phone.
But it seemed to me that his phone was switched off.
So, I sent an SMS to him to inform him about my plan to visit Martinlanna.
I got off the Baht Bus near by the golden Hanuman statue in Jomtien.
At first I thought about getting a motorbike taxi there… But I decided to walk all the way, like I did virtually when I visited the PattayaPhotoGuide site in the web.
I walked up to Jomtien Beach Road, then up to Soi 5 and… I really enjoyed the walk, because it wasn´t too hot on that day and because I recognized all the shops and buildings in Soi 5, even I had never been there before in real life.
I was very amused to see the construction site opposite the top of Soi 5.
Everything looked like in the pictures on PattayaPhotoGuide, like if the workers hadn´t made any progress in the past week since I viewed the pictures on the website.
I crossed the road and entered the small side lane, which lead me to the entrance of View Talay Villas.
Two extra ordinary cute girls walked from that entrance gate towards me.
I was sure that they were bar girls who had just left a customer… and I was wondering if they came from a visit at Martinlanna´s home.
They both smiled to me and giggled as they passed by.
One of them looked more like an Indian girl… But who knows ? Maybe a Thai-Cambodian mix !?
“No wonder that you feel like a rabbit, Mart !” I thought and smiled while I took my mobile phone out of my pocket.
“Hi Mart !” I said on the phone “I´m at the entrance gate now. Some security officers here. Can I simply pass and walk on ?”
“Yes !” Martinlanna answered “Just come in !”
“Where do I have to go now ?” I asked after I had walked through the entrance.
“I´ll come outside !” he said “Just turn to the left and have a look. You can see me already !”
There he was !
Martinlanna stood in 50 metres distance from me near the entrance of his house and waved with his left hand to me, still holding the phone on his ear with his right hand.
“Do you see me ?” he asked.
“Yes !” I answered and waved to him.
“Welcome to View Talay Villas !” Martinlanna said when I arrived.
“Good to see you, Mart !” I answered and shook his hand.
He guided me to his house… and I must say that I was very impressed by the little garden lawn, the small swimming pool in front of the terrace and the large glass sliding door of the house.
“Wow !” I said when I stepped into the interior “That´s definitely a great place to stay !”
“Yes !” Martinlanna said “That´s why I always use to come here, whenever I stay in Jomtien for holidays !”
“Much better than my hotel room !” I said “I must confess that Flipper House is o.k. for me as long as I can´t stay in Pattaya for longer than four weeks. But when I retire and get the chance to stay two or three months like board member S1xer does, I will definitely try to get a place like this !”
“Please sit down !” Martinlanna said “Sorry for all the stuff that is lying around here. But my two… guests have just left me, minutes before you arrived here. And the room maiden hasn´t been here to do her job. I will make some coffee for us. I really need a strong one now, because I feel a little bit exhausted this morning. A bad hangover, you know !?”
“Have you been a rabbit again ?” I asked.
We both laughed.
Whilst having a coffee, we talked about various things… about Thailand, about Thai ladies and about our internet presence.
Later we went to a small restaurant in Soi 5… because sometimes even rabbits must eat.
Looking back on this afternoon at Mart´s place, I realise that I have learned a lot about Thailand from him.
He knows many things… the Thai language included.
I think a frequent traveller to Thailand should meet a man like Martinlanna at least one time on all his travels, to get some informations and head ups of how things go in Thailand.
After lunch we returned to his house and continued our interesting chat, whilst a very quiet room maiden went in and out to do her job.
“Tonight is PeterP´s go go bar crawl !” I said “Will you come to our meeting point at Anna Jet around 9:00pm tonight ?”
“Yes !” Martinlanna answered “Have you ever been on such a tour together with Pete ?”
“Yup !” I said “PeterP collects 1000 Baht from each of us. We don´t need to pay for our drinks in the bars where he guides us to. Except the ladydrinks and barfines… Those we have to pay from our own pockets. But Pete is not the type of man who would force anyone, who wants to join him, to give him 1000 Baht ! But you can save money by allowing Pete to be your guide who pays for the drinks !”
“I´ll be there… at 9:00 !” Martinlanna said “Don´t know yet if I will join you guys on the tour or not. Planning ahead is useless in Pattaya, you know !? Anyway… I will enjoy to meet up with you again tonight !”
I left Martinlanna´s home around 4:00pm to meet up with SamSongTom at Jomtien Beach.
Once again I entered Soi 5… this time from the top of the lane, and walked down to Beach Road where I crossed the street and had a nice walk on the seaside promenade.
“Mister Chang !?” I heard a female voice shouting “Mike ! Michael Chang !”
I glanced at the beach.
One of the service girls there knew me… and I recogniced her face.
She was one of the girls who had worked at our place on the beach one year ago… and soon I spotted more familiar faces… even our old Mamasan was there.
I realised that Mamasan and her staff had just shifted their workplace from near by the police booth up to another place, only 100 metres away from our regular place.
I jumped down from the sidewalk into the sand and walked to Mamasan.
“Hi Mister Chang !” Mamasan said and gave me a bear hug “Good to see you again ! Where you go ? Please take a seat… and have a Chang !”
The girl beside her giggled.
“Mister Chang… eh !? I said “It was you who gave me that name two years ago on a rainy afternoon, when I drank so many Chang beers. You know what ? After that I fell asleep in the Baht Bus and missed to get off at Soi 7 in Pattaya !”
The Mamasan laughed out loud.
“Yes ! I remember that story !” she said “But what about this time ? When have you arrived in Thailand ? Are you travelling alone or together with your friend again ? Will you sit down here today ?”
“I have arrived here two days ago !” I said “Today I´m on my way back from a visit at an English friend´s house in Jomtien to meet up with my friend Tommy here on the beach. I guess he is sitting overthere… at our regular place, like in the years before. We didn´t know that you have moved to this new place here on the beach. Today I must go overthere to meet him… But I promise that we will come here tomorrow !”
“No problem !” Mamasan said “You are always welcome. Have a great holiday ! It´s so good to see you again !”
SamSongTom was reading in a book when I arrived at our regular place.
I sat down beside him.
“Hi Tommysan !” I said “I have just found out that the old Mamasan and her staff is now working overthere… just 100 metres from here !”
“Really !?” SamSongTom asked “So, we have to go there tomorrow. But I didn´t see them. They are not so far away from here… as you say ! I wonder why our massage ladies didn´t inform us !”
“Well, I don´t know what the masseuses are up to !” I answered “But look overthere ! The Thais who wear light green shirts… those are Mamasan´s people. Moo´s Jomtien is written on the backsides of their shirts !”
“You want massage today, Mike !” a female voice beside me said.
I looked up and saw the two massage ladies… both showing me a killing smile.
“Not today !” I said and smiled “Maybe tomorrow. But tell me,- Did you know that the Mamasan and her team is now working overthere ?”
One of the masseuses´smile disappeared right in the moment I had completed my question.
“Yes !” she said with a sad voice “But she not good lady anymore. Me not like her. Can not tell you full story… but we not go and work together with her anymore… because she yak yak too much !”
“Too bad !” I answered “Tommy and me… we have just decided to sit at her place tomorrow and any time we come to Jomtien Beach. But if you don´t want to work overthere, I must look for a new lady who gives me a massage !”
“No, no !” the other masseuse said “We work Jomtien Beach everywhere ! Not only here or at Mamasan´s place. You want sit overthere… up to you ! We look for you and when we see you… we come give massage you !”
“Great !” I said and gave them both a generous tip.
“So, it´s settled then !” I said to SamSongTom who looked at us with a sheepish face expression.

FARANG MAO
The Baht bus rumbled down Pattaya Second Road, as my Thai phone rang.
“Hello !” I shouted into the phone, against the noisy traffic around me.
“Hi !” a male voice said “I´m Lpt of UKBKK ! I have just arrived in Pattaya. Are you MekongMike from Germany ?”
“Yes !” I said “Lpt… I know who you are ! I was expecting your call today. But sorry for all the disturbing noises in the background. I´m sitting in a Baht bus, coming from Jomtien Beach !”
“No problem, Mike !” Lpt said “Where can I meet up with you tonight ?”
“I´m going to meet together with Martinlanna, SamSongTom and PeterP at Anna Jet at 9:00pm !” I said “We have planned to go on a go go bar crawl tonight… with PeterP as our guide !”
“Sounds great !” Lpt said “I´ll be there… at 9:00 !”
SamSongTom who sat opposite of me on the settee in the Baht bus looked at me through his sun glasses.
“One more island monkey ?” he asked.
“Yes !” I answered and looked out on the street.
The top of Soi 7 was near…
“Seems to me that something is wrong with your Thai SIM !” he said.
“What ?” I asked.
“Well, mine receives only calls from Thai girls !” he said “And from a helpless German guy I know !”
“Bugger !” I said “You know that this time I look forward to meet up with the UKBKK members !”
“How do you know that I´m going to join you on the go go bar crawl tonight !” SamSongTom asked… But I didn´t give him any answer.
Like on a daily routine we went to Aussie Bar in Soi 7 for a few San Miguels before returning to the hotel.
I felt slightly drunk when I arrived in my room.
Why the hell they call this stuff San Miguel LIGHT ?
We arrived at Anna Jet around 9:00pm.
Martinlanna and PeterP were already there.
“Tallguy can not come tonight !” Martinlanna said “Got him on the phone just an hour ago. He said that he is going to have a quiet night, after he had been on another go go bar crawl arranged by FLB Bar last night !”
PeterP introduced us to another Englishman who wanted to join us on the go go bar crawl.
I forgot his name… but on the other hand, I wouldn´t mention anybody´s real name here in my blogs.
So, I give him the nickname Shorts, because he was the only one of us who was wearing shorts in that night.
We stayed at Anna Jet till 9:30pm.
Too long for SamSongTom, who turned out to become restless.
“So, when does Pete´s go go bar tour starts ?” he asked “Your English is better than mine. Would you please ask him ? Otherwise I´ll go to Walking Street on my own !”
“Relax Tommysan !” I said “We are on holidays. Lpt is still not here. For the moment it´s o.k. to stay here !”
Around 9:45pm, PeterP bought one more round of drinks for us all and explained his personal method of guiding people through Pattayan nightlife.
We all agreed with him and each one of us gave him 1000 Baht.
Five minutes later, a man and his Thai lady came into the bar.
He looked at me and smiled.
“Good to see you, MekongMike !” he said.
“Lpt !” I said “Welcome. I guess you know Martinlanna and PeterP. Meet my friend SamSongTom from Germany !”
“We were about to start our go go bar crawl !” PeterP said “But welcome to Anna Jet, Sir. We can have one more drink before we go !”
After that, PeterP explained to Lpt his method how to guide us on the tour.
“Ere… sorry !” Lpt said “I haven´t expected something like this ! I just came here to meet MekongMike and Martinlanna… I´m not ready to go on such a tour. I have a lady with me, as you can see !”
“Oh, that´s o.k. !” PeterP said “I don´t want to create any misunderstandings !”
“It´s all my fault !” I said “Sorry Lpt ! I should have informed you about the 1000 Baht thing when you called me in the afternoon !”
“No Mike !” Lpt said “I´m happy to be here and to meet you. But please forgive me. I will not join you on the tour. I´m sure that we can meet again tomorrow or on another day during this holidays !”
“Cheers !” I said
15 minutes later, Lpt and his lady left Anna Jet.
“Maybe we will meet again tonight !” he said “I go with my lady to a restaurant now… and after that, probably to Walking Street !”
It was 10:00pm when we left Anna Jet all together to start our tour.
PeterP suggested to start in Soi 8, at Silver Star A Go Go… after that by Baht bus off to Soi Buakhao… later Walking Street.
When we entered the Soi-Inbetween to reach Soi 8, I was still in a discussion with SamSongTom, who probably still had the feeling that we had spent too much time at Anna Jet.
“You have said it so many times !” I said to him in German “10:00pm is the best time to start a go go bar tour !”
But I gave it up, because I realised that SamSongTom was always going through is holidays by using his own patterns, which were in his opinion the only right patterns.
I made the decision that it was time to switch over to English to join the majority of our gang in their more relaxed chats. I began to talk with Shorts about life, the universe and everything.
In Soi 8, SamSongTom suddenly left our group and went straight into Party Bar.
“Eh !? PeterP said “What´s going on ?”
“My friend has his own mind !” I explained “Dunno what he is after now. But sometimes he is just… stubborn !”
Whilst I was talking with PeterP, we saw Shorts and Martinlanna following SamSongTom into Party Bar.
Pete looked at me and I looked at Pete… and we began to laugh.
“Looks like your friend has changed our plan !” PeterP said.
“O.k. !” I said “I guess we can have one drink here, before we go to Silver Star !”
SamSongTom looked at us, as we all joined him in Party Bar.
“What are you doing in here, all together ?” he asked “I just wanted to say Hello to Jt !”
“Oh Tommysan… you are not alone in the world !” I said “You went in here and the island monkeys followed you. Now we´ll have our first tour-drink here !”
“I just wanted to say Hello to Jt !” SamSongTom said again “I didn´t wanted to change Pete´s plan !”
“As I said before… You are not alone !” I said “Informing us that you just wanted to go in here to say Hello to somebody, would have been very polite. You know, nobody of us can read your mind !”
PeterP interrupted our German conversation to ask us what we would like to drink.
I took my first VodkaNamSom of the night, which gave me the right kick to feel more than slightly drunk from the San Migs in the afternoon and from the five MekongCokes I had at Anna Jet.
I chatted with my MissInsomnia (PL) for a few minutes, before we left Party Bar and went into Silver Star A Go Go.
In Silver Star we met Lpt and his lady again, who both decided to join us on the tour for a while.
I don´t remember why we never made it to Soi Buakhao, because after Silver Star I was “Farang Mao” already.
But PeterP´s go go crawl in Walking Street was just great !
Casanovi, Silver Star 2, Beach Club, Happy A Go Go and others… last but not least: What´s Up A Go Go !
But before that, Lpt and Martinlanna said Goodbye to us… one by one.
So, there was only Shorts who was still with PeterP, SamSongTom and me when we went into What´s Up.
I spotted a familiar face and body dancing on the stage: No.47 aka A.
She came to me, said that she remembered me and that she wanted to go with me.
This go go bar and the girls in there were addictive… and so I felt unable to decline A´s sweet offer.
Shorts got caught by one of the show girls and asked us to leave him in the bar when PeterP, SamSongTom, A and me where ready to go.
It was 3:00am already when we went into Casino Club for a last couple of drinks.
A seemed to be very sleepy, and so I decided that we would go back to Flipper House soon.
“We go by motorbike taxi !” I said to A “Is that o.k. for you ?”
“Yes !” she answered and smiled “Same same last year you pay bar me !”
“Folks !” PeterP said, who suddenly stood behind us after he had returned from a chat with one of the club´s staff members “I fear our little kitty is empty now ! So, your next drinks are on your bill !”
“That´s o.k. !” SamSongTom and I said simultaneously.
“But the next round is on me !” I said.
Around 3:30am PeterP announced that he has to go home soon… and SamSongTom was still without a girl.
But he told me that he wanted to go to Insomnia as soon as we would leave Casino Club.
I glanced at A´s face and realised that I had to bring her home as soon as possible.
So, I checked our bill and said goodbye to PeterP.
In the last few minutes we sat in the Club, SamSongTom grabbed my arm and giggled.
“What ?” I asked “I know that I´m mao as hell. But tonight your laughter sounds similar to our friend ThaiDancer´s unique mad giggle !”
“It´s so funny !” SamSongTom said “UKBKK and the AJ Forum are both island monkey sites in the web. I mean, most members there are from England !”
“So, what ?” I asked.
“Tonight there was a UK board members meet up !” he said “And all the UK guys were talking on the boards about meeting up and drinking together in Pattaya !”
“I still don´t see the funny side of all this !” I said.
“But in the end… .” SamSongTom continued “…the only two board members who are still sitting in a bar are not from UK ! They are Krauts !”
“Goodnight Tommysan !” I said and walked hand in hand with A through Casino Club´s exit door, into the steamy tropical night.





…to be continued

Frankfurt - Bangkok - Pattaya

KRAUTS ON TRAVEL
“Don´t we all have a seat reservation ?” I said to the arrogant German guy beside me on board of Thai Airways TG 921.
The Thai stewardess looked at me and I could study from her face that she did not understand any German word.
“That´s o.k !” I said to her in English and smiled “I can sit somewhere else !”
“Thank you Sir !” the stewardess answered and showed me the way to another seat in the still half empty flight cabin.
“Bugger !” I thought for the German chap who refused to change his seat, even everybody could see that the Thai woman and her three years old child who shared the window seat beside us needed some more space.
I must confess, that it was not our fault that Thai Airways had made organisational bollocks with the seat reservations.
But on the other hand, the flight was not fully booked… many seats were still unoccupied, when the doors were closed and the plane was rolling towards the runway of Frankfurt International Airport already.
The situation was just an unhappy sequence of bad plannings:
First there was this young Thai woman standing in the small space in front of her window seat, watching her three years old boy on the seat.
Second there was I, MekongMike, who had a resevation for the aisle seat in the same row, which made the scene look like the seat between me and the window seat was free.
While I made some friendship with the little boy who instandly smiled and reached out his tiny hands for me, I was wondering why the Thai woman did not take her seat.
Third there was this German guy in his 30ties who had the same seat number on his boarding pass like me.
“Excuse me. I have reservation for this aisle seat !” he said
“So, have I !” I said “But no problem ! I can sit in the middle. But the question is, where will the lady sit !?”
The German showed me a shrug of the shoulders and sat down.
Right in the moment I wanted to say something to the Thai woman, the stewardess came and said to the guy beside me:
“Excuse me Sir ! There was a mistake in planning the seat reservations. We are very sorry. But would you mind to sit somewhere else to give the lady and her child some more space ?”
The guy looked at me instead of answering the question.
“I have paid much money to get this seat reservation and I will not sit anywhere else !” he said in German
I gave him my answer and offered the stewardess to change my seat.
I ended up on another aisle seat in the middle of the flight cabin, far away from the Thai lady, her child and the stubborn Kraut.
“Bugger !” I thought again… wondering about myself, that even my thoughts have switched over to the English language already.
With regards to this unhappy situation caused by Thai Airways´mistake, I could not see where the problem was for a single traveller like me or the other guy, because there were so many unoccupied seats on board.
Of course, the Thai lady and her child could have changed their seats… but for heaven´s sake… as gentlemen we should know that it is up to us.
After lift off I learned from the talkings all around me, that the flight was full of Germans who were booked on package tours.
Many people with little children…
So, 11 hours of crying and screaming all night long.
During our final approach into Bangkok air space, I talked with another German, who seemed to be very confused of my style of travelling without any pre-booked package tour.
And after landing at Suvarnabhumi, I was close to piss in my pants when all the package tourists clapped their hands for applause.

MISS TOOM
The young Thai woman was holding a piece of paper with a name written on it.
But I couldn´t read it, because the paper was fluttering in some wind coming from outside of the arrival hall.
Somehow I could read parts of my name… but I wasn´t sure.
So, I stepped towards the woman and took the paper sign out of her hand and read what was written on it, holding it like when I have a newspaper in my hands.
“Ah, yes !” I said “That´s me !”
The woman giggled.
“I´m Mr Toom !” she said and smiled “From Toom´s taxi service !”
“Mr Toom ?” I asked “I didn´t know that Mister Toom is that pretty !”
The woman laughed out loud.
“Thank you ! My name P !” she said “English not good !”
“No problem !” I said “We don´t need to talk so much !”
P smiled and took my hand.
“You follow me !” she said
“Yes… I will follow you !” I answered
“This way please !” she said and released my hand.
She walked straight ahead and I followed her like a good chap.
But in the car park she suddenly slowed down and began to look around.
I realised that she couldn´t remember anymore where she had left her car.
In a dark and deserted corner of the car park, she stopped and continued looking around with a serious face expression.
The place looked like a section of the car park, where people use to leave their cars for many days or even longer.
There were no people around… and it looked like nobody would come here for hours.
A good place for…
“Overthere !” P said and interrupted my thoughts “Solly, I forgot…but remember now. My car here… overthere !”
“O.K. let´s go !” I said when I sat down on the back seat “You know where I want to go ?”
“Flipper House, Soi 7 in Pattaya !” she answered and smiled.

THE RABBIT
“We are very sorry Sir. But your room is not ready now !” the girl at the reception of Flipper House said “You must wait till 12:00 o´clock !”
I glanced at my watch.
It was 10:30am.
I understood that this delay was caused by myself, because I had changed my arrival time due the changes of Thai Airways´time tables after the airport blockades in November 2008.
“No problem !” I said “I will sit overthere in the restaurant. Will get something to eat and make a few telephone calls !”
The receptionist smiled.
“We also give you discount for room !” she said “My boss said that you come here every year… That´s why you pay 900 Baht per night, not 1100 !”
“Great !” I answered “I´ll come here again and again, whenever I want to stay in Pattaya !”
“We also have a little problem here, because of the construction site beside the hotel !” she said “Maybe some noises… and the balcony of your room is covered with a curtain to protect the window from dust !”
“It can´t be that worse !” I said “I never stay in my room or on the balcony all day long !”
“O.k. Sir, you can leave your luggage in the storage room here, when you go to restaurant !” she said “Somebody will come to inform you when your room is ready !”
I ordered some fried rice with chicken in the restaurant.
Mr Jackorino, the assistant manager of Flipper House, came over to me and we had a nice chat in German.
After eating, I thought that it was time to wake up SamSongTom.
I dialed his Thai phone number.
“Hello !” I heard his sleepy voice.
“Hi Tommysan !” I said “I´ve just arrived in Flipper House, but must wait till my room is ready !”
“Mikelsan… great !” SamSongTom said “I mean… not great that you have to wait for your room… But great to have you here again, like every year !”
“Yes !” I said “So, how is going ?”
“Terrible !” he answered “Too much of everything ! I met Jt… you remember Jt ? The freelancer I know from last year. She works in Party Bar now !”
“Jt ?” I asked “I know only one of your last year´s freelancers. Her name was C !”
“That´s her… But her name is Jt not C like you always use to say !” he said “Hmmm… but it sounds similar !”
“And… ?” I asked.
“Well, everything goes it´s way as usual !” SamSongTom said “Like every year. I already feel like… like… ah, I don´t know. You know how it is… you´ll soon feel the same ! And, by the way, I also met N on my first night out !”
“N… !” I said “Your N !?”
“Yes !” he said “The one and only N !”
“She´s still married with the Yank… hmmm !?” I said “But she is in Thailand for holidays again… probably alone… And you are running after her again… eh !?”
“No… and yes !” SamSongTom answered “N and me… we are friends, you know !”
“Aaaaah… !” I said
“Let´s talk about this and other things later !” he said “I´ll be in Aussie Bar around 4:00 o´clock afternoon. But now I need some more sleep !”
“O.K. !” I said “See you later !”
Five minutes after my call to SamSongTom, my Thai phone played the funny Issan dance melody to notify me of an incoming call.
I glanced at the phone´s display.
The caller was UKBKK board member Martinlanna.
I pushed the green button and said:
“Good morning UKBKK !”
First there was a moment of silence… but than I heard Martinlanna´s laughter !
“Hello Mike ! Welcome to Thailand !” he said
“Hi Mart !” I said “Good to hear your voice. It´s so much better to speak with people instead of sending messages through the internet. How are you ?”
“Well, I would like to say that I´m fine !” he answered “But the past two days since I arrived here were a little bit exhausting !”
“Exhausting ?” I asked
“Yes !” Martinlanna said “Right now I feel like… like a rabbit… you know !?”
“Like a rabbit ?” I said “What does that mean ?”
“You know… You know what rabbits do !” he explained “I don´t think that describing someone as a rabbit is an English term only !”
“Aaaaah… yes !” I said and laughed “That´s funny, because I had SamSongTom on the phone just a few minutes ago… and he tried to describe himself in the the same way like you do. But he didn´t mention the small mammal !”
Martinlanna laughed.
“So, what about you ? How was the flight ?” he asked
“Terrible !” I answered “Lot´s of noisy children and stubborn Krautish tourists on package tours on board. But I´m fine. I´m now waiting till my room is ready. Will get some sleep in the afternoon and will meet up with SamSongTom in one of the beer bars opposite of Flipper House later. And tonight… Anna Jet !”
“Yes, I remember that we wanted to meet up at Anna Jet tonight !” Martinlanna said “I´ll be there. And I´ll inform board member Tallguy to join us !”
“Good !” I said “There are some more UKBKK and Anna Jet board members who will arrive here one by one in the next few days. As far as I remember, the Anna Jet member Kennyboy from Scotland has arrived already. Later we will get a chance to meet Johnsue, Lpt, Sharkbait, Yogi and Sauce… I´m also looking forward to meet S1xer and Tallguy, who are in Thailand since past autumn !”
“O.k., see you around 9:30 tonight at Anna Jet !” Martinlanna said.

AFTERNOON DRINKS
“The green curtain looks nice !” I said, after I had joined SamSongTom at Aussie Bar and ordered my first Chang beer.
“Oh shit !” SamSongTom said “The noises from the construction site are not disturbing at all. But this god damn green curtain in front of the balcony makes the rooms dark, even by daylight. I have changed my room on the second day after arrival !”
“Hmmm… I can´t complain about any darkness in my room !” I said “You can´t see how the weather is when you have a look out of the window. But I can live with this !”
“What´s your room number ?” SamSongTom asked
“It´s 718 !” I said
“Ah ! That explains why it is not so disturbing for you !” he said “I had room number three hundred-and-something before. The darkness was caused not only by the curtain, but also by the shadow of the new building. But you are on the highest floor… so at least you can get some sunlight through the curtain !”
“So, tell me Tommysan, what´s your news !?” I said “We haven´t met each other since last time in Pattaya. You are still in touch with N ? What about FiveBaht ? He said that he´ll be in Thailand same time like us. And… will Ace and Jenga come to Pattaya too ?”
“Many questions !” SamSongTom said “I can tell you that FiveBaht is in Thailand already. I had him on the phone yesterday. He is hanging around in Khao Lak together with a German bint who will travel home soon. He will come to Pattaya in one and a half week from now. Back home in Munich, I´m still in touch with Ace… but heard rumors only about her ex-boyfriend Jenga. Looks like he has a new African girlfriend. But no… neither Ace nor Jenga will come to Pattaya this time !”
“What about N ?” I asked
“She is back in Thailand for a few weeks, without her American husband !” he said “Met her on my first night out when I went to Marine One disco. But nothing happened… I had Jt of Party Bar with me. N and me… we are just friends. Even she is unhappy married with this Yank… we decided to be just friends only !”
“Any other interesting stories ?” I asked
SamSongTom smiled.
“Oh yes ! The Marshall is still interested in me !” he said
“The Mamasan of Party Bar !? I said “The one with the serious face !”
“Yup !” SamSongTom said “Beside this… there are lots of new girls in Party Bar and Anna Jet. And you really must see the new Insomnia disco in Walking Street ! Forget Tony´s and even Marine… Insomnia is the best place to go !”
“You know where I go tonight !?” I said
“Yes… Anna Jet !” SamSongTom said “I´ll go with you. What about your Island Monkeys ?”
“One of them has called me already !” I said “He and another one wants to meet me at Anna Jet tonight !”
“What kind of Island Monkey was the one who called you ?” my friend asked “From UKBKK or from Anna Jet Forum ?”
“UKBKK !” I said “He said that he is a rabbit !”

THE BAR THAT THINKS IT IS A CLUB
“Oh… wow !” I said when the first Anna Jet girl embraced me.
“What a warm welcome !” SamSongTom said “Any of your T´lucks from your previous visits here ? MissJester, Dragonlady, N2… or even MissMoody ?”
“No !” I said “But look who is coming overthere !”
“Ah… Doctor B !” my friend said
“Honey, I´m home !” I said when B came to me and gave me a hug.
“Mike, my brother !” she said “Good to see you again !”
The well known drinks mistress guided us to one of the tables and we ordered beer and Mekong Coke.
B stayed with us for a while… chatting and giggleing… before she went back to the bar´s entrance.
Two other girls sat down beside us.
But their English wasn´t good, which made it more difficult to talk with them as it already was because of the loud music in the bar.
Nevertheless, we bought them drinks and had a good time.
I glanced at my watch.
“We are early !” SamSongTom said “Neither PeterP nor Anna are in the bar. It´s just 8:15pm. But you said that your island monkeys will come here around 9:00pm !”
“Yup !” I said “No problem !”
“So, why you are still looking around in the bar like you are searching for somebody ?” my friend asked.
“It´s nothing !” I said “It´s just… some memories of the past, you know !? This is the bar were I learned to start up enjoying Pattaya again, in the time after K !”
Expecting some malicious comments about MissMoody again from SamSongTom, I continued talking.
“I´m also wondering if this Kennyboy from Anna Jet forum is here already !”
“Hmmm… you don´t know how he looks like, eh !?” SamSongTom said “But I thought you guys have uploaded your pictures as avatars to the AJ board !”
“No, not him !” I answered “I have to look for a fine Scotsman… But I don´t know how to identify him. I hope he´ll recognize me from my avatar photo !”
“So, you look for a Farang wearing a skirt !” my friend said
“Kilt !” I answered and “Hey ! Look who´s coming overthere !”
PeterP walked from outside into the bar, spotted us and came straight to our table.
“Welcome back, Mike !” he said and gave me bear hug “Good to see you again !”
PeterP joined us with a glass of red wine and a few minutes later, Anna arrived as well.
“We have made some changes here !” PeterP explained “Not only with the bar´s interior… but also with the staff !”
“Many new girls here !” I said
“Yes !” the boss said “But we also try something with Jg ! She is not longer working as a cashier here… Look overthere ! There she is !”
Jg, the former cashier was sitting at the bars entrance, together with B and some other girls.
I wanted to ask PeterP what exactly Jg´s new job was.
But somehow I couldn´t ask anything, because of Jg herself.
She came over to me and embraced me, like I was her long missed lover.
B went over to the bar´s counter and began to chat with another Farang… but not for long.
She came to me and said: “This man overthere… he said, he is looking for MekongMike. I think that is you !”
“What´s his name ?” I asked
“Don´t know !” B answered “But I think him drink too much tonight !”
“Ah… that´s Kennyboy !” PeterP said “I wonder that he is here already that early tonight !”
“Excuse me, folks !” I said and left our table.
I went over to the counter and positioned myself beside the guy who was chatting with one of the waitresses.
“Hi !” I said “I´m MekongMike !”
“MekongMike !!!” the man said and shook my hand “I´m Kennyboy from the forum ! I´m glad to meet you, mate !”
“The pleasure is all with me !” I said “Good to meet you !”
“Hey mate… !” he said “You know what !? I´m drunk already… having my last drink here for tonight and will go back to my hotel soon ! But I´m sure that we´ll meet again in the next few days !”
“No problem, mate !” I answered “Allow me to buy you one more drink. But I sit overthere, with PeterP and my friend from Germany. You can join us if you want !”
“Not tonight !” he said “But cheers… it´s so good to meet you in real life. I´m now looking forward to meet Yogi, who will arrive here before this week ends. All together we´ll have a great time !”
So, I stayed at the counter with Kennyboy for one drink, before I returned to SamSongTom.
Soon after Kennyboy had left Anna Jet, I glanced at my watch again.
It was 9:30pm.
“What now ?” SamSongTom asked
I couldn´t answer his question, because my mobile started ringing.
The display showed Martinlanna´s name and number.
I picked up the call, but couldn´t hear anything.
“Excuse me !” I said and went out on the street.
“Helloooo !!!” I shouted into the phone “Mart… Do you hear me ? I can not hear you ! The music is too loud ! I´m at Anna Je…”
I couldn´t complete my sentence, because somebody grabbed my arm and pulled me back into the bar.
“Hi Mike !” the man said, right in the moment I recogniced his face from his pictures in the galleries of UKBKK.
“Martinlanna !” I said “Good to see you !”
“May I introduce you to my lady… and to Tallguy !” he said
The Thai woman who was together with Martinlanna was a very attractive lady… and Tallguy really was a tall guy.
PeterP, Anna and the drinks mistress managed it to position three tables together, so that we could sit all together in a round.
We chatted about life, the universe and everything… and PeterP invited us to join him on a go go bar crawl which he had planned for another night.
Meanwhile I made eye contact with a girl who was currently dancing on the pole.
I knew her from my trip one year before… Her name was O… and she had always been after me last time, whilst I was sticking with N2.
I remembered that O was a little bit offended in my last night at Anna Jet before I travelled home the next day.
She was offended, because I took Png ( MissJester ) out of the bar instead of her.
But that was history now, and so I invited O for a drink.
“You not angry me, because I not speak with you on your last night, one year ago ?” O asked
“No !” I said “It was just some sort of misunderstanding. You were new in the bar, and I was always together with N2 !”
“And B… and Png… and Am !” she said and giggled “Last time I thought you no like me because I was poom pooey ! But now you like me more, because I´m not poom pooey anymore !”
“Naaaah… O !” I said and pulled her closer to me “You always looked beautyful, even in the time you were more… poom pooey ! You have never been too fat for me… You are a cute girl. But I was… I am a butterfly, you know !? And I had another lady here in the bar waiting for me. I´m not a liar… you know !?”
“I know !” O said “You are good man… and I want go with you !”
“Do I know her ?” SamSongTom asked “She´s cute !”
“Dunno if you know her, Tommysan !” I said “She was here last year… She has lost her puppy fat in the meantime. She was as same cute one year ago as she is now. She looks a little bit different now… but she is still the same nice girl !”
“Can´t remember her !” SamSongTom said “But it looks like she has caught you already… eh !?”
“I told you, that I will not go far in my first night out after arrival !” I answered “There is no difference between tonight and the first nights out in the years before. It has to be Anna Jet… and an AJ girl !”
Much later, after Martinlanna and Tallguy said goodbye, SamSongTom marched on to Party Bar in Soi 8…
…and O and me went back to Flipper House.



…to be continued